Yet another "First" for Mr. McWeedyBrain (NOT!)

rejectedmom

New Member
CA mom your father sounds like a very wise man. HH I agree with what you are saying. CA mom that is the word I was searching for and couldn't get my head wrapped around. Posturing. And yes our difficult child's see right through it. Mikey I know you explained your reasoning and I understand where your heart is at. I hope that the study will make a difference but if it doesn't please reconsider what HH and CA mom are saying. -RM
 

CAmom

Member
RM, yes, my father IS a very wise man--actually developed and taught a highly successful program at our local high school (his "retirement" job...) whereby he offered at-risk kids an individual study plan to help them stay in school as opposed to dropping out or being kicked out. Unfortunately, when he retired (for the second time...)the program fizzled and died without his active participation.

Well, back to the point--as you pointed out, and I want to emphasize, EVERY thing we said and did was out of the most pure and sincere love for our child as I'm certain is the case for Mikey and all of us on these boards.

Sadly, it just wasn't enough. Who knows if it was because of our parenting style or our son's personality or a combination of both. Doesn't much matter.

What I DO know, without a doubt, is that all the reasoning and negotiation in the world between ourselves and our son didn't help our family avoid the inevitable trainwreck which was quickly approaching (although it made US feel a bit more in "control") but only served to give our son what he interpreted as a flimsy picket fence which he quickly found the wiggle room to squeeze through time and time again rather than the solid steel wall he really needed at the time...
 

hearthope

New Member
Very well put CAMOM.

If my pasture fence was in shambles I could go out everyday and threaten and plead with my horses not to cross the fence.

Regardless of what I say or do, the moment my back is turned they would cross the fence.

Crossing the fence will get them hurt or killed.


I have two choices ~

One is to build a stronger secure fence

the other~

Let them live elsewhere where they will be safe
 

Mikey

Psycho Gorilla Dad
Thanks everyone. I may have posted it on another thread, but I do want to say that I (and wife, for the most part), have already committed to making those extremely hard choices - and soon. The only reason we're waiting is to see how McWeedy responds to the substance abuse/ADD treatment program he's starting this week before starting to lower the boom.

As I've said before, his doctor predicted last year that he would escalate his acting out to the point where we HAD to "throw him out". You'd think that would suck, but in his world that would let him get angry and indulge in a multi-year pity-party by blaming us for "abandoning" him. It may still come to that - and soon - but if it happens, it will be done in a way that he understands that the only person he can blame for his situation is himself.

If, at that point, he still ends up out of the house, then it would be by his choice, and without the anger/blame factor for him to use as justification for further acting out. In the grand scheme of things, his doctor says that leaving under those circumstances may actually force him to deal with how bad his life sucks afterwards, and seek help. If, on the other hand, we play into his game and give him both the reason to leave AND the justification to act out for the next few years, he has virtualy no reason to stop his foolishness, because his self-generated anger will sustain him long past the time when others hit bottom and realize they need help.

I happen to agree with the doctor, and won't feed his self-fulfilling prophecy any more than I have to.

But let's hope for the best. Let's hope that the specialists in this program are honest when they say they want him there, specifically because of the challenge he represents. Let's pray for their ability to reach him when nobody else can. And for me and wife, we pray that if this "last straw" doesn't help him, then we can do what must be done with love instead of anger, and knowing that there was nothing left for us to do.

Mikey
 
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