Battle of the Sisters ARGH!!!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Jul 6, 2010.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    easy child and Nichole are at odds with one another.........or rather, easy child is at odds with Nichole. Nichole's beef is with sister in law and justifiably so. Nichole tried not to drag easy child into it but easy child seems determined to stay there. ugh!

    Most of you know easy child and nichole had "words" over the whole mess with bff's husband and nichole I won't go back into all that. I had to tell both easy child and sister in law to step back away from that situation as it honestly had little to do with them. And because they were making a bad situation much more worse.

    So that got smoothed over.

    Nichole had been watching easy child's boys on the weekends and the hour layover from when sister in law goes to work and easy child gets home from work. Other days a babysitter has them. (1 maybe 2 days a wk for babysitter) I knew that easy child was paying nichole to watch the boys. No problem. Then sister in law complained about how much he hated mowing their huge yard although he has a riding mower. Nichole volunteered to do it for a fee. Again no problem.

    Then easy child and sister in law ask nichole to watch the house and their animals while they go away for a week for vacation. Offer to pay her. She is also supposed to mow the grass while they were away, again with payment.

    While all this sounds grand for everyone involved............Well let's just say Mom knew it wasn't going to work out that way. :tongue: I told easy child before she ask nichole to go back to watching the boys that it was time to keep them at the sitter and stop relying on family for the bulk of her daycare. That if she is going to be a working parent she has to accept the fact that her kids will be cared for by non family members. Also at the time nichole was still looking for work and planning to go back to school....But easy child decided she wanted to "help" nichole out so offered the babysitting.

    So......easy child and sister in law leave on their vacation. easy child at last minute left nichole with items to mail off to her friend who had a baby, gave her the money to do so. Nichole took care of the animals no issues. But it poured here almost the entire week. Then when the yard finally dried out enough she could mow........Nichole discovered sister in law had parked his huge truck right up against the garage door making it nearly impossible for her to get the riding mower out. And she hurt herself doing so. Then so goes to mow the grass and discovers all the gas cans are empty.

    Now both nichole and her boyfriend are not working. Money is in short supply to say the least. So she said to heck with the lawn, she couldn't mow it without gas anyway.

    The day easy child and sister in law were coming home evidently sister in law calls her and asks about the lawn. Nichole informed him of the situation and he totally went off on her. Bawled her out, called her named, and told her she was stupid and she should have borrowed the money to mow his grass cuz now he'd have to do it.:mad:

    Now as I said, things had not been going smoothly with this whole deal from the get go. Nichole has had issues with sister in law "playfully" punching her, tormenting her ect. She has had big issues getting easy child to actually give her the money owed her. Not because easy child doesn't have it, but because easy child has no money worries and just doesn't give it a real thought, making nichole beg for money earned. Being invited out to meals and then harassed by sister in law that they are moochers ect. (this is done to everyone not just nichole) It is under the pretense of teasing.......but yeah. Making fun of the family whenever he is around us.......sometimes rather cruel remarks.

    Well, evidently Nichole had reached her breaking point and let sister in law have it no holds barred. Yet she did NOT take it to the personal levels that were reached during last nosedive into gfgdom. While mad as heck......she did not go to her normal extreme.

    She did tell sister in law that he could take his lawn and shove it, and that he could watch his own boys because she was done being treated like dirt.

    At that point.........

    Well, I do love sister in law, although there are times when he is extremely difficult to love. The guy was taught nothing by his parents. He has no respect for anyone....seriously, and if he does, he has no clue how to show it. He blurts out racist remarks constantly, he says mean and cruel things while "joking" so if you get hurt by it.....well he was just joking. He is rude and ill mannered. To the point where I have to force myself to eat in a restaurant with him. He can never be wrong. He does everything right. Gawd, yeah.:tongue: But he does have his good the moment I'm having a difficult time seeing them. He wused to be very helpful ect. Now if you ask him to do something he will put it off until you finally find someone else to do it.......or make you feel like **** for asking.

    Ok so Nichole had had it and let him know it. She was mad, but in my opinion her response was fairly appropriate. At first I didn't agree with her not watching the boys because that puts easy child in a bind......but when she explained to me that it puts her into constant contact with sister in law.......who when she does say something about his behavior to easy child tends to really crank it up and call her a whiney baby........she just didn't want to deal with it anymore.

    Next thing I know I have a hysterical Nichole calling me. I'm to look at her fb page and see what sister in law wrote. She was livid and deeply hurt. He brought up the whole bff husband thing and said some really nasty things . She wanted to kill him for what he said. And yeah got to say I was running a close 2nd. He'd said it meant to cut like a knife.......totally inappropriate, had nothing to do with what they were arguing about, he just wanted to hurt her and hurt her bad.:mad:

    As you can imagine it esculated for a while. I had easy child calling me in hysterics. Nichole ready to kill........Had to make both girls realize this was between nichole and sister in law not between nichole and easy child. And just as I had them somewhat settled..........sister in law calls me demanding his house key from Nichole and trying his best to drag me into the fight.

    I ripped him a new one. I was not kind, nor did I hold back. I told him exactly how I felt about his comment to Nichole, that he knew what he was doing when he said it and it was done intentionally. And that he was not going to make me chose sides between my daughters or he's was gonna have momma bear from hades to deal with. And I hung up on him.:mad::mad::mad:

    I have, other than listening to both sides with little or no comments, stayed out of it. It hasn't been easy. But I've done it.

    easy child is truely a easy child. I'm more proud of her than she will ever know, although I do try to tell her how proud I am of her. Life, other than living with 2 difficult child sibs, has not been overly difficult for her. School came easily, friends came easily, relationships came easily, her career ect while she worked hard for it.....still came farily easily. She has known no real hard times as an adult. She is determined only to see Nichole's faults, she does not let her see the progress the girl has made over the last several years or even the past 2 months. Nichole is always wrong and she is always right. And if I disagree with her, then I'm siding with Nichole or making excuses for her.

    These 2 girls grew up sharing a room. They should know each others personalities by now. easy child has the heart of gold, wants family and has good intentions even though she doesn't always follow through and sometimes takes advantage unintentionally. She has to have the last word, no matter what. Nichole is one who will tell you how she feels no matter where the chips fall. She can say cruel hurtful things she doesn't mean in an effort for the person to see how strongly she feels. Family is also important to her, it is the end all be all no matter what.

    I am disappointed in easy child. She is saying she is done with her sister completely. She is siding with her husband although he was completely in the wrong. She has decided that they are the ones being taken for granted ect. Nichole is in the wrong.

    Nichole is still furious with sister in law and does not want to be around him anymore. She's fed up with his behavior toward her and the family in general. But she is deeply hurt that easy child has cut off everything with her. She's accepted it, but well......dang it to heck it hurts. easy child did not defend her family, and does not when sister in law says the stuff he says,. She didn't step in when sister in law went way over the line in the argument......and it hurt Nichole terribly. While she knows easy child can't change sister in law's would at least be nice to know she objects to it.

    So Nichole was not invited to the big 4th of july bash easy child throws. husband, travis and I were. I had husband take Travis and drop him off. Neither husband and I were thrilled with the idea of attending. For one I hate huge crowds of people. I don't like fireworks. And I knew both sister in law and easy child would be driving me nuts with how "right" they were and how 'wrong" Nichole is. And frankly, I'd have gone off on them, so was best I stayed home with husband.

    Nichole's boyfriend posted today he didn't have the best 4th on his fb page. sister in law (who just loves to rub raw wounds) just had to post that of course HE was invited, it was Nichole who wasn't. Grrrrrr. And that just started the whole dang thing up again. Because of course his comment hurt Nichole again.......which is what he fully intended to do.

    Again easy child calls me tonight to anounce she's done with her sister and the mistreatment by her sister. ugh Ok....yes, Nichole when mad can say hurtful things she doesn't mean. Anyone who knows her knows this and KNOWS it's a defence mechanism and she doesn't MEAN it. And easy child also knows Nichole has been working hard for a very long time to stop this behavior. She is much improved over the way it used to doesn't get well over night. ugh! easy child got a bit miffed at me because I told her she needed to stop taking everything that comes out of Nichole's mouth to heart. And that her hormones right now were murking up the waters. (8 mos preggers)

    Nichole on the other not dwelling on the issue. She has not, other than initially, come to me to discuss the topic. She has attempted to keep easy child out of the middle of it all. easy child just seems determined to step right back into it.

    Amazes me when it wasn't so long ago easy child was constantly telling me she couldn't take the mean hurtful comments sister in law always made under the pretense of joking and his awful behavior at times that if it is directed at Nichole or the family it is ok.......

    I don't know where the war is headed. sister in law seems to be watching for opportunity to fan the flames. And while I love the guy, I'm also very disappointed and angry at his behavior. I will not put myself into his presence again until I get an apology for the way he spoke to me the night he called. It isn't just Nichole who has alot of growing up to do and maturity to reach. At 25, soon to be the father of 3 boys it's time he stop acting like an ill mannered 12 yr old.

    Thanks for letting me vent. I chose to ignore it while on vacation from school because I was determined that it was one break where I was actually going to de-stress for once. ugh

    Not sure where I was going with it. Just very frustrated at both easy child and sister in law. Nichole is far from perfect.........but this time she was in the right and still got treated like crud from her sister.:(
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    sister in law is abusive and easy child has become more enabling. Being pregnant doesn't help because she needs to stand by the father of her children and the family provider. He's clearly made her take sides (whether consciously or unconsciously) and I suspect HE is the one dragging her into it.

    He's behaving like a baby and is choosing to behave this way and drag easy child into it despite it being very bad for her.

    Good for you to slap him down.

  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh - such drama! Why can't easy child & sister in law be grateful that difficult child was taking care of their babies??!!
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    sister in law is dead wrong. If I was Nichole, I'd be ticked to no end that my sister thought that was acceptable.

    by the way, it's only "joking" if someone is laughing.
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Lisa, give Nichole a big hug for me. I think she's handling this in a mature and thoughtful manner. And I'm glad to hear that you've been staying well out of it as much as possible, and that you didn't let it ruin your school break.
    I agree with Marg that sister in law is being a bully, and easy child is enabling him. As for the "joking", it's bad enough to say such hurtful things without being man enough to stand by his words instead of hiding behind "jokes".
  6. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    When the difficult children would use the "Just Joking" phrase.... I would tell them that a joke is "knock, knock, Who's there?" and makes a person feel good... anything else is just plain mean and wrong!
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Thanks guys..........I really don't know how you got thru all that lol

    Both my girls are great each in their own ways. And I love them for the people they are. They are both hurting badly right now. easy child stated on her fb page she's never felt so totally alone in her life. :( Breaks my heart. But I can't bring myself to tell her she is right when defending sister in law was not right in my opinion. I know she doesn't blow off what sister in law says and does.........and does make attempts to get him to stop. But no one can make another person change what they don't want to change. And in all honesty, he's gotten much worse in the past couple of years..........or perhaps we've just grown so sick of it our tolerance is now at zero. I dunno. I know he has lots of good's just that his mouth and certain behaviors are so over the top.........yeah. And his comments do hurt and such.

    I can understand not going against the man you love.........yep I get that, I do. But there is a line, a line that another person doesn't cross when it comes to your family, even if that person is your husband. My own husband stepped on that line once or twice and found out very quickly if he wished to be married it better not happen again, period. When it comes down to the line of disrespecting people you love.......I'm sorry but it doesn't matter if you're married to the person. Not in my opinion anyway. Because if they feel that way.....then how do they really feel about you?? Ya know? I know she feels she has to live with him and all but..........I don't know.......if husband had done something like that with one of my sisters......all hades would've broken loose and husband would've been the one catching it, not my sister. Would not matter the cause, it would be because he totally disrespected her as a person and as my sister.

    And as long as easy child is determined to defend him she won't see it that way, won't understand Nichole's side. Nichole doesn't want to budge because she doesn't want subjected to any more of sister in law's abusive behavior toward her.

    And I hurt for both of them. Thanks to sister in law behaving like such a major jerk (being kind here) both my girls are hurting and feeling abandoned by each other. And that makes me livid!!!

    So I'm trying to keep out of it and hope each of them sees the other's side of things and can talk it out eventually. Maybe it will be a growing/learning experience for each of them. I just hope they get this mended soon cuz it's killing me. :(
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry this all came up. It brings back all kinds of memories for me. I babysat gfgbro's daughter for the first few months. Not only did I have to deal with all his idiotic parenting notions - NONE of which came out of ANY parenting book or magazine - I also had to handle his schedule. He would drop her off a couple of hours early. Or late. He was NEVER even within 30 inutes of the time he said he would pick her up. I also had to beg for payment.

    Nichole is totally right. Well, no one is totally right, but she is acting very appropriately. Kudos to her for standing up for herself and for behaving like a mature adult.

    easy child is probably feeling lost right now. Hopefully she will soon figure out what is really going on. I am SURE that sister in law's version puts him in a good light and paints Nichole out to be a psycho. Your reaction is likely confusing the Hades out of easy child because it does not seem logical when compared with what sister in law has told her is going on. It would be interesting to hear what sister in law has told her. It might make her reactions understandable.

    sister in law is totally out of line. Jokes are only jokes if EVERYONE is laughing. If someone isn't laughing it is NOT a joke. Period. I hope that easy child can get him to adjust his attitude. This is all probably extra hard for easy child because she has not ever really faced hardship, much less hardship that separates her from you all.

    I am sorry that things will be rough for a while. Stay out of it as much as you can. If one starts badmouthing the other either tell them to stop or walk away. You might suggest they find a neutral third party to mediate if they want to talk it out. Don't take that role on as whatever you say will be "support" for one side or the other to say you play favorites.

  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well I tried to stay out of it................But because easy child doesn't even follow the advice she give her sibs about coming onto this site and reading posts I've made to vent..........she managed to pull me right into it.

    I know some of it is pregnancy hormones skewing things and making her feel more strongly about things than she normally would. But I didn't appreciate waking up to an fb message that basically answered my post here. I've told them a million times this is my venting place, where I pour out the emotions so I can think things thru.

    So now I'm the bad guy.

    Everyone is the bad guy except the person who started the whole friggin mess.:mad: Man oh man does that p*ss me off. easy child hears/sees only what she wants to hear/see. ARGH!

    sister in law started this whole disaster with his mouth. Yet Nichole is being punished because now her sister doesn't want anything to do with her because it's gotten twisted into being her fault. Now I'm being punished for attempting to stay out of it and vent my feelings/frustrations out away from the situation. Now evidently easy child is hurt yet again by the truths I said here.......and doesn't want anymore to do with me either. Why? I guess because for once I didn't take her side. She is making this all about her, when in fact it is all about sister in law's behavior. Not all his behavior, but this is a very big issue we've all worked hard at to overlook because 1. he's otherwise a great guy and 2. because easy child loves him.

    I'm frustrated because easy child is unforgiving and unyielding when it comes to Nichole saying things in anger she doesn't mean........... Yet her husband says many of the same types of things constantly under the pretense of joking so you're the bad guy if you are offended or get ticked off at him. And yet she can't understand why that has gotten old and we're getting fed up with tolerating it. Is that so hard to understand??? I grow so tired of listening to easy child tell me that Nichole needs to grow up and stop acting like a child when I can sit in a restaurant with her husband and have him blowing friggin spit balls at me or other people at the table. Or better yet have him doing spit balls or trying to start food fights and if 4 yr old Aubrey who doesn't know any better starts doing it and gets into trouble........then makes fun of how bad parents Nichole and boyfriend are. Darrin has had to learn NOT to mimic Daddy's behavior. ugh But Nichole is the one who needs to grow up and stop acting like a child??? And sister in law has the nerve to say that to her.......gimme a friggin break!!

    easy child said in her message she gave sister in law heck over what he did. Good. I'm glad she didn't just decide it was all Nichole's fault afterall. But gee, you might not want to defend him to family who are still ticked off about the matter, cuz it's rather likely they're going to assume you don't see anything wrong with what he did. And if that is the case.............why in hades are Nichole and I being punished for something sister in law did then?? Sorry, doesn't make sense to me. sister in law went off on Nichole, sister in law went over the line when Nichole fought back (which he knew she'd do), sister in law re-opened the wound by telling boyfriend oh, he would've been welcome at the 4th celebration-- just Nichole wasn't.....thus hurting her again. And both easy child and sister in law were up in arms because it made her furious again and yes she gave him a piece of her mind over it. Well, duh! I would've done the same thing. easy child would've done the same thing if the shoe was on the other foot.

    I am not saying Nichole is totally right in this. I'm not that stupid. I know if you get her mad enough her mouth can take on a life of it's own. But in my opinion she reacted within reason to the situation. easy child gets really mad cuz Nichole blurts out things in anger and then just expects everyone to be over it when she's not angry anymore. Well sister in law has the same issue, only it's whether he was angry or not. If he's angry it's the other person's fault because they "provolked it", if he's not angry he's just joking and you need to get over it.

    It frustrates me because easy child can forgive sister in law because she loves him and can see the good person behind the awful behavior. Yet, she refuses to see that a good person also is behind the sometimes difficult child behavior of her sister. She refuses to give her sister the same understanding, benefit of the doubt she gives her husband. ugh Yep frustrating.

    And I'm also the bad guy because god forbid I wanted just one break without a major family disaster making me miserable. Well omg I guess that makes me a horrid person. Gee I have no stress whatsoever in my life, I'm sorry. Only easy child is over stressed and under appreciated. ugh Makes me want to bang my head against a wall. I can't win if I try.

    This is an argument over the friggin lawn being mowed for pete's sake. How utterly stupid can you get? Forgive me for attempting to prevent it from escalating into the utter disaster it has become. All because of sister in law's mouth. And because easy child is determined to make it all about her........which it honestly other than defending his behavior to has nothing to do with her personally. Eight years I've kept my mouth shut over sister in law's constant remarks and rudeness because I know there is a good person behind it. I chalked it up to immaturity and figured he'd outgrow it. But after 8 yrs it hasn't improved a yeah, somehow it's our fault we've grown weary of being insulted and laughed at and made to feel like we're mooching off the guy or scum of the earth because we ask him for a favor. It's not easy child who does these is sister in law.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What about had sister in law made sure there was gas and did not pull his truck up right to the garage - all this would not have happened. He is expecting WAY to much from a young lady. Perhaps if getting the thing out had not already been a frustration, Nichole would have happily gone to get the gas. Sometimes too much is too much.

    I think easy child is mad because she knows she is wrong to push her sister away for this stupid incident. So what if her husband had to mow the lawn - big freaking deal!!!!! Their children were taken care of - isn't that more important than the lawn???!!!!
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Wow...I don't even know what to say. Do you think sister in law will ever accept that his actions/behaviors are causing this? It seems to me that he's fueling the problem; the dealings between the girls are just reactions to his behaviors.
  12. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I'm wondering why sister in law didn't say "Sorry, didn't realize there was no gas. If I get gas for the mower, would you still be willing to mow the lawn for me?" Would of been a simple and mature thing to do and none of this would of happened. Makes me wonder if this wasn't some passive-aggressive behavior on sister in law's part.

    Sorry that your whole family has to go through all this pain. Life is too short for this junk. {{{{hugs to all of you}}}}
  13. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I don't want to offend, but sister in law is a grade AAA jerk and world class bully!

    Honestly, who cares about the "good" person "behind" the behavior? Good is as good does. How is he towards easy child?? Perhaps her love, or perhaps being the victim of it herself of his outrageous behavior, simply blinds her to how awful he is towards your family. Since you all don't "love" him like she does, she simply doesn't "get" just how hurtful this is. To me the whole difficult child vs. easy child is irrelevant and is only being used to obfuscate the fact that sister in law is OUT OF LINE. Nicole has decided to draw a line in the sand. Unfortunately, you are experiencing the fall out.

    And then to play it out on FB?! I assume that there is a audience to this? Honestly, sister in law needs a good smack-down. If were Nicole, it would take one heck of an apology (along with ceasing the bullying behavior) to get me to be around him again.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2010
  14. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    YA THINK??/!!! [sorry, that was a bit passive-aggressive]