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Youngest daughter (25) living with much older man (33 years older) not talking to me
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<blockquote data-quote="Elsieshaye" data-source="post: 483461" data-attributes="member: 12928"><p>I second what klmno is saying. I was in this situation, too, and my parents convinced themselves that I was in danger and needed "rescuing" from his evil clutches - even though I was with him absolutely by choice and in fact needed his emotional help to separate from my parents (lots of enmeshment, long story). If your messages are disapproving or (even worse) weepy, overtly worried, and/or guilt-inducing, she won't call you. That's not to say that I don't think you should stop trying to reach her, but keep in mind that your perspective and hers are different, and he is not automatically a svengali-type abuser simply because he's 58. </p><p></p><p>(ETA: Yikes - I didn't read all the comments before I posted. Didn't realize you'd also called him svengali-like, and wasn't trying to throw your words back at you. Truth is, you don't know what she's told him about your relationship, and your perspective on your relationship and hers may not be the same. My parents thought we were "extremely close" and what we really were was enmeshed. I felt completely engulfed by them and had no idea how to tell them or how to separate myself from them. My older boyfriend helped, and I felt safe. Please don't assume that her experience with him is exactly like your experience in an abusive relationship. Even if it is, you can't rescue her - you can only continue to be there as a soft place to land once she chooses to end the relationship herself.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsieshaye, post: 483461, member: 12928"] I second what klmno is saying. I was in this situation, too, and my parents convinced themselves that I was in danger and needed "rescuing" from his evil clutches - even though I was with him absolutely by choice and in fact needed his emotional help to separate from my parents (lots of enmeshment, long story). If your messages are disapproving or (even worse) weepy, overtly worried, and/or guilt-inducing, she won't call you. That's not to say that I don't think you should stop trying to reach her, but keep in mind that your perspective and hers are different, and he is not automatically a svengali-type abuser simply because he's 58. (ETA: Yikes - I didn't read all the comments before I posted. Didn't realize you'd also called him svengali-like, and wasn't trying to throw your words back at you. Truth is, you don't know what she's told him about your relationship, and your perspective on your relationship and hers may not be the same. My parents thought we were "extremely close" and what we really were was enmeshed. I felt completely engulfed by them and had no idea how to tell them or how to separate myself from them. My older boyfriend helped, and I felt safe. Please don't assume that her experience with him is exactly like your experience in an abusive relationship. Even if it is, you can't rescue her - you can only continue to be there as a soft place to land once she chooses to end the relationship herself.) [/QUOTE]
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Youngest daughter (25) living with much older man (33 years older) not talking to me
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