Baseball game

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Liahona, May 22, 2012.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    husband took the difficult children to a baseball game. For the most part they had fun. BUT, difficult child 1 accidently hit difficult child 3 hard enough to make him cry. husband said difficult child 1 was being spastic and lost track of where his arms were. difficult child 1 then had to play around people his own size. Then a little 5 year old latched on to difficult child 1. Why is it that difficult child 1 is the coolest thing on earth to some little boys? I just don't get it. According to husband the kid screamed twice and was running around difficult child 1. difficult child 1 started to run away from the boy. He followed saying "whats wrong? I stopped. " Then difficult child 1 growled at him, chest puffed out, leaning forward, fists balled, arms bent. One hairs breath away from attacking this little kid, in public, with husband right there. husband recognized that difficult child 1 needed help with the little boy and was on his way over when difficult child 1 did this. For some reason the child still thinks difficult child 1 is the coolest thing on earth and keeps following him around. husband has to firmly tell the kid to leave and go play somewhere else while he has difficult child 1 within arms length and is leaving.

    husband is scared and he doesn't say that often. And he is mad at difficult child 1. What on earth is going to happen to my child? He can't threaten people; especially little kids! husband really yelled at him. I yelled at him. OK, I don't yell. I'm so soft spoken. I talked firmly. It felt like yelling. difficult child 1 was still blaming the 5 year old. difficult child 1 is smart enough that eventually he stopped talking and just let husband get it all out. I could tell by the defiant look in his eye that he still thinks its not his fault. difficult child 1 is smart.

    We're not going to take him out in public for awhile and the supervision at home just increased. Actually difficult child 1's time stuck in his bedroom by himself just increased because I don't think I can supervise that much.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    While difficult child's behavior was not appropriate, he didn't DO anything to the kid thanks to husband but look at it from his point of view. "I'm playing and having fun. This little kid comes up to me and starts bugging me. I tell him to stop but he doesn't. I try to walk away but he follows me. What can I do to make this annoying little kid leave me alone? I can "posture" like I have seen animals do! I can scare him away." OR "If this kid doesn't leave me alone, I'm gonna blow. I can't handle this kid anymore!"

    All the while, he's getting angry because 1)the kid was annoying him in the first place and 2)the kid was not respecting his boundaries.

    YUP, I agree with difficult child on this one. Personally, I think he did rather well. Striking at the kid was NOT his first reaction. That is good.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Our boys are on the same track right now. The last 911 call was over a situation where Q bumped into alittle girl and she cried and told on him. Q panicked and got out of control. It is so nuts. I have to keep him away from the neighbor kids, he blames her for tattling even though it was an accident. He says he is going to start something if he sees her, etc. He says that kind of stuff all the time and doesn't do it (usually just says it to get me to react or to vent frustration)...but I can't take the risk.

    I feel like he does better when we give him some space but if anything happens you have to be so close.
  4. TeDo - I understand what you're saying and I agree with you. Yes, difficult child did not hit the other child and yes, he tried to get the child to leave him alone.

    Other options need to be discussed with difficult child so he can learn how to deal with situations like this or how to remove himself from a situation like this. Maybe some role playing or brain storming - eg. going over to the child's parents and asking them to keep their child away from him. What would he say, how would he say it? Or go back to Dad and explain the problem and get help from him to deal with it.

    difficult child didn't handle himself really poorly but there could be some other skills put into place so that when this happens again difficult child can handle himself better.

    I don't blame difficult child for this because the other child's parents should have been aware of what their little one was doing and put a stop to it. But we all know that doesn't always happen.

    My difficult child did something similar a few years ago. He was 13 and my friends 5 year old was driving him batty. The kid just wouldn't leave him alone, parents were there and did nothing - and this had been going on all weekend - not just with difficult child - with everyone that was camping. Anyway, the little guy just wouldn't stop at one point and difficult child couldn't take it any more and he chased the child down and tripped him. Luckily the little one didn't get hurt but I was very upset with difficult child for not dealing with it better. So, I've been there done that and had to talk to difficult child about better ways to handle situations - it's so hard though because you just can't always predict what those situations are going to be.

    I guess the best answer would be to make sure that difficult child knows how to figure out a way to remove himself from any type of situation - even if it's to go and sit in the car, return home for a while, go to a different playground. Not fair but sometimes it's necessary.

    Sorry that happened Liahona
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sigh. So sorry.
    You've gotten some great comments here. I would only add, that while your difficult child is posturing and acting "Big" to scare the kid away, the kid is thriving on the attention and either likes negative attention, or thinks it's all a game.
    Either way, I understand why you are keeping difficult child 1 home for awhile.
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Thanks for all your replies. Yesterday there was another incident. This time at school with a 4th grade girl (at least it wasn't a kindergartner.) I know this doesn't work for all the kids on this board, but I'm going to drastically reduce the amount expected from him in all areas except safety. I can't have the expectation that he did a good job by not hitting her. difficult child 1 doesn't work that way. He needs the expectation of what is safe behavior and ANY deviation from it is noticed and corrected. If I don't do this his behavior nose dives as he is trying to find where the boundary is. I know he can have safe behavior. That he knows what it is and has done it in the past.

    Thanks for the idea of going over what he should've done. We've gone over what to do in the house with his siblings. We have not gone over the scene of being out in public and what to do when he is escalating then. Plus, I wasn't there; it was husband.

    We just need to hold on for 2 weeks.

    husband isn't on board with the lower expectations. I talked to him last night about how my goal for the next 2 weeks is to not have to call the police on difficult child 1. I talked about not asking difficult child 1 to do stuff. husband agreed with me, but later started talking about how difficult child 1 could be doing so much more around the house. This could be interesting.
  7. Liahona - I think it may be a good idea to reduce some expectations of difficult child for a little while. Just focusing on the safety is important. I wonder if he could figure out a 'safe' place to get away from a problem when he's out in public. Like if he goes to his room to get away from things at home, could he go to the car when out in public? Or practice a firm but not aggressive way to tell a child to 'back off'. Or approach you and husband with a special touch that is a signal that he needs your help. Maybe 3 taps on the shoulder. That way if you're in conversation with another adult he isn't being rude by interrupting but you will know that he needs your attention asap.

    Just a couple of thoughts that might help. Not sure if they would apply to your difficult child or not.

    My best to you.
  8. HopeRemains

    HopeRemains New Member

    Lia- I like the idea of the focus going to safety for awhile. It makes sense to me. There was so much I wanted to just pour into difficult child's toc's lap the other day, but I didn't- Because he was reasoning with difficult child about how easy child is too small to understand the things he does and working on getting him to treat easy child better. It's been a couple of sessions now of just that and that is #1 on my priority list, too.

    I understand that you are trying to take preventative action here and agree. I hope this works out for you guys! Good luck.