BusynMember
Well-Known Member
This list blew my mind as I continue to study the dynamics of families...the Golden Child, the Lost Child and the Scapegoat. I just found out one can be a scapegoat who speaks out and gets into trouble for it and also a people pleaser. I had to check "yes" to almost every single people pleaser trait. In my heart, if somebody says something about me, I believe it. I didn't even know I was supposed to or allowed to ever put myself first until I joined Codependents Anonymous and, although I got accused of it, I didn't. When I had a meltdown because I was not rightly medicated for my mood disorder, that was not being selfish...it was my illness. I did blame myself for everything that went wrong. I still have to fight that, but I'm a lot better now. Yes, I used to think I had to fix everyone, which is how I got into trouble often with my FOO. I spoke out in behalf of others and got blamed for it by both parties, but I felt I had to try.
The only two that don't fit me are the last two. I never did bury my feelings and perhaps could not control them enough until put on good medications. And there still is a risk that rarely happens now if I'm under extreme stress so that the medications can't work.
I don't believe I ever confused pity for love, however I did feel I had to care for others, such as my fist husband.
How about you. Any surprises?
Maybe I'm the only one interested in this. Happens a lot
Characteristics of People Pleasers:
The only two that don't fit me are the last two. I never did bury my feelings and perhaps could not control them enough until put on good medications. And there still is a risk that rarely happens now if I'm under extreme stress so that the medications can't work.
I don't believe I ever confused pity for love, however I did feel I had to care for others, such as my fist husband.
How about you. Any surprises?
Maybe I'm the only one interested in this. Happens a lot
Characteristics of People Pleasers:
- People Pleasers rarely consider their own needs, wants, and desires.
- People Pleasers take any criticism as fact, and immediately suffer a deflation in their own self-esteem.
- People Pleasers feel an extraordinary fear of abandonment.
- People Pleasers blame themselves for everything that ever goes wrong.
- People Pleasers are more concerned with others' feelings than their own.
- People Pleasers have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, expecting of themselves magical abilities to fix the significant others' in their lives.
- People Pleasers learned early in their lives to bury their own feelings, needs, and wants, and keep them buried until they get help for their problems.
- People Pleasers chronically confuse pity with love and self-sacrifice with caring for others.