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Substance Abuse
You can't expect change when things stay the same...right?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 613380" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there and welcome to the board, although I'm sorry you felt you had to come here. </p><p></p><p>Your son is young to be into all this stuff. So was my daughter. She started at twelve. As soon as we knew, although we NEVER knew the full extent until she quit everything and told all, we cut off her money supply. There were no cell phones then (she is 29 now), but we did cut off her access to the computer and cigarettes? Any time we found them in her purse (and we searched her purse, her room, everything), the ciggies got tossed in the trash. We did not want her to think we approved of smoking. After all, it's our house. She was on parole by age fifteen. It didn't stop her. When she bawled and said, "You can't invade my privacy and go through my things in my room" we reminded her that it is OUR house and that she is breaking the law and that WE can be arrested too if drugs are here and that she gave up her right to have privacy by breaking the law and our house rules. She would be furious when we found her pipes, cigarettes, etc. and threw them out because they always belonged to somebody else and she was just holding them (sure, sure). She had to get a job in order to have any spending money. Are you going to let you son get his driver's license? Sounds like he'd be a dangerous driver. My daughter was in three car accidents while high. Only one was with our car. It was the last time we let her drive it. But drug users don't have much common sense and several of her "friends" let her drive and two paid the price.</p><p></p><p>Get a firebox, hide the key to it, and hide your car keys from him. We had to do that.</p><p></p><p>The only thing that stopped my daughter was her WANTING to stop. She had to leave our city/state first, but that's far after age fifteen.</p><p></p><p>I think you need some common sense help from other parents. We found that many of daughter's therapists were idealistically unrealistic. Many therapists tend to have liberal attitudes toward parenting drug abusers, and that just doesn't work in my opinion. I highly suggest a NAR-Anon meeting and seeking out meetings at The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) for parents of mentally ill children. His depression is no excuse for making his life even worse. His prescribed medications can not work while he neutralizes them with spice, alcohol, anything else he may be taking that you don't know about. Now onto husband.</p><p></p><p>Is this his biological father? Is he always so detached? If so, you will probably have to learn how to live a good life in spite of your child's problems, but you will have to do it without your husband since he doesn't think it's a problem. You can do it alone if you have to. You need therapy and perhaps real life help to do this until he either quits or turns eighteen (then you have other options).</p><p></p><p>I am glad you found us. I am very sorry you had to look for us. Others will come along soon.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 613380, member: 1550"] Hi there and welcome to the board, although I'm sorry you felt you had to come here. Your son is young to be into all this stuff. So was my daughter. She started at twelve. As soon as we knew, although we NEVER knew the full extent until she quit everything and told all, we cut off her money supply. There were no cell phones then (she is 29 now), but we did cut off her access to the computer and cigarettes? Any time we found them in her purse (and we searched her purse, her room, everything), the ciggies got tossed in the trash. We did not want her to think we approved of smoking. After all, it's our house. She was on parole by age fifteen. It didn't stop her. When she bawled and said, "You can't invade my privacy and go through my things in my room" we reminded her that it is OUR house and that she is breaking the law and that WE can be arrested too if drugs are here and that she gave up her right to have privacy by breaking the law and our house rules. She would be furious when we found her pipes, cigarettes, etc. and threw them out because they always belonged to somebody else and she was just holding them (sure, sure). She had to get a job in order to have any spending money. Are you going to let you son get his driver's license? Sounds like he'd be a dangerous driver. My daughter was in three car accidents while high. Only one was with our car. It was the last time we let her drive it. But drug users don't have much common sense and several of her "friends" let her drive and two paid the price. Get a firebox, hide the key to it, and hide your car keys from him. We had to do that. The only thing that stopped my daughter was her WANTING to stop. She had to leave our city/state first, but that's far after age fifteen. I think you need some common sense help from other parents. We found that many of daughter's therapists were idealistically unrealistic. Many therapists tend to have liberal attitudes toward parenting drug abusers, and that just doesn't work in my opinion. I highly suggest a NAR-Anon meeting and seeking out meetings at The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) for parents of mentally ill children. His depression is no excuse for making his life even worse. His prescribed medications can not work while he neutralizes them with spice, alcohol, anything else he may be taking that you don't know about. Now onto husband. Is this his biological father? Is he always so detached? If so, you will probably have to learn how to live a good life in spite of your child's problems, but you will have to do it without your husband since he doesn't think it's a problem. You can do it alone if you have to. You need therapy and perhaps real life help to do this until he either quits or turns eighteen (then you have other options). I am glad you found us. I am very sorry you had to look for us. Others will come along soon. [/QUOTE]
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You can't expect change when things stay the same...right?
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