Yet another update....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tracyf551, Apr 1, 2009.

  1. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    Well difficult child was here on Monday and we had yet another confrontation. This time it was about what he plans on doing with his life...then I saw his arms. Track marks and that told me what he plans on doing...killing himself with drugs.
    So I made him a deal he go into treatment or I would call the police and have him picked on his warrant. He ran of course. I still called the police. I would rather him in jail then on the street doing this ****. He refuses to get treatment for this...heroin. He looks like he!!. I am at a loss as to what to do. He is killing himself and doesn't care.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Tracy, the drugs make it impossible to care----he only cares about when the next fix is coming. Next time, don't tell him you're calling. Sneak away, and call, that way he is not able to run. It's scary----make sure you talk to the police or sheriff's office---whoever will pick him up and let them know he is a drug addict and unstable. They have certain procedures they will follow so pickup can be as safe as possible. Once he is in jail, he will begin to detox. Make sure they know he is a heavy heroin user. Call the jail and tell them. Take the person's name you talk to. Ask to speak to the dr. or nurse. Tell them. Detoxing off heroin is he**---I'm sorry. I know it's hard.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Tracie -

    I don't think we've ever spoken before, but hi and welcome. I don't have a son that does drugs thank goodness, but I had an ex husband that made a career out of pushing his physical limits with every concoction that most could not possibly imagine. It was hard to watch him destroy his life, loose his respect, self dignity and eventually his wife and child. I held out for about a year after I finally left thinking "MAYBE" us leaving would snap him into reality. It did not, he's 54 now - six years away from being 60 and still abuses drugs and women and anyone around him regularly. We tried all the inpatient, methadone clinics, counseling and a lot of high-dollar detox places thanks to his rich uncle - but nothing worked. It's absolute hell to watch someone you care about or love destroy what you hold so precious, and what's worse is you just make yourself nuts trying to figure out what YOU can do to change them or fix them or cure them. I am so sorry for you, I absolutely know where you are mentally and it's one of the most stressful places I've ever existed in.

    When all the fixes wouldn't work, and all the suicide attempts made me totally numb to the point where I found myself wishing he would die so he'd be out of misery? I turned to Alanon, Narcanon, and CA.....I went to meetings some times 3 times a week until I found a group I could relate to, connect with and actually had something to say worth listening too. I started going to domestic violence meetings and got myself a counselor. I finally found peace with a group in Narcanon. My ex's drugs of choice were speedballing crack and heroine with a side of meth. So when I sat back and started listening to some of the stories I began to realize it was not ME,.......there was NOTHING I could do. I accepted the things in his life for what they were and made my best effort to tell him I loved him. When I left? I never looked back. I laid out a plan with my therapist and stuck to it, got my kid and left.

    We recently buried our adopted son and there is still a cloud of mystery surrounding his death. He burned alive in his car. I'm not a dummy - I suspect drugs had something to do with it. So drugs claimed another loved one of mine. But again - there was nothing I could do. Drug users make those of us who love them feel so abandoned and helpless. I hate that.

    I think it would be good for you to look up local chapters of AA, CA and NA and go to a few meetings and talk to former drug users. If you put someone using heroin in jail and don't allow him to come down you could really hurt him or someone else. IT has to be a step down process - and he needs to be committed to going daily to a local methadone clinic - but you can't MAKE him do anything. Again - that helpless feeling really stinks.

    Know that you're in our prayers here - and get yourself some help. If you can't help him - at least you can help yourself and get suggestions from others who have been where he is now, but found sobriety and learn from them what could help.

  4. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wouldn't let him know you're going to call when that oppurtunity presents again. I agree that you should let them know he's using, as a safeguard against anyone getting hurt. You're family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
  5. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I agree with Star and all the others too. I believe it would be good not to let him know you call but do. I know it is scary and I understand the feeling of not knowing what to do. I am kinda there right now with my son. He is in jail only for ten days. He needs more. He cannot live at home anymmore. He has been living with friends or whatever you call them. It is a nightmare. I wish the very best for you and remember we are here to hear you. I go to Alanon every Monday night and have for years. The program has really helped me. The suupport from others that understand is so wonderful. I also read a book called Setting Boundaries with your Adult Child. That is a very good book.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    As the mom of an ex-addict, I can tell you NOTHING will help him unless he wants help. And I do mean nothing. I was shocked by the determination of an addict--the way they lie, manipulate, turn on the tears, look pathetic, play on our hearts, then turn around and steal from us, make promises just to get us to back down and let them come home so they can do drugs in comfort, etc.

    Heroin is terrible. He can get on Methodone, but he has to want to or he won't do it. Did you ever bring up that he could get AIDS using needles? I doubt he'd care, but it's worth bringing up. Not to mention Heptatitis C and a host of other diseases. My daughter thankfully didn't shoot up too much, although she did a little. She wanted to quit when she saw her friend with track marks up and down her arms and thought, "That will be me one day!" But it took her another year and a change of environment to actually stop using.

    Detach. You can not fix your child. Go to every Narc-anon meeting you can and you'll get tons of love and help and understanding. Take care of YOU or you will be useless for both this child or anyone else whom you love!
  7. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    My heart breaks for you, as I know how horrible this is.
    It is true, unless he wants to stop, there isn't much you can do.
    You can try to remind him there are rehabs where he can go and get a RX for
    suboxone which will help him stop doing heroin without withdrawls. There are drug counselors that will write a RX for suboxone also.

    Star gave you great advice telling you to get to any AA, CA, or NA meetings. Unless he wants you to help him, you are better helping yourself. You will learn tools how to handle him, and the life he has chosen.

    As you see in my signature we did lose our son nearly 3 years ago at the the age of 17, (to heroin). I don't mean to scare you, but I represent the worse case scenario of this nasty, life destroying, highly addicting, personality changing drug.

    There are moms here who have been successful in getting their kids into treatment, but that is after the kids bounce around at bottom for awhile and finally decide to make the change themselves, then there are some setbacks, and some relapses for some, but they did end up kicking it.

    Alex did come to me and wanted help getting off. This was the 1st time I knew for certain he had crossed that line. He was clean for three weeks (with the help of suboxone) was taken off the suboxone after only 2 weeks.( Alex refused further treatment, thought he had it licked) He relapsed after being clean for 3 weeks and that is when we lost him.

    I wish I could offer more to help, if you have any questions, feel free to ask them.

    I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.