This will probably be long. I need help for difficult child and just don't know where to turn anymore. This time last year, he started abusing pain killers (opiates). Then it was pot, then alcohol. More recently it has been spice and adderall (obtained illegally). He has drank a whole bottle of vodka over 2 days. He refills bottles that we have with water. (i no longer keep alcohol in my house because of this). He was drug testing every 2 weeks at his counselors office. Little did I know that spice and other synthetics don't show up on drug tests. Sneaky little booger... He had his counselor totally fooled. And I felt like she was constantly treating me like... "see... he is a good kid..no more drugs MOM!" Then husband caught him smoking spice in our house. Counselors tune competely changed and she basically said to me..do what you have to do to punish him and send him to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). So I did. I got statements from her, his psychiatrist and our family doctor. All stating he needs Residential Treatment Center (RTC). To which Tricare said NO. Not good enough. You haven't tried hard enough for your kid. You can take him to counseling up to 5 times a week, you can try shock therapy, you can take him to group counseling, or Outpatient treatment 5 days a week. They are right I guess. I could have done all those things. BUT... I have a job and other family members to also take care of. The closest O/t facility is an hour each way from our home in rural North Carolina. His counselor and psychiatric offices are also over an hour away. So he was going every other week to these providers. That was the best I thought I could do. We switched counselors to someone who is about 15 min from our home. He has been seeing her for a few months now. Totally has her fooled as well. She keeps telling me what a good kid he really is and that its his depression causing his drug use. And if we can get his depression under control with medications, he will be brand spanking new. No drug use to worry about if hes not depressed! wow. thats a genius statement right? I have asked him before, "is it possible there is not a reason you are using, that you just like to feel high?" and he says well yeah. i love feeling high. I tell counselor this. She says well he doesn't realize its his depression controlling it. Fast forward to yesterday. husband and I leave to go to the clinic for my blood work and go grocery shopping. husband says to me, maybe we should not leave him here alone. I told him I am not going to live like a prisoner. He sleeps until noon anyway and we will be back before then. HA! Man was I wrong. Walk in the door and I see a pill crusher on the counter and residue. And a half empty bottle of nyquil (he has overdosed on that before). I said, what did you crush up. He says it was ibuprofen. Do I look stupid???? Do you want to look me in the eye and tell me what you really took? He says he just wanted to sleep (mid morning), didn't sleep well the night before so he took an extra seroquel. I said how much Nyquil did you take? He says one small medicine cup. i don't believe him. He constantly lies. I constantly find pipes in his room, both homemade and professional. To which he tells me that he doesn't use them for anything. Just has them. For decoration maybe.... *&^&**( really? I have called social services to ask for help and they have told me that we have to be on welfare/medicaid for them to give us any assistance. Grrrr. Many of the programs that I have called have told me they don't take our insurance, but take Medicaid. Last night a friend told me that she thinks he would qualify for medicaid just for having a mental illness. I am going to check into this. The same friend told me about a place in Florida that takes Tricare and is a drug and mental illness kind of Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I go to husband and show him this. The place looks wonderful. To which he tells me he doesn't want difficult child being that far away. When I ask husband, what are we going to do? What we have been doing for the past year is obviously not working! He thinks because difficult child is not addicted to a specific drug, that he doesn't really have a serious problem. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. Its driving me so far from my husband because I feel like he is taking difficult children side. He will get mad for maybe an hour when we find drugs or parafanalia. And then its like it never happened. I can't even look at difficult child because i feel like everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. And when he is sweet and kind to me.....OH buddy...watch out because that is always a smoke screen for something else going on. So I never trust when he is nice and compliant. He constantly is trying to talk me into buying him cigarettes, e-cigarettes, flavored hooka things, herbs that he can grow and smoke. He has by the way gotten into my spice cabinet and smoked oregano. oh and tea leaves from my store bought tea bags. He takes apart air freshner containers and tells me he did it because he was bored. He spends about 30-45 minutes in the bathroom (which is were i usually find homemade bongs, lighters, etc). Please yall. I need advice. i feel myself sliding down a steep hill of depression. and wondering if some kind of alcohol or cigarette may make ME feel better about this hopeless situation. As far as myself going to counseling...I don't have the time for myself. He has weekly appts with counselors, psychiatric, doctors (he always says ssomething hurts him...and I KNOW it is a drug seeking tactic, because when the dr. tells him to take ibuprofen he tells him that does nothing for him).