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Parent Emeritus
Youngest is now a married woman.
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<blockquote data-quote="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow" data-source="post: 526490" data-attributes="member: 8405"><p>Sounds like you're handling it very well. You are wise to recognize and honor your feelings, as well as process that your daughters choice for her wedding was not intended to hurt you. </p><p></p><p>As I think back to "our special day" mom had her heart set on me walking down the asile to an operatic version of a hymn she loved. Not my taste at all but I agreed 'cause church rules said it had to be church music. If I had heard the singer before hand I never would have agreed. I have yet to learn to appreciate opera. But my siblings and I get a kick out of singing "beautiful opera". Lol. And in hindsight it is nice to hear mom speaking fondly of me walking in to her favorite hymn that day. (it always makes me laugh 'cause her idea of beautiful music is like fingernails on the chalkboard to me! Lol)</p><p></p><p>Probably 15-20 years later mom thought bagpipes would be beautiful for my sister. Again, probably not her first choice but in hindsight a fun memory. </p><p></p><p>Our estranged adopted DS-difficult child eloped the weekend of the royal wedding, then came back to recreate the event wsurrounded by his "new mommy and daddy" and other Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-typically triangulated "rescuers". </p><p></p><p>husband and I were not invited, but were glad DS's heart melted enough to extend a last minute invitation to our bio daughter. It seems like our estranged adopted daughter-difficult child was calling most of the shots as she has been well before their conjoined meltdown. daughter-difficult child arranged to be honored in a special "brother-sister dance" that left our Bio daughter sitting surrounded by the couples pretending to be our adoptees' new parents since they had their conjoined meltdown at ages 18 and 21. </p><p></p><p>Unlike you, our child's wedding was orchestrated to be one big eff you to us. However husband, Bio-daughter and I need to remind ourselves this is not personal, it is exactly how Reactive Attachment Disorder behaves. As personal as it feels, and boy does it FEEL personal! It is symptomatic of the mental illness that was diagnosed in our daughter-difficult child as she (and her half-bio brother) joined our family being adopted out of an estimated 17 failed placements. DS-difficult child did not move as many times but had at least 5 failed placements by the time the special needs sibling group arrived in our home when he was only 2.5..</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow, post: 526490, member: 8405"] Sounds like you're handling it very well. You are wise to recognize and honor your feelings, as well as process that your daughters choice for her wedding was not intended to hurt you. As I think back to "our special day" mom had her heart set on me walking down the asile to an operatic version of a hymn she loved. Not my taste at all but I agreed 'cause church rules said it had to be church music. If I had heard the singer before hand I never would have agreed. I have yet to learn to appreciate opera. But my siblings and I get a kick out of singing "beautiful opera". Lol. And in hindsight it is nice to hear mom speaking fondly of me walking in to her favorite hymn that day. (it always makes me laugh 'cause her idea of beautiful music is like fingernails on the chalkboard to me! Lol) Probably 15-20 years later mom thought bagpipes would be beautiful for my sister. Again, probably not her first choice but in hindsight a fun memory. Our estranged adopted DS-difficult child eloped the weekend of the royal wedding, then came back to recreate the event wsurrounded by his "new mommy and daddy" and other Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-typically triangulated "rescuers". husband and I were not invited, but were glad DS's heart melted enough to extend a last minute invitation to our bio daughter. It seems like our estranged adopted daughter-difficult child was calling most of the shots as she has been well before their conjoined meltdown. daughter-difficult child arranged to be honored in a special "brother-sister dance" that left our Bio daughter sitting surrounded by the couples pretending to be our adoptees' new parents since they had their conjoined meltdown at ages 18 and 21. Unlike you, our child's wedding was orchestrated to be one big eff you to us. However husband, Bio-daughter and I need to remind ourselves this is not personal, it is exactly how Reactive Attachment Disorder behaves. As personal as it feels, and boy does it FEEL personal! It is symptomatic of the mental illness that was diagnosed in our daughter-difficult child as she (and her half-bio brother) joined our family being adopted out of an estimated 17 failed placements. DS-difficult child did not move as many times but had at least 5 failed placements by the time the special needs sibling group arrived in our home when he was only 2.5.. [/QUOTE]
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