3 year old on Tenex!?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Callee Kelly, Apr 2, 2016.


Would you let your 3 year old be on Tenex 1mg daily?

  1. YES

    0 vote(s)
  2. NO

    1 vote(s)
  1. Callee Kelly

    Callee Kelly New Member

    Hi everyone, im new here.... my daughter is 3 and a half and I am having major difficulty with her. She will be kicked out of her daycare soon if her behavior doesnt improve soon :cry: she sees a family therapist, and she is starting behavioral therapy this week. But between her pediatrician, therapist and teachers at school they all say she is showing major signs on ADHD & ODD .... my heart is broken. Me and her dad divorced when she was 11 months and i am remarried and have another baby (1 year old) and she hates my husband... he is VERY strict and doesnt allow her talking back or acting out like she does normally (he has a 8 year old who is an angel :crushed:) i think he "loves" her as much as he can, because she isint his kid but i dont believe that he really "likes" her and were going through alot of changes on top of all this... im just devastated about all of this. i love her more than anyone or anything on this earth... her pediatrician prescribed Tenex ( 1mg daily, half in the morning, half in the afternoon) and im just so scared to give it to her because shes SO YOUNG! plus all i see if it makes them tired :cry: and can maybe change their personality. I just want her to mind and be a good girl.... as in a NORMAL 3 year old :(:(:(:(:(

    anyone have any advice or heard of or been a mom of a 3 YEAR OLD on Tenex :ignored::rain-little:
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My grand daughter is a sensitive child who cries easily and has trouble with self regulation. She is sweet as pie but can be difficult. Both her parents adore her but they know that strictness will only make her react more. I am concerned that your daughter's step father doesn't love or like your daughter. She is a baby and needs this man to love her. It is not ok, just because she is not his biological child, for your husband not to be able to offer her the male love every child needs. I have one biological child and three adopted and love them equally.
    I would be loathe to put a three year old on any medications. Its a personal decision.

    in my opinion if your husband doesnt love this difficult baby who will probably need special handling and parental understanding, the marriage will not be smooth. Perhaps he and you need counseling too?

    I highly recommend reading "the explosive child" by ross greene to start understanding your dear dsughter better. And in my opinion your husband should read it too.

    Is her father still in her life? Who diagnosed your daughter? Only a psychiatrist or neuropsychologist are legally allowed to test, evaluate and diagnose. There are other options for more thorough diagnoses too, but early diagnoses tend to evolve and change with age.

    Early interventions in my opinion are more helpful than therapy at age three. Do you find it helpful? Many young children who are differently wired do not respond to typical behavioral therapy, such as time outs. Often this only makes behavior more intense.

    I hope your husband doesnt use spanking on your daughter. If it were me. Id forbid it. That will only make her act out and feel worse.. it doesn't work.

    Your daughter is different, but different isnt bad and she cant help it and please dont call her "bad girl." She isnt. And that is as useless, making her feel bad, as it is to spank.

    You are important too. I hope your husband is kind to you and respects what you say and listens. We all deserve that from our spouse.
    Sorry you have to be here.
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2016
  3. Callee Kelly

    Callee Kelly New Member

    thank you for your reply.... believe me i cry myself to sleep most nights. i want them to love each other so much but her behavior wont allow it :(
    thank you for the book recommendation... i will definitely look into it.
    her father is in her life.... but just the basic "every other weekend" situation but she loves him and he loves her
    when i tell her something its like it literally goes in one ear and out the other... i can SEE that she heard me but that it isint processing... so she gets in trouble for the same thing over and over again.
    when i tell her to do something or tell her why she cant do something and i ask her to repeat it back to me... she cant... and i know shes smart (too smart, sometimes) i dont think her brain fully processes what is being said and what it means
    no, he DOES NOT spank her... only i do. that is a major rule
    i love her.... i just want her to be happy so i can be happy with her :cry:
  4. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    She definitely has something going on that is preventing her from being the way everyone seems to want her to be. You, and your husband, need to change your frame of mind. All children do well if they can. For some reason she can't and being punished for having a disability, although not diagnosed yet, that prevents her from "being a good girl" is cruel to me. Do NOT let anyone label her with ODD. That will cause nothing but even more problems when she gets to school. I would say find a neuropsychologist or even a PhD level psychologist to start finding out WHY she is acting as she does. I would also recommend that your husband not be allowed to discipline her AT ALL since he obviously just views her as a "brat". The damage punishment for things she can't do to her long-term emotional well-being is huge. You can ask my son with the extremely low self-esteem and occasional suicidal ideation because of all the "punishment" he received for things he couldn't help.

    Oh, and definitely get The Explosive Child by Ross Greene.
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  5. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    This poor baby, and she really is just a baby. She has had a lot of upheaval in only a few short years. A divorce, a new marriage, a new baby. It is typical for children to have behaviors that regress in these situations.

    But.... what concerns me the most is what you have written, that she hears you but doesn't comprehend. It sounds like she has something neurological going on. You may be punishing her for behavior she cannot control. (and I am against spanking under all circumstances, but that is a different discussion)

    I think that she needs a complete work up. My youngest is 4 with some slight delays (was exposed to drugs in utero) you need to find a neuropsychologist in either your largest local university hospital with a pediatrics department, or if you have a local children's hospital.

    I also think you need family counseling. No way would there be a man in my home that couldn't love and treat my child the same as he would his own children.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Totally ahree with TaeDo and Sisters Keeper too.

    Your daughter needs help. Your husband's attitude will hurt her. Shame on him. Hon, she should never be spanked. You need to find out why she cant be the way you want because kids dont deliberately decide to misbehave. Something is wrong but she isnt "bad." As her parent, it is your job to have her evaluated by a neuropsychologist or some othet high level professional.

    I am not getting a positive or mature impression of husband. People love thier kids unconditionally, regardless of how they can behave. If he didn't love your child, I'm wondering why he even married you. You are a package deal. He must have come into the picture very fast after your divorce. Nobody who didnt love my kid would be allowed around them...im guessing he isnt very nice to her.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Many developmental problems show up by age 3, and it sounds like her challenges have been showing for a while.

    Kids this young do NOT have ODD - not EVER. ODD is more often applied to tweens and teens - and even then, it's just a placeholder diagnosis, while other possible diagnoses are evaluated.

    Technically, she is too young for even an ADHD diagnosis. At this age, they don't HAVE the kind of attention span that can be evaluated. Most good diagnosticians rarely even consider ADHD before age 6.

    Keep in mind that pediatricians are not trained in diagnosing developmental challenges. They are medical doctors trained in treating medical conditions in children. Most therapists are not qualified to give diagnoses either. And teachers most certainly have zero training in this.

    Therefore... please get her in to someone (or a team) who specializes in the assessment of young children.
  8. soapbox

    soapbox Member

    She is too young to evaluate fully for this yet, but she may have some form of Auditory Processing Disorder. Please bring this to the attention of anyone doing an evaluation on her. It is a critical piece of information.

    Start writing down her history - right from when you knew you were pregnant.
  9. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    I agree with taking your daughter for a full evaluation at the best pediatric psychiatric hospital available. My stepson has been, as you describe, all of his life and at the age of 10 currently continues to have a lot of problems, is emotionally explosive and has threatened suicide and to harm others. He was never fully evaluated or received the appropriate treatment he needed. I have been his stepmother for about three years now, and am just now getting my husband to realize the necessity of having him fully evaluated.

    As a step-mother I can understand what your husband is going through, so I will offer my sympathies to him. I can understand why he is frustrated. I imagine he entered his marriage with you in hopes that he could help your daughter. I also imagine that over time, your daughter's behavior has overwhelmed him and his frustrations have grown to the point where he is easily set off. I have walked in his shoes and know how he feels. There are many times when I do not "like" the behaviors of my stepson. There are times when he pushes me past my limits, and I do not want to be around him. He actively rejects me on a daily basis, and I do not have that motherly bond with him. However, don't get me wrong, even though I do not "like" the way he acts, I care very much about my stepson and his future, and in that regard I try to focus on the things that will strengthen our relationship and try to avoid the things that damage it. It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but we are working on it.

    In order to reduce my stress level, I have had to step back and insist my husband parent his children. He wanted me to take care of everything, so that he didn't have to do anything but go to work, come home and relax. He's just that way. However, children by nature will be more responsive to their parents than an outsider. They will understand and forgive punishments from their parents, but the same is not true for an outsider. Trust me when I tell you, my stepsons see me as an outsider and may always see me that way. My stepson is angry with me because I have taken his mother's place, changed the rules and set boundaries. I am much stricter than his mother ever was. His life is not the same as when his mother was alive. This whole process brought me more stress then I bargained for to the point where it started to affect my marriage, and I started looking for a way out...but that's not what I really want in the long run, so changes needed to be made.

    When my husband is home, he is responsible for everything when it comes to his boys. I prepare meals, and participate in fun activities, but I try not to parent his boys when he is at home. I do not supervise them in their chores, and I do not participate in the going to bed ritual because there is usually a lot of fighting and arguing, which I do not tolerate well. The less parenting I do, the better. If I need the boys to do something, I tell my husband in private and then he tells them what needs to be done. I stay at home so the boys don’t have to go to daycare, and also so I can help them with their homework. Even when they are with me and their dad is at work, if there is a problem, I call their dad, and he talks with them to help sort out the issue or sets whatever punishment needs to be set. It has taken a little time, but it has helped. I don’t feel as stressed, and the boys now see their father more as the disciplinarian, instead of me.

    This all has taken a long time to put together. We have had constant conversations in private about how things should be approached and what should be done. We discuss what to do before things happen, and we discuss what happened afterward and how we could have done things better. We have even gone to a couple of family therapy sessions, which have been helpful, especially in areas where we disagree. All of this has helped us become a united front, which is absolutely essential.

    I hope some of this helps guide you in a positive direction. Marriage is hard and blending a family makes it even harder. If making your marriage work is important to you, you will need to seek outside support to help your family through all the problems you are facing.

    Blessing and hugs to you all.
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  10. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    One more thing, I forgot to add. While I agree that medication is essential for some people, it does not help children actually "learn" to control their behavior, which is what it sounds like your daughter really needs. At this age I would look more into behavior modification techniques, instead of medication. I am certain I would not put my three year old on it, especially since it is only recommended for children ages 6 to 17.
  11. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member


    I think your advice is very smart. Trying to think from a child's point of view, putting aside the behavioral issues for now, I imagine that it is very difficult to have someone new come into your life and change everything that you are used to, and on top of that that person is always angry of you, or disapproving. (even if it is deserved)

    Callee, I think it may be a smart thing to attempt Roxona's method, and you take over the parenting and let your husband be more involved in the "happy" or fun things.

    A few questions. I know you said she is having behavior problems at school, how is she with bio dad? Are there the same types of issues?

    When you say she hears you but can't seem to understand, is that in all matters or just in regards to discipline. Is it more evident with complex or abstract ideas?

    Can you, say, give her a mundane task like, "Close the door," and she can follow it?

    How is her speech? Is she or has she been on target with other milestones? It truly sounds like there is more going on than just "bad" behavior.

    My littlest is delayed. She has some speech delays and is behind her peers socially. While we don't have any behavior problems, as in acting out, she does cry easily when she is frustrated. She needs more concrete and simple instructions than the others did at her age.

    I can say to her "Close the door," and she does it. If I tell her close and lock the door," she will likely do one and not the other, but if I tell her to close the door, and she does, and then I say, "Now lock it," she will. She just can't follow multiple steps.

    I wonder, also, instead of discipline, you have tried positive reinforcement. For me it will go a ways if I offer a "treat" for "good behavior." Like if she puts her toys away without a ton of prompting, I say something like, "You did such a good job of putting your toys away by yourself, let's take a break and read a story or play a game."
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