Raven,
I'm so glad you found us. The wise warriors on this board have helped me more than I can say - and they'll help you, too. I had a small taste of what you're dealing with at the end of summer. My 19year old daughter was very angry with me. She'd impulsively moved out of my home and into a hotel with a loser guy she met on the internet - and "knew" for a whopping three days!. I would not give her money, driver her to work, or do anything to assist her in this bizarre situation. When it fell apart, three weeks later, she moved back with her dad. While she was with this guy, she'd talk to me, text me, meet me for coffee. The day she moved back, she stopped speaking to me and did not speak to me for a month. It's a longer story than this, but I won't go into it now. The important thing was that I let her know, through her dad, that I loved her and wanted her in my life ... and then I waited. She finally called and we've never spoken about her absence other than to say we missed one another.
She, unfortunately, continues her bad behavior at her dad's ... they have a nice little co-dependant relationship: he doesn't call her on her lying and her hypersexuality, and she doesn't call him on his drinking. It works for them, and it's out of my hands. BUT, she is now coming here every other weekend and - while here - she is on her best behavior. We aren't out of the woods yet but, at least for now, she respects my rules...even if it's only for a few days per month.
Deep down, your kids respect your refusal to enable them. They can't see it now, but I'm betting they will. If there is a way you can extend a simple "I love you" to them - text, note, facebook, e-mail, message through someone who knows you both - then do so. Then wait and pray.
I also suggest you read "CoDependant No More". It is very enlightening and it helped me to separate her choices and behavior from my beliefs and good intentions.
Best of luck to you.
Dash