American Justice

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by FTN, Jan 14, 2008.

  1. FTN

    FTN New Member

    The prosecutor just called. He (or she?) has decided hes not going to prosecute. I guess two girls (19 & 16) who accused her ex-husband, convicted felon two times over, of molesting them when they were around 13 isn't good enough. He said it was a case of 'he said vs. she said.'

    She told me all of this after dinner. The call had come while I was helping the difficult child with her homework as we were cooking. My love managed to hold it all in until after we ate. She told me as soon as we got back to the bedroom. I cried right when she told me. She remained stoic while working on a sudoku book. Shes asleep right now, holding my right hand as I fumble trying to type this.
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm sorry. It really is hard to understand why some get prosecuted and some get away with a crime. I think in this case the problem is how long ago it happened, that it is family making the claims and, like many rape cases, it does become he said v. she said because of the time gap. It really stinks.

    Do the girls know yet? If not, if possible, it might be best to let them know with a therapist present. Being molested is bad enough. Not being believed or having it negated by the law makes it so much worse and uglier.

    Gentle hugs to all of you.
  3. FTN

    FTN New Member

    None of them know yet. easy child #1 is at work. #2 is in her room working on a project with a friend from school. difficult child is outside playing in the snow with other kids from the neighborhood.

    Its cliché I know but I'm really at a loss for words. I went to out to the car for broke down. I just cried screaming "no" and bashing the dash. I can't imagine what shes going through right now.
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    This does not mean that they have not been believed. You need to make that abundantly clear. it's just that trying to prosecute beyond reasonable doubt from a LEGAL point of view, is a different matter entirely.

    Look at it this way - they have told someone, they are believed, they do not have to go to court over it but they can now work to put it behind them without having to publicly relive it.

    At least you have investigated this possibility. it's better to have at least checked it out, than to always wonder.

    And there are other legal avenues should you choose to give them a try - the standard of proof is not so high in a civil suit, for example. However, this is an area where the US legal system is different to the Australian/British system. For us, there is no statute of limitations on incest and rape.

  5. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Marge makes a very important point about making sure they know they are BELIEVED.

    (((((Hugs))))) to all of you!
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is a good reason why so many women/girls are afraid to come forward. I have no words, but I'm not surprised, unfortunately.
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    For what it's worth: It's truly more important that you and girlfriend held them, believed them, pursued the possibility of criminal justice, and ultimately protected them. A civil suit would be out the window with me. I'd go the healing route before I dragged them through something like that.

    In a civil suit, there are certainly less requirements to fulfill to be held accountable, but there are also less guidelines as far as lines of questioning, implying guilt, lying, etc. which could ultimately prove more damaging for the girls.

    At this point, justice isn't on the adjenda, BUT healing is.

    I wish there was a way to help you guys - short of a tire iron for that spawn...I hate people that victimize kids!

  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I felt a need to add that you're a very kind, big-hearted man for such a young man--or an older one too. I may sometimes give you harsh advice which is only my own opinion, but I admire your caring, loving heart. These women are lucky to have you. I think therapy would be much needed here for the girls. They're going to feel so bad about this--and it makes me sick.
    I volunteer at a shelter for domestically abused women and their children. It's an issue close to my heart.
  9. FTN

    FTN New Member

    They called again today giving us clarification on why they're not prosecuting. Since there was no force or penetration, they're declaring it basically poor judgment. So remember, its ok in this state for a male in his thirties to get in the shower with twelve year old girls and rub them just so long as you don't penetrate.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    "no force" - if they are under age, it's a great deal more than poor judgement. By law, it's force, since they are not old enough to give consent. Saying "no force" is implying that there was consent. But there can't be, legally.

    Severe damage can be done, regardless. And that damage is not actionable? totally crazy.

  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I have no more faith in the justice system. I have not had for several years. I am an over comer of domestic violence and torture.
    When I was younger - there were no rights to protect women. My life and circumstances ARE a part of something that has changed history in this world for better advocating for victims rights - I never got to see my abuser in jail - it was "he said - she said"
    apparently when I managed to escape - I forgot to grab something I was tortured with as proof. My ex did horrible things to my son also - and again - "he said she said" once my son after 11 years could talk about it. No one wanted to take an 11 year old case to trial.

    So I understand your frustration and pain.

    Seek therapy, hug often, and do let the girls know that even though that man didn't get punished here - he will be some day.

    Do let them know that by speaking out - they HAVE made a difference - the more people that are not afraid to speak out - the more this will be noticed. They did a very BRAVE thing -

    Hug them for me - they are heros in my book.

    Sorry for the bad news - Hugs to your wife