GoingNorth
Crazy Cat Lady
To make a long story short. My sister, also BiPolar (BP), is finally leaving her husband of thirty years. It should have happened years ago.
Mean while, she's found an old flame from High School on facebook and has been seeing him.
Personally, she'd do better to hold off until the divorce is final, but that's my opinion and not one that counts.
The problem is that I was treated to an hour of gushing about how wonderful this guy is. That was fine, what wasn't fine is that I got a litany of things that were wrong with H. some of them sexual.
Then, when she realized I was playing verbal bobblehead, launched into a VERY graphic retelling of her and "flame's" "make out sessions".
Definite overshare and too much information. I realize that sex is normal and healthy and all of that, but it's also something that should be private, Know what I mean??
I told her that the convo was making me very uncomfortable and she apologized, "but" and went right back to her wonderful new relationship.
Then? She wanted advise on the divorce and dealing with old flame. Now, sister has a helluva lot more experience in the dating world than I do, and yes, I had a good marriage, but given that, why would I know anything about divorce and how to go about it.
I am certainly NOT qualified to advise on "how to make old flame "happy"".
Beyond the fact that she had an affair years ago, when she should've split up with H at that time, now, she is doing it again.
I know what it's like to be lonely. I know that it takes a LOT of work to make a relationship and to keep it going.
She also informed me that she's been sharing all of this with her adult children and I have a real problem with that. She's badmouthed H to them for years and the kids are totally in favour of the divorce.
Here's the kicker. My brother in law is considerably older and is ill. To assuage guilt, sister plans on continuing to help him out while going ahead with the new relationship.
I have no idea WHAT to think of that. I guess I am glad she "feels like a woman again", just wish she'd handled it differently.
I hate to think I'm going to have to start terminating phone calls over this. As it sits right now, she seems to ignore me in favour of whatever she is telling me. She also talks about this to mum, which has to be excruciating for her.
AFAIC, I am proof that one can be happy in a sexless marriage. My husband was incapable for the last few years of our marriage due to illness. I suspect brother in law's issues in that realm are also due to illness.
What bothers me is how enmeshed she is with her kids. I'm all in favour of "openness", but there are some things, in my opinion, that are private.
I've always gotten along as well with her H as can be expected given our totally different ways of looking at the world. Boundaries worked with him. There are certain things we just don't discuss.
Another concern is that sister seems to be cycling again and sounds manic. She gets hypersexual when manic.
Can anyone point me in the direction of a good book/video on boundaries with adult siblings? I don't want to cut her off, but I don't want to be dragged into these conversations, either
Mean while, she's found an old flame from High School on facebook and has been seeing him.
Personally, she'd do better to hold off until the divorce is final, but that's my opinion and not one that counts.
The problem is that I was treated to an hour of gushing about how wonderful this guy is. That was fine, what wasn't fine is that I got a litany of things that were wrong with H. some of them sexual.
Then, when she realized I was playing verbal bobblehead, launched into a VERY graphic retelling of her and "flame's" "make out sessions".
Definite overshare and too much information. I realize that sex is normal and healthy and all of that, but it's also something that should be private, Know what I mean??
I told her that the convo was making me very uncomfortable and she apologized, "but" and went right back to her wonderful new relationship.
Then? She wanted advise on the divorce and dealing with old flame. Now, sister has a helluva lot more experience in the dating world than I do, and yes, I had a good marriage, but given that, why would I know anything about divorce and how to go about it.
I am certainly NOT qualified to advise on "how to make old flame "happy"".
Beyond the fact that she had an affair years ago, when she should've split up with H at that time, now, she is doing it again.
I know what it's like to be lonely. I know that it takes a LOT of work to make a relationship and to keep it going.
She also informed me that she's been sharing all of this with her adult children and I have a real problem with that. She's badmouthed H to them for years and the kids are totally in favour of the divorce.
Here's the kicker. My brother in law is considerably older and is ill. To assuage guilt, sister plans on continuing to help him out while going ahead with the new relationship.
I have no idea WHAT to think of that. I guess I am glad she "feels like a woman again", just wish she'd handled it differently.
I hate to think I'm going to have to start terminating phone calls over this. As it sits right now, she seems to ignore me in favour of whatever she is telling me. She also talks about this to mum, which has to be excruciating for her.
AFAIC, I am proof that one can be happy in a sexless marriage. My husband was incapable for the last few years of our marriage due to illness. I suspect brother in law's issues in that realm are also due to illness.
What bothers me is how enmeshed she is with her kids. I'm all in favour of "openness", but there are some things, in my opinion, that are private.
I've always gotten along as well with her H as can be expected given our totally different ways of looking at the world. Boundaries worked with him. There are certain things we just don't discuss.
Another concern is that sister seems to be cycling again and sounds manic. She gets hypersexual when manic.
Can anyone point me in the direction of a good book/video on boundaries with adult siblings? I don't want to cut her off, but I don't want to be dragged into these conversations, either