Hello everyone! After reaching new levels of frustration this afternoon I went on google looking for support groups as living in a small town means that local support groups are nonexistent, and I found this site. It is nice to know that even though I may feel alone, I really am not. To start off, my name is Stephanie. I am 33 almost 34 years old and have been married to a wonderful man for almost 11 years years. I am a stay at home mom to 2 usually great boys who are 10 and 3 years old. I am also a full time college student. My oldest son is our special needs child. He did not speak until he was 5 years old, his previous doctors were more concerned about his lack of immunizations than the fact that he was not speaking. After several changes in doctors, we moved to a new town and found a doctor that was actually willing to listen to us and make the necessary referrals to get our son into speech therapy. Shortly after he started speech, we noticed other behavior issues and took him to get an evaluation done. After a month and a half of testing he was given the diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and ODD. We were told that basically our son fit somewhere on the autism spectrum but they were not entirely sure where as he does not fit any real descriptors. My husband and I think he has Aspergers as a lot of his issues are related to social skills. My son also ADHD type behaviors and some obsessive tendencies when it comes to things he likes to talk about or think about. There is also no disagreement with the ODD diagnosis as he is defiant with almost everything we tell him as parents. I am pretty much at the end of my rope. There is nothing really "typical" about our son, and what seems to work in the books, does not work for him. We have tried time-outs and he will sit in his chair and for the entire duration of his time out will yell (I do not think he even has a normal volume setting)"moooomy! mooooommmmy!". After hearing that nonstop for even 2 minutes it starts to get on my nerves, after his whole 10 minutes have passed I am about ready to tear out my hair. We have tried totally removing him and putting him into a quiet room. He will either open his door and come out every 30 seconds or less, or he will pound on the door like he has been locked in and will yell for either myself or his dad. When talking to him about what he did that we did not like he will smile at us, smirk, or look like he is trying to not laugh. He also thinks it is quite funny when his younger brother gets in trouble and will purposefully try to get him into trouble as well. He will smile or straight out laugh about it. A perfect example would be earlier today I caught my youngest throwing large rocks at our front door. He got his warning and eventually was put into time-out. My oldest thought this was amusing. When the 3yr old's time-out was over he went back outside. I stood next to the window out of their sight to see and hear what was going on and I saw my 10 yr old hand his brother a rock and told him to throw it at him and he would run towards the house. The youngest said no but was easily persuaded to take the rock and throw it. I came out of the house and both kids knew they were in trouble. The 3yr old said "sowwy mommy" and the oldest was trying not to laugh. I put the oldest in his room where he started to cry and then began to yell my name over and over. He repeatedly asked when he could come out and asked me over and over why he was put into his room. 10 minutes later after not responding to my name or answering his questions I went in for an apology and to explain why he was put into his room even through I had already explained earlier. After my last explanation, he began to ask me again why he was put into his room, and several variations of the "what would happen if...". It was like he just didn't care, he just wanted to talk for the sake of talking. I do not think that anything I do in form of "punishment" gets through to this child. He only acts like this at home. I asked his teacher, his aide, and even the special education teacher about his behavior at school and they all give me glowing reports about how sweet and kind he is. He does get easily distracted at school and can sometimes will act up, but they all have said that he was easily re-directed and that the issue never lasted very long. He told me once that they reason he will listen at school but changes his entire disposition at home is because we are mean. When asked what he meant by mean, he said because we put him in time-out and because we take away his privilege of playing video games. We have tried rewards for good behavior, but now he expects them all the time, regardless of his behavior. He will throw an almighty fit if he does not get what he considers to be the right number of good behavior stars at the end of the day. The fits and tantrums will become even worse if his youngest brother earns all his stars but he does not. We have also tried an allowance system and all it has gotten us is him demanding more and more money - and he will also ask other people to give him money if he does something nice. Like he asked my mom for a dollar after he went out into their yard and picked up all the sticks that had fallen from the trees during the previous night's wind storm. He was not asked to do this, he did it on his own - but he still expected payment for it. I just do not know what to do anymore. I feel like a failure as a parent as far as he is concerned. I am not sure how I could have one child that is so hyper, obsessive, and socially unskilled as our 10 year old and then turn around 6.5 years later and have another child that is the complete opposite. Our three year old uses his manners all the time. He loves to laugh, play and give hugs. He is the sweetest little boy, but I also fear that since he does look up to his older brother that there will be some changes to the personality of our youngest. I cannot think of anything else that I can do that will help our oldest catch a clue. How do you reason with someone or try to teach someone that does not give a darn what you have to say? How can you explain to someone about hurting others, like trying to get them into trouble, when they think it is funny? I know what siblings do not always get along, I know that I did not with my younger brothers... but I think that this situation can turn out to be dangerous as there is not impulse control in the 10 year old. There is not thought to consequences or any voice inside this kid's head to tell him to stop, this might hurt you or someone else. If anyone can give me some advice or guidance as I try to navigate these incredibly murky waters I would be forever grateful. I just do not know what to do anymore.