Acacia
Well-Known Member
I posted somewhat regularly a few years ago. I don't see as much activity here, but I remember how wise and non-judgmental people on this site are. My difficult adult daughter (borderline/substance abuse) stopped contact with me four years ago. I'm heartbroken over not seeing my grandchildren, but I have detached because at 68, I don't want the awful drama and abuse in my life. I know she's not doing well, but I have accepted the situation.
Today, I'm back because of my 36 year old son. I have limited contact with him. He is on suboxone, has been in and out of jail for drug offenses, but has not been in trouble with the law for about 4 years. I see him about once every 6 weeks to get a meal together. Because he has a felony for dealing drugs, it has been difficult for him with employment, credit, etc. Because he has been respectful for the past year, I co-signed a 9 month lease for him (he is the renter, I am just cosigner - not resident), of which 4 1/2 months is up, so my name will be off the lease in 5 months.
Here's the problem and the reason I'm up at 4 in the morning writing. I am concerned that he is dealing again. He said he saved $7,000, but he was sick and didn't work for 2 months. He just bought a used motorcycle and truck, and has two used cars. Something doesn't add up with what he says he earns and what he spends. He still uses my home address even though he lives 2 hours away. I have asked him to use his own address, but he says there's a lot of theft where he lives. He's also starting to talk about how tough he is, so no one messes with him.
I feel like I'm being duped, but maybe I am just being paranoid. I feel weak. I communicate by text because it's less stressful, but If I question him, he's likely to either ignore me or to shut me down. I am ashamed at still letting him use my address, and I don't want to be connected to anything illegal- but am afraid of his anger, guilting, and manipulation that I'm not a loving mother.
I plan to text him tomorrow, but don't want to accuse him. I will be relieved when I'm off the lease. I also want to set a boundary about the mail, but I'm shaking in my boots. Why is this so hard for me? Should I give him the chance to defend himself, or should I go with my instincts. I am a fearful person, so I can get ahead of myself. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.
Today, I'm back because of my 36 year old son. I have limited contact with him. He is on suboxone, has been in and out of jail for drug offenses, but has not been in trouble with the law for about 4 years. I see him about once every 6 weeks to get a meal together. Because he has a felony for dealing drugs, it has been difficult for him with employment, credit, etc. Because he has been respectful for the past year, I co-signed a 9 month lease for him (he is the renter, I am just cosigner - not resident), of which 4 1/2 months is up, so my name will be off the lease in 5 months.
Here's the problem and the reason I'm up at 4 in the morning writing. I am concerned that he is dealing again. He said he saved $7,000, but he was sick and didn't work for 2 months. He just bought a used motorcycle and truck, and has two used cars. Something doesn't add up with what he says he earns and what he spends. He still uses my home address even though he lives 2 hours away. I have asked him to use his own address, but he says there's a lot of theft where he lives. He's also starting to talk about how tough he is, so no one messes with him.
I feel like I'm being duped, but maybe I am just being paranoid. I feel weak. I communicate by text because it's less stressful, but If I question him, he's likely to either ignore me or to shut me down. I am ashamed at still letting him use my address, and I don't want to be connected to anything illegal- but am afraid of his anger, guilting, and manipulation that I'm not a loving mother.
I plan to text him tomorrow, but don't want to accuse him. I will be relieved when I'm off the lease. I also want to set a boundary about the mail, but I'm shaking in my boots. Why is this so hard for me? Should I give him the chance to defend himself, or should I go with my instincts. I am a fearful person, so I can get ahead of myself. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.