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Substance Abuse
Yet another update....
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 260312" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Tracie - </p><p> </p><p>I don't think we've ever spoken before, but hi and welcome. I don't have a son that does drugs thank goodness, but I had an ex husband that made a career out of pushing his physical limits with every concoction that most could not possibly imagine. It was hard to watch him destroy his life, loose his respect, self dignity and eventually his wife and child. I held out for about a year after I finally left thinking "MAYBE" us leaving would snap him into reality. It did not, he's 54 now - six years away from being 60 and still abuses drugs and women and anyone around him regularly. We tried all the inpatient, methadone clinics, counseling and a lot of high-dollar detox places thanks to his rich uncle - but nothing worked. It's absolute hell to watch someone you care about or love destroy what you hold so precious, and what's worse is you just make yourself nuts trying to figure out what YOU can do to change them or fix them or cure them. I am so sorry for you, I absolutely know where you are mentally and it's one of the most stressful places I've ever existed in. </p><p> </p><p>When all the fixes wouldn't work, and all the suicide attempts made me totally numb to the point where I found myself wishing he would die so he'd be out of misery? I turned to Alanon, Narcanon, and CA.....I went to meetings some times 3 times a week until I found a group I could relate to, connect with and actually had something to say worth listening too. I started going to domestic violence meetings and got myself a counselor. I finally found peace with a group in Narcanon. My ex's drugs of choice were speedballing crack and heroine with a side of meth. So when I sat back and started listening to some of the stories I began to realize it was not ME,.......there was NOTHING I could do. I accepted the things in his life for what they were and made my best effort to tell him I loved him. When I left? I never looked back. I laid out a plan with my therapist and stuck to it, got my kid and left. </p><p> </p><p>We recently buried our adopted son and there is still a cloud of mystery surrounding his death. He burned alive in his car. I'm not a dummy - I suspect drugs had something to do with it. So drugs claimed another loved one of mine. But again - there was nothing I could do. Drug users make those of us who love them feel so abandoned and helpless. I hate that. </p><p> </p><p>I think it would be good for you to look up local chapters of AA, CA and NA and go to a few meetings and talk to former drug users. If you put someone using heroin in jail and don't allow him to come down you could really hurt him or someone else. IT has to be a step down process - and he needs to be committed to going daily to a local methadone clinic - but you can't MAKE him do anything. Again - that helpless feeling really stinks. </p><p> </p><p>Know that you're in our prayers here - and get yourself some help. If you can't help him - at least you can help yourself and get suggestions from others who have been where he is now, but found sobriety and learn from them what could help. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 260312, member: 4964"] Tracie - I don't think we've ever spoken before, but hi and welcome. I don't have a son that does drugs thank goodness, but I had an ex husband that made a career out of pushing his physical limits with every concoction that most could not possibly imagine. It was hard to watch him destroy his life, loose his respect, self dignity and eventually his wife and child. I held out for about a year after I finally left thinking "MAYBE" us leaving would snap him into reality. It did not, he's 54 now - six years away from being 60 and still abuses drugs and women and anyone around him regularly. We tried all the inpatient, methadone clinics, counseling and a lot of high-dollar detox places thanks to his rich uncle - but nothing worked. It's absolute hell to watch someone you care about or love destroy what you hold so precious, and what's worse is you just make yourself nuts trying to figure out what YOU can do to change them or fix them or cure them. I am so sorry for you, I absolutely know where you are mentally and it's one of the most stressful places I've ever existed in. When all the fixes wouldn't work, and all the suicide attempts made me totally numb to the point where I found myself wishing he would die so he'd be out of misery? I turned to Alanon, Narcanon, and CA.....I went to meetings some times 3 times a week until I found a group I could relate to, connect with and actually had something to say worth listening too. I started going to domestic violence meetings and got myself a counselor. I finally found peace with a group in Narcanon. My ex's drugs of choice were speedballing crack and heroine with a side of meth. So when I sat back and started listening to some of the stories I began to realize it was not ME,.......there was NOTHING I could do. I accepted the things in his life for what they were and made my best effort to tell him I loved him. When I left? I never looked back. I laid out a plan with my therapist and stuck to it, got my kid and left. We recently buried our adopted son and there is still a cloud of mystery surrounding his death. He burned alive in his car. I'm not a dummy - I suspect drugs had something to do with it. So drugs claimed another loved one of mine. But again - there was nothing I could do. Drug users make those of us who love them feel so abandoned and helpless. I hate that. I think it would be good for you to look up local chapters of AA, CA and NA and go to a few meetings and talk to former drug users. If you put someone using heroin in jail and don't allow him to come down you could really hurt him or someone else. IT has to be a step down process - and he needs to be committed to going daily to a local methadone clinic - but you can't MAKE him do anything. Again - that helpless feeling really stinks. Know that you're in our prayers here - and get yourself some help. If you can't help him - at least you can help yourself and get suggestions from others who have been where he is now, but found sobriety and learn from them what could help. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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