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General Parenting
"You should know which assignment it is" not the right words for a 504
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 435160" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Susie, thanks for that explanation. Given our experiences it does make sense. With difficult child 1 he was 17 when we had a meeting at the school with his teachers to try to explain his needs. We had the therapist there also - made no difference. The attitude was, "Why must we coddle this kid? If we do he will never cope with the real world."</p><p>We said, "We know he won't cope. But the 'coddling' is not the problem. He will simply need more time and more support during that time. When he leaves school - that is our responsibility. Until then, his needs must be met. That is your responsibility."</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3, in his elementary school, had a different teacher each year. We heard of one teacher who refused to teach him. I was happy with that - anyone who didn't want to teach him was best kept well away from him. But eventually she got the gig, and although she saw herself as a champion for all her students (including difficult child 3) she did go the wrong way about it, constantly, and would not accept any advice from professionals. In fact, she saw this advice as meddling from amateurs. In the year she had difficult child 3, he missed half of it because his anxiety was so extreme that he was vomiting at the mere thought of school, even though he said he wanted to go there. When he was vomiting at school this teacher said he was bunging it on, he was making himself sick in order to get out of school. At the same time she insisted there was a physical cause to his illness and we were unfit parents if we accepted any 'lesser' diagnosis, such as anxiety. So we wasted most of the year trying to find a physical cause that was not there. At least we thoroughly ruled out any physical cause!</p><p></p><p>Now looking back, I can see that the aim of difficult child 3's teacher, and of other teachers difficult child 1 had, was to get me to stop coddling my kids and they would be fine.</p><p></p><p>I remember explaining patiently to difficult child 1's Ancient History teacher, about how he needed to work visually and he was not good at having to stand up in front of the class to give a talk. I emphasised that talking to difficult child 1 was not the best way, he needed to read the information. Talking to him - he would zone out. So I was flabbergasted when the teacher came to me and said, "I kept difficult child 1 in at lunchtime the other day and we talked for about half an hour on what I expect from him in this subject. He seemed receptive, he had good eye contact, he listened patiently. I think I finally got through to him. He'll be fine from here on."</p><p>I was blown away by the man's stupidity. I told him I valued his efforts and his caring, but when difficult child 1 was apparently paying attention and making eye contact, his mind was undoubtedly miles away. I said that unless he did a quick comprehension check afterwards, there was no way he could be sure that anything had sunk in. I also said, "We've been working on these problems with him since he was 6 years old. And you cured him with just a half hour talk! I congratulate you, you must write this up, I'm sure Lancet will want to publish..."</p><p></p><p>And that was one of the GOOD teachers!</p><p></p><p>I agree, not all teachers are like this. The teachers at difficult child 3's school are amazing. But I have found that where a school in general has this sort of attitude in any of the staff, and the attitude cannot be corrected, the problem tends to permeate the whole school and you are never going to make an impact sufficiently to ensure your child gets treated fairly. Rather than stick it out to prove a point or change the system, for the sake of your child you need to get out of there.</p><p></p><p>What happened at our local school - for years I tried to help them change and move into the 20th century (which is needed before you can head for the 21st). But the only thing that eventually had an impact, was when enrolment numbers dropped so low that a new principal was appointed. The old teachers were encouraged to take early retirement or do refresher courses. difficult child 3's worst teacher had a bad meltdown in front of her class (I think it was the pressure to acknowledge that teaching had moved on in the last 40 years and she hadn't done any inservice training) and is one of those now knitting doilies at home. But I still would not send my kid back there.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 435160, member: 1991"] Susie, thanks for that explanation. Given our experiences it does make sense. With difficult child 1 he was 17 when we had a meeting at the school with his teachers to try to explain his needs. We had the therapist there also - made no difference. The attitude was, "Why must we coddle this kid? If we do he will never cope with the real world." We said, "We know he won't cope. But the 'coddling' is not the problem. He will simply need more time and more support during that time. When he leaves school - that is our responsibility. Until then, his needs must be met. That is your responsibility." difficult child 3, in his elementary school, had a different teacher each year. We heard of one teacher who refused to teach him. I was happy with that - anyone who didn't want to teach him was best kept well away from him. But eventually she got the gig, and although she saw herself as a champion for all her students (including difficult child 3) she did go the wrong way about it, constantly, and would not accept any advice from professionals. In fact, she saw this advice as meddling from amateurs. In the year she had difficult child 3, he missed half of it because his anxiety was so extreme that he was vomiting at the mere thought of school, even though he said he wanted to go there. When he was vomiting at school this teacher said he was bunging it on, he was making himself sick in order to get out of school. At the same time she insisted there was a physical cause to his illness and we were unfit parents if we accepted any 'lesser' diagnosis, such as anxiety. So we wasted most of the year trying to find a physical cause that was not there. At least we thoroughly ruled out any physical cause! Now looking back, I can see that the aim of difficult child 3's teacher, and of other teachers difficult child 1 had, was to get me to stop coddling my kids and they would be fine. I remember explaining patiently to difficult child 1's Ancient History teacher, about how he needed to work visually and he was not good at having to stand up in front of the class to give a talk. I emphasised that talking to difficult child 1 was not the best way, he needed to read the information. Talking to him - he would zone out. So I was flabbergasted when the teacher came to me and said, "I kept difficult child 1 in at lunchtime the other day and we talked for about half an hour on what I expect from him in this subject. He seemed receptive, he had good eye contact, he listened patiently. I think I finally got through to him. He'll be fine from here on." I was blown away by the man's stupidity. I told him I valued his efforts and his caring, but when difficult child 1 was apparently paying attention and making eye contact, his mind was undoubtedly miles away. I said that unless he did a quick comprehension check afterwards, there was no way he could be sure that anything had sunk in. I also said, "We've been working on these problems with him since he was 6 years old. And you cured him with just a half hour talk! I congratulate you, you must write this up, I'm sure Lancet will want to publish..." And that was one of the GOOD teachers! I agree, not all teachers are like this. The teachers at difficult child 3's school are amazing. But I have found that where a school in general has this sort of attitude in any of the staff, and the attitude cannot be corrected, the problem tends to permeate the whole school and you are never going to make an impact sufficiently to ensure your child gets treated fairly. Rather than stick it out to prove a point or change the system, for the sake of your child you need to get out of there. What happened at our local school - for years I tried to help them change and move into the 20th century (which is needed before you can head for the 21st). But the only thing that eventually had an impact, was when enrolment numbers dropped so low that a new principal was appointed. The old teachers were encouraged to take early retirement or do refresher courses. difficult child 3's worst teacher had a bad meltdown in front of her class (I think it was the pressure to acknowledge that teaching had moved on in the last 40 years and she hadn't done any inservice training) and is one of those now knitting doilies at home. But I still would not send my kid back there. Marg [/QUOTE]
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