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"You deserve to live in peace"
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 671144" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Good for you SeaGenie, you are remembering what our hearts try to push out of our thoughts when we awfulize. You are remembering what your son brought to your house, and the undeniable, understanding that this is unacceptable. You are brave SeaGenie, in the face of your mother heartstrings tugging at your very soul, you did the once unimaginable, amazing feat of standing up for yourself, and removed your son from your home.</p><p>It is a terrible thing to have to do.</p><p>It is the right thing.</p><p>No one deserves to be treated this way.</p><p>Not no one, no how from nobody.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is the addiction with all of it's ugliness,</p><p>happening right under your nose,</p><p>in your house.</p><p>This is your son saying, I will be what I want to be, and I will be it in your house.</p><p>When we put up with these behaviors, allow them to continue, it escalates.</p><p>We are trying desperately to see our children as they once were.</p><p>They are showing us,</p><p>this is me now.</p><p>And despite all of the crazy</p><p>we cannot grasp it.</p><p>We cannot see it for what it is.</p><p>It is too painful.</p><p>We start to bargain</p><p>with ourselves, versus reason and safety.</p><p>We say in our mother hearts</p><p>"I can fix this</p><p>if I do this or I do that, I will fix this.</p><p></p><p>Through the bargaining and our reacting through the memories of our children as they once were,</p><p>the reality of it all emerges in the maelstrom.</p><p>As we protest, insults are hurled</p><p>excuses are thrown at us</p><p>then we go through the period of questioning.</p><p>Guilt.</p><p>Is it me? Did I somehow cause this in my child?</p><p>The bargaining continues.</p><p>Guilt ridden</p><p>dazed and confused</p><p>we try and try and try to fix this.</p><p>The more we try, the uglier the ugly gets.</p><p></p><p>And so, as we continue to bargain and help and the ugly gets uglier, </p><p>we are forced to realize, we are not helping.</p><p>Our d cs, for all the help we have given, hold us in contempt.</p><p>I think they begin to see us as stupid, so stupid because we keep helping.</p><p>Deep inside their minds their is a sort of incredulousness,</p><p>how does she take this from me?</p><p><img src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a9/03/81/a9038184979e575c899e3748221ab541.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p><p></p><p>How do we allow this? </p><p>It is through our deep love for them.</p><p>We have thrown away ourselves for them.</p><p>And they see this.</p><p>And they take advantage of it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes SeaGenie, he is not the son you raised, and yet, he is.</p><p>Remember the old commercial with the frying pan and the egg.</p><p>"This is your brain"....the egg is cracked separated and poured into the frying pan, "this is your brain on drugs."</p><p>But we keep seeing the egg, our children as they once were.</p><p>We do not want to look at the fried egg.</p><p>But we must.</p><p>This does not mean they will never be whole again.</p><p>It means they will not be whole under our roofs.</p><p>So we give them their wings.</p><p>But our mother heartstrings tug at us</p><p>we remember the egg and start to awfulize at what could, may, happen.</p><p>We want to know what is going on, how they are doing.</p><p>We have let them go from our house,we have not let them go from our thoughts.</p><p>Just as it was in our house, they are now in the <em>forefront</em> of our minds</p><p>because we have not learned to fill the empty</p><p>that happened</p><p>when we threw ourselves away for them.</p><p>So we try to fill the empty</p><p>with the intense need to know</p><p>what they are doing.</p><p>Instead of a normal</p><p>loving response</p><p>of a child/mother relationship</p><p>you get contempt</p><p><strong>"Stop stalking me."</strong></p><p>It is because you have sacrificed yourself, SeaGenie, </p><p>you are sacrificing yourself daily, </p><p>although he is not in your house,</p><p>it is just as bad,</p><p> and your son knows this.</p><p></p><p>We must fill the empty </p><p>by picking ourselves back up.</p><p>By discovering our own value.</p><p>by doing this</p><p>we are acknowledging our own self worth,</p><p>we are showing ourselves</p><p>and <em>our D cs</em></p><p>the promise,</p><p>the rainbow.</p><p>In this we can amaze ourselves in the power of G-d</p><p>In the power of ourselves.</p><p>In this we can </p><p>amaze our D c's.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes SeaGenie, it is a wonderful thing, this peace. Now to work on peace of heart peace of mind, so the whole of you comes together.</p><p></p><p> Yes prayers are powerful things SeaGenie. Have faith in your prayers. What you have written here, you are awfulizing even in your prayers.</p><p>I pray when my thoughts turn to my D c's, </p><p>"I have given them to you, the all powerful, in this I know they will be okay."</p><p></p><p></p><p>Wonderful SeaGenie, you have already taken steps to bring back your value, your own self worth.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Your welcome SeaGenie. And thank you. For in writing to you, and knowing your story, I am fortifying myself. I am hearing the new self talk, the "New Leaf".</p><p></p><p>I know a bit of this, not having family.</p><p>It is not as drastic as yours, it is not death that took my family, it is distance.</p><p><em>Well, my father passed and my Mom is very gravely ill.</em></p><p>But, that is another story....</p><p></p><p>There is a saying, "Friends are the family we choose."</p><p>Somewhere out there SeaGenie, are friends that will comfort you.</p><p>I should like to think of all of these souls on this board as our friends.</p><p></p><p>The best friend you can have is G-d.</p><p>Then the other best friend is</p><p>yourself.</p><p></p><p>Be kind to yourself SeaGenie! Love yourself!</p><p></p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 671144, member: 19522"] Good for you SeaGenie, you are remembering what our hearts try to push out of our thoughts when we awfulize. You are remembering what your son brought to your house, and the undeniable, understanding that this is unacceptable. You are brave SeaGenie, in the face of your mother heartstrings tugging at your very soul, you did the once unimaginable, amazing feat of standing up for yourself, and removed your son from your home. It is a terrible thing to have to do. It is the right thing. No one deserves to be treated this way. Not no one, no how from nobody. This is the addiction with all of it's ugliness, happening right under your nose, in your house. This is your son saying, I will be what I want to be, and I will be it in your house. When we put up with these behaviors, allow them to continue, it escalates. We are trying desperately to see our children as they once were. They are showing us, this is me now. And despite all of the crazy we cannot grasp it. We cannot see it for what it is. It is too painful. We start to bargain with ourselves, versus reason and safety. We say in our mother hearts "I can fix this if I do this or I do that, I will fix this. Through the bargaining and our reacting through the memories of our children as they once were, the reality of it all emerges in the maelstrom. As we protest, insults are hurled excuses are thrown at us then we go through the period of questioning. Guilt. Is it me? Did I somehow cause this in my child? The bargaining continues. Guilt ridden dazed and confused we try and try and try to fix this. The more we try, the uglier the ugly gets. And so, as we continue to bargain and help and the ugly gets uglier, we are forced to realize, we are not helping. Our d cs, for all the help we have given, hold us in contempt. I think they begin to see us as stupid, so stupid because we keep helping. Deep inside their minds their is a sort of incredulousness, how does she take this from me? [IMG]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a9/03/81/a9038184979e575c899e3748221ab541.jpg[/IMG] How do we allow this? It is through our deep love for them. We have thrown away ourselves for them. And they see this. And they take advantage of it. Yes SeaGenie, he is not the son you raised, and yet, he is. Remember the old commercial with the frying pan and the egg. "This is your brain"....the egg is cracked separated and poured into the frying pan, "this is your brain on drugs." But we keep seeing the egg, our children as they once were. We do not want to look at the fried egg. But we must. This does not mean they will never be whole again. It means they will not be whole under our roofs. So we give them their wings. But our mother heartstrings tug at us we remember the egg and start to awfulize at what could, may, happen. We want to know what is going on, how they are doing. We have let them go from our house,we have not let them go from our thoughts. Just as it was in our house, they are now in the [I]forefront[/I] of our minds because we have not learned to fill the empty that happened when we threw ourselves away for them. So we try to fill the empty with the intense need to know what they are doing. Instead of a normal loving response of a child/mother relationship you get contempt [B]"Stop stalking me."[/B] It is because you have sacrificed yourself, SeaGenie, you are sacrificing yourself daily, although he is not in your house, it is just as bad, and your son knows this. We must fill the empty by picking ourselves back up. By discovering our own value. by doing this we are acknowledging our own self worth, we are showing ourselves and [I]our D cs[/I] the promise, the rainbow. In this we can amaze ourselves in the power of G-d In the power of ourselves. In this we can amaze our D c's. Yes SeaGenie, it is a wonderful thing, this peace. Now to work on peace of heart peace of mind, so the whole of you comes together. Yes prayers are powerful things SeaGenie. Have faith in your prayers. What you have written here, you are awfulizing even in your prayers. I pray when my thoughts turn to my D c's, "I have given them to you, the all powerful, in this I know they will be okay." Wonderful SeaGenie, you have already taken steps to bring back your value, your own self worth. Your welcome SeaGenie. And thank you. For in writing to you, and knowing your story, I am fortifying myself. I am hearing the new self talk, the "New Leaf". I know a bit of this, not having family. It is not as drastic as yours, it is not death that took my family, it is distance. [I]Well, my father passed and my Mom is very gravely ill.[/I] But, that is another story.... There is a saying, "Friends are the family we choose." Somewhere out there SeaGenie, are friends that will comfort you. I should like to think of all of these souls on this board as our friends. The best friend you can have is G-d. Then the other best friend is yourself. Be kind to yourself SeaGenie! Love yourself! Leafy [/QUOTE]
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