Boy does he move quick

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KFld, Oct 18, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    ex called bff Jill today to tell her that he's dating this girl that lives down the street from her now and that he plans on telling me but hasn't had the chance yet, but if I find out before hand it's o.k. for her to tell me that yes he is dating her and he planned on telling me when he gets back from VT next week, but just didn't have the chance before hand. She told him she is not going to tell me because she knows he's just trying to ger her to do the dirty work for him, but she did tell him, since she had this girl at the house last night for dinner, that he better tell easy child daughter before she walks in the door to visit and sees him making out on the couch with another women. She will flip!!!! :grrr:

    He told bff Jill that he never realized how high maintenance I am until he started dating Judy, who is so down to earth :rofl:

    I think that is the funniest thing I have heard out of his mouth through this entire thing.
  2. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    He certainly does make for good entertainment, here. I'm laughing!
  3. KFld

    KFld New Member

    All of my friends and family keep telling me I'm lucky I have such a great sense of humor because I to am finding this entire thing so bizarre and it's becoming more and more entertaining by the day.
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Well Karen, it's great that you can keep your humor about this and laugh at soon to be ex's stupidity and insensitivity!

    But, please remember to do something nice for yourself each day, ok?

  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad to see you calling him "ex" now. :smile:
    YOU're high maintenance? HE's high-maintenance!


  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. HE is the one that is high maintenance. LOL!

    I, too, am very happy you have a good sense of humor. For now it is pretty entertaining. But, if ever you get the blues about this - you better feel free to come here with that as well. Just because we help you bash him does not mean we can not cry with you, too if need be.
  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    :rolleyes: So sorry, Karen.

    I agree...HE's the high maintenance one. He's been dating this girl for what, like a week and he can tell so much about her already? Amazing.
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Karen, I'm somewhat worried about you. You have gotten hit with some tremendous blows the last few months. You lost your Mom and now your marriage. Not to mention that you moved and your STB ex is dating.

    I am worried that you have buried your feelings about all of these losses so deeply that you will really crumble one of these days.

    How could you not?

    Your ex is a horse's patoot but he was still your husband for almost 3 decades and you are giving up a way of life for that long, too. That's a heckuva blow even if your anger has replaced any feelings of sorrow.

    Anyway, I guess I want to second what busywend is saying:

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">But, if ever you get the blues about this - you better feel free to come here with that as well. Just because we help you bash him does not mean we can not cry with you, too if need be. </div></div>

    And I want you to take a deep breath and feel the feelings. If you don't reflect and grieve I fear that you will get smacked upside the head with overwhelming rage and grief when you least expect it. And if anyone deserves to get smacked upside the head it's your ex, not you.

  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Heather, he has only been dating her for 3 days and he knows this much about her already!!!

    Suz, My counselor is awesome. She doesn't allow me to bury my feelings. I saw her today and I am dealing with everything. Thanks for worrying though. It's so nice to know I have so many people here who care about me so much.
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Yup. I'm with Suz.

    I think that BFF Jill needs to tell husband to stop calling her. The line of communication needs to be broken. Somehow, what he does has to stop getting back to you. Number one, it does nothing to help you grieve. Secondly, it is frankly none of your business, and shame on him for trying to make it so.

    You absolutely cannot grieve the loss of something that is there in your face. You are doing what comes natural, and that is showing him up to be a schmuck. Believe me, he does not need your help. When DEX and I first split, I ran around telling people what a rat he was, what a jerk he was, how he lied, how he cheated, how he does not seem to even miss me, how he ran right into another woman's arms, how could he, blah blah blah. It did several things.

    ~it made me look like a fool.
    ~it had people question my dedication to him for so long.
    ~it slowed down my grieving process.

    When I shut up, he made a fool out of himself, all by himself. I grieved. I went through all the phases. I cried on shoulders of people who cared and understood. I got better. He remained stagnant.

    When he came to pick up Tink from the new place on Friday, his eyes about popped out of the sockets. He is living with his g/f off of HER subsidized housing because he refuses to work. He does not want child support for his 4 kids (Tink included) taken out of his pay. He will never live in a nice place like this.

    But I digress. Like Suz, I worry that you are more interested in what his coming and goings are, and like I said, it is normal to do that when you have been wronged. Try real hard not to check up on him (or listen to any updates from BFF Jill).

    It is time for you, easy child, and your new, pretty place.

  11. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> When he came to pick up Tink from the new place on Friday, he about dropped a load in his tighty whiteys.</div></div> :rofl: My Goodness, you have a spirited tongue!
  12. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'><span style='font-size: 14pt'>Yea BBK!</span> </span>
    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">When I shut up, he made a fool out of himself, all by himself. I grieved. I went through all the phases. I cried on shoulders of people who cared and understood. I got better. He remained stagnant.

    <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'><span style='font-size: 14pt'>We're Twins! </span> </span>Same exact thing happened in my case, too. And if I do say, we're still getting better! And they're still staying stagnant!!

    So Karen, hang with us! We're the winners, you know we are. :bravo:
    I am glad you are continuing your counseling. I think you will know when you need to break the communication lines with DEX. I think it's okay to revel in his stupidity for now, as long as you keep venting, and feeling.

    Like that TBS commercial says, "It's a little funny, you can laugh if you like.......(pause)....Not that much."

  13. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Cost of New townhouse - $1200/ mo.
    Cost of New pictures - $250
    Cost of New kitchen stuff - $875

    Price of watching husband make an a** of himself? Priceless!

    For everything else, there's M*sterCard!

    What a dope! :smile:

    Glad to know that <u>you</u> know we're here!

  14. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Karen, he is a total tool! What and idiot, what kind of self respecting man would phone his wife's bff and fill her in on his daily activities with other women.

    BBK said it best, cut the line of communication, let it go!!! do not listen to his drama, you can not move on while his soap opera is playing in the back ground.

    Tell bff to tell him the next time she talks to him that you said have a nice life and that you are happy for him then change your phone number.

    Next thing you know he will be dating Wingnut!! they are made for each other

  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    OMG Grace...I about snorted my diet coke out my nose! Wingnut and soontobe ex...lmao...oh the irony of it!

    That would be just to to rich. Somehow I wouldnt put it past either of them though.
  16. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: nvts</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Cost of New townhouse - $1200/ mo.
    Cost of New pictures - $250
    Cost of New kitchen stuff - $875

    Price of watching husband make an a** of himself? Priceless!

    For everything else, there's M*sterCard!

    What a dope! :smile:

    Glad to know that <u>you</u> know we're here!


    Hey, how did you know how much my rent is?? Just kidding :rofl:

    Very well put Beth.
  17. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Oh my god!!! Dating wingnut. That would be hysterical!!!
  18. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    Man, I love this Board.

    I have nothing wise or funny to say this morning, Karen. Just wanted you to know I am reading along.

    (That tighty whitey comment was incredible, BBK!)


  19. KFld

    KFld New Member

    You know what really really burns me up about this entire thing, is how he's treating easy child daughter. He's not even worried that she might just show up at the house while he has his flavor of the month there. That is what I'm going to start calling her because gee, 8 weeks ago it was some drunk he met in a bar, and now it's a new one. This one was in a really abusive relationship with someone who terrorized her, so he will look like an absolute prince charming to her.

    Anyway, the other day when he was leaving the apartment he says to easy child's boyfriend, you're going to be the man around the house now, so you need to check Calin's oil once a week because I don't want to hear that her car blew up!!!!! I just walked away because I know it's none of my business how their relationship is handled and I can't and won't try to make easy child feel one way or the other towards her father, but I thought, oh my god, what about saying something like, even though you don't live home anymore, I'm still your father, I'll always take care of you and maybe you should stop by once a week so I can make sure your car is running good. She's got a much longer drive to work and school now and he could care less. Guess she's no longer his problem because we aren't living there anymore.

    He is so entirely selfish. All he wants out of life is a women who's going to cater to him and give him her undivided attention. Gee, I hope this women doesn't have any other responsibilities in her life.

    He's such an idiot.
  20. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    He says YOU'RE high maintenance - what is with this bloke? AGAIN he's projecting. ALWAYS he's projecting. And self-justifying.

    I was watching Dr Phil the other day. This is the Aussie program, the one we get eventually after the networks have finished fighting over it, so it probably bears little resemblance to any time frame you may have seen it in. And on this episode, Dr Phil was talking to a couple who were trying to sort things out. The husband had been caught in a relationship with the nanny. The nanny claimed he had drugged hr and seduced her. The husband said, not so; she had thrown herself at him (which later he explained as, he was walking past her room as she was getting undressed). Then other people had come forward and told the wife of incidents they had had, of a similar nature. The wife had begun divorce proceedings and then inexplicably, begun to see him again and even let him 'sleep over'.

    The fascinating thing in all of this was watching this man and how he responded to criticisms - instead of saying, "I'm sorry I fouled up, I did the wrong thing, I really regret what I did," he responded by attacking and trying to deflect blame. "Well, she had affairs too, she's not easy to live with, a man has to do something, what's a man to do when a woman throws herself at him, I've been a good provider and she's never been satisfied but is always whining" and all in response to Dr Phil saying, "But YOU are the one who seduced the nanny."
    "Well, ****, it was only one little mistake, one tiny lapse in judgement, how long am I going to have to put up with all this ***?"
    Never a hint of acceptance of responsibility.

    And what really was obvious - never a hint of acknowledgement of guilt. No conscience. All pure ego. More upset that he was caught, and is about to lose his meal ticket (because for all his claims of supporting his family, HE is the one who is the gigolo).

    Do you see the parallel here?

    In this Dr Phil episode, the husband finally said, "Well, SHE is the one who called me, I didn't go crawling back, I didn't contact her first - she rang ME."
    The wife turned to him and said, "I called you, but only after you had begged your father to ask me to ring you."

    His use of the truth was manipulative and everything designed to get what HE wanted. The world revolved around him and HIS 'needs'.

    Again, do you see the parallel?

    This is so very much like that sociopathic former co-worker of mine. We worked closely and he despised me - I think because I was one female who had his measure and couldn't be fooled by him. I had a ringside seat to his marriage and how h manipulated people. I also had a ringside seat to his affairs. He also tried to drug me - spiked my drinks at office parties - but luckily I could hold my drink and also knew how to avoid a lot of nasty tricks. But the lack of conscience, the lack of any empathy and the total, utter self-centredness was breathtaking.

    Watching Dr Phil's episode was like watching my co-worker hard at trying to wriggle out of his latest catastrophe. He'd lie and cheat, he'd attack viciously in any attempt to deflect blame away from himself. He would happily sabotage anyone else - nothing personal - just to get further up the ladder so he wouldn't have to work so hard.

    Does this sound familiar?

    Dr Phil's conclusion was apt - "Until he gets help to deal with the damage that has done this to him, that has made him someone who will do anything purely to get what he wants and put his own interests first, DO NOT get involved again."

    He knew darn well when he told Jill, that you would hear it. He's known all along. He's manipulating Jill. He's using Jill to manipulate you. He is justifying this affair by telling himself, "She knows. She hasn't rung me to ask me back. She hasn't rung me in a rage. Therefore she clearly is OK with me having this affair."

    Make it clear to Jill to NEVER let on that she tells you anything. Also make it as clear as possible to Jill that you aren't interested. If she talks and your ears are flapping, don't let her see it. Be as disinterested as you can be. Don't ask about him. Blokes like this (ie apparently sociopathic) are incredibly manipulative. Some are better at it, but all of them try it on. I do think his aim is to get back together with you, exactly as things were. Everything he is doing now, is to make you want him back to try to stop this behaviour of his and not miss out on his wonderful company. Remember, this is in HIS mind. He can't see you as someone with anything to offer, unless it is as being part of him. Without him, you are nothing, in his mind. He believes you are probably crying in y our soup every night. But all his current tactics are just not working on you as he hoped - therefore, you are high maintenance. Trying to get through to you by making you jealous, making you concerned for him, making you feel worthless and lonely, making you feel abandoned and about to miss the boat (ie him) is simply not working as he hoped - you are much harder work to win back than he expected. YOU ARE HIGH MAINTENANCE.

    And the reason you are high maintenance - you have found self-respect, you have found your freedom, you have found honesty at last. And he hasn't got a clue. because that part of his mind is totally missing, has been for years. He will never find it again without A LOT of help. Until then, he will carry on as he always has. And in his eyes, what is wrong with that?

    Don't worry about easy child - she will work it out for herself, if she hasn't already.