BT Couldn't Leave Well Enough Alone....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Dec 23, 2011.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Oh this is just rich....

    When BT called the other night, she kept going on and on about the email message she had received informing her that she was "fired". She wanted me to read it. I told her I didn't WANT to read it. The decision had been made by supervisor and supervisor's team - it was not up to me...and contract negotiations between BT's agency and supervisor are between the two of THEM - not me.

    And based on the way BT was carrying on....I assumed that the email had been worded very harshly and that the blame for the "firing" had been placed squarely on the parents...and I had been upset that I was implicated in any way.

    I checked my email yesterday morning and was RELIEVED that BT hadn't messaged me...(although her FB posts indicated that the devil was making trouble for her)....

    Turns out, BT messaged husband instead.

    She forwarded him a copy of a confidential email from supervisor to the head of BT's agency informing him that supervisor would be terminating the service contract for difficult child due to the following concerns. Supervisor was very clear that BT had gone outside the scope of the contract on these issues.

    All in all, it was a very clear, professional communication from the supervisor. Parents were NOT blamed. And each and every concern listed were things that BT was already well aware of...

    So husband responded to BT that he felt uncomfortable receiving this private communication that was obviously NOT meant for him....but that he agrees with the decision of the supervisor. He wrote that he was sorry BT was taking this so personally...and in light of the fact that the situation has become overly emotional...BT is NOT to contact any member of our family again.

    The husband forwarded a copy of BT's email plus his response to supervisor with a note informing her that BT was contacting us in regards to this issue and making us very uncomfortable. husband told supervisor that we do not want BT finishing out her contract. The end.

    But no...

    BT sent three emails so far this morning...telling us we are liars and that we have ruined her Christmas.

    She also gave us a copy of a letter she sent to supervisor, in which she accuses us of being neglectful and emotionally-abusive parents.

    So...we'll see how much farther she takes this...

    I will not be suprised if we hear from CPS.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'd be thinking hard about calling whatever agency she works for, the super who fired her, AND police for harassment. Obviously she has a screw loose and this is just proving why she shouldn't be "counseling" any family, much less a difficult child. Read my last thread about required quals for some of these people. You won't be surprised that this is what we parents get for seervices.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thanks, K--

    I DID see your thread....and frankly, before you posted about it, I had never given it much thought. I had assumed that anyone interviewed to work with my child would be "qualified".

    How disheartening that that is not true...
  4. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    What an odd tale! At least it vindicates you in your sense that the BT was not quite... all that was needed to help. The poor lady sounds very unhappy and deluded (a more roundabout way of saying that she has a screw loose, I suppose :)). More importantly, where does this leave you now in terms of therapeutic help?
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    AFTER your husband told her not to contact, she is continuing?

    HARASSMENT. Plain and simple. Call the cops. She knows where you live and she is CLEARLY unhinged.

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    The supervisor needs to be notified as does the head of the agency she worked for. there is NO excuse for the way she is acting and it reflects VERY badly on the agency.

    Print out the emails, esp the one she forwarded (if it has info of things she did with other clients this is esp important as it is a TOTAL breach of confidence and professional ethics) and then make sure that the agency head gets a copy and knows all the unprofessional things she did and said.

    be SURE to print out your posts here about what she told difficult child and a summary of the call where she whined over "why" you "got her in trouble".

    If she makes ANY further attempt to contact you, go for a restraining order. Heck, take what she has sent and go try for one NOW. in my opinion there is NOTHING cps will do but a police report of the BT harrassing you would go a LONG way to dismissing any complaint of hers.

    I feel super sorry for any other clients that have parents who don't realize how childish and ignorant this chick is and took her therapy as actual therapy and acted on her advice or believed similar promises to the ones she made to difficult child re: college $$
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh, if she calls cps, I'd then go for the false complaint, slander, defamation of character and whatever else you can. She's been fired so no longer has the protections of working for a state agency, or whatever it was.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Well big deal if she calls CPS, the dates on the complaints, firing and emails make it very very clear what this is all about. You guys are the ones who already have multiple services in your lives already anyway, and that is what CPS would set up if there really were anything going on anyway..... she is gonna get herself into so much trouble that she wont pass any background checks. I hope she stops, she probably is just overly emotional and too immature to make good judgements right now. It is all proof that your gut was right from day one about this person. You did the right thing. This is likely to affect other people she would have goofed up too.
  9. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    My gosh-how will you ever trust that anyone they send is any good let alone sane? So sorry because precious time to help your girl is being lost. Can you ask for only licensed help?
  10. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    DF - so sorry to hear this!!!

    Couple things -

    You are keeping copies of all of this, correct? Document, document, document.

    If this is a "licensed" person, I'd file a formal complaint with- the state licensing agency immediately.

    Not sure if it's true in all states, but in IL it is a felony to knowingly file a false complaint with- DCFS (a fun fact I discovered while playing games with- former sped dir from Hades). I think that you have adequate proof of a false complaint if she does file since she is crying abuse/neglect *after* she got her insane posterior fired and was dumb enough to cc: you.

    For your own peace of mind, I wouldn't read anymore of her emails - file them in a folder to save them, after you forward them to her supervisor.

    You'd think as a parent of a difficult child, you'd get a special dispensation in the grand scheme of things to *not* have to deal with other difficult children posing as professionals. Sigh...

    Hang in there.
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    The reverse is that if it had been the right moves for difficult child would have been considered "going above and beyond." Such a fine line.

    Back on topic: Every move she makes reinforces exactly why she was fired in the first place and makes me wonder how she got hired. I hope informing the agency of her behavior would make it impossible for her to ever get a job requiring clearance or confidentiality.
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I think the fact that agency fired her when they found out what she was doing is a good sign that the agency deserves another chance to provide a BT.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Buddy, dont be so quick to believe that CPS wont make their lives hell even though it seems you would have proof its a lie. They are quick to believe the person who tells and take a long time to close the cases.

    I almost think I would contact CPS ahead of time to tell them you are afraid someone may make a complaint against your family, show them the emails, show them the file you have on difficult child and tell them you are attempting to get all the help you can for your daughter. That way they have a heads up if a complaint comes through on your name.
  14. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Keep copies of everything that she sends you and forward copies of all of it to the head of the agency that she worked for. There is no way that she should be continuing with this, especially since husband explicitly told her to stop contacting your family.

    Very difficult child behavior. She's not getting what she wants (her job back) so she's going to anyone that she can think of to make them just as miserable as she is.
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm on Janet's page on this... not that I'm expecting CPS to go the wrong way, but because... it always looks better if you speak up first. Then... when/if they DO get the call, your side of the story is already there, so you don't come across as "defensive" or "counter-attack".
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Janet is VERY right. My gfgbro, while abusive to us, is totally NOT to his daughter. her mother IS abusive and insane (nicest word I can think of) and has multiple sub abuse problems. K, niece's mom, filed a report that gfgbro had child porn on his WORK computer (he was a grad assist at the univ and had a univ computer) and he was relieved of duty for over a month and ti took almost SIX months to get the right to see his child with-o one one my parents in the same room every second of the time. not same house, not in eyesight, in the same ROOM. As gfgbro had joint custody and niece spends 1/2 of her time with him, my parents had her that amt of time. They also had her any and every time K was "tired" or "busy". Even though the school gave info on bro's side because K NEVER has her at school on time and picks her up 1-2 hours early EVERY day that she has her, and even though there was NO evidence or proof of abuse, and niece told the judge that mommy told her to say daddy hit her but daddy never has and mommy does hit her but mommy told her not to tell anyone ever. Niece said ALL of that at the FIRST court appearance and it took FIVE MORE MONTHS to get things dropped and gfgbro allowed to have his daughter at his house.

    So DO go to cps FIRST and tell them that you are afraid that idiotBT will report you because seh was fired for inappropriate behavior. It will make a BIG difference!
  17. jal

    jal Member

    How old is the BT? I'm curious. Obviously, by the suggestions she gave to your daughter and her reaction to her firing, she is not living in reality. The mere fact that she contacted you again after your husband explicitly told her not to is a testament to that. As others have recommended, keep copies of all correspondence. I don't believe CPS will be a real issue as you have taken all the steps to get your daughter help.

    This is absolutely unbelievable.

    A few yrs ago we contacted DCF Voluntary for help. We had nothing but a lovely, positive experience with this branch and the agency we were paired with had the most patient competent, allbeit younger women BT's working for them. We've been done with that for some time, but I still see the BT's in the community and we always stop to chat. I could tell you (even though difficult child is a lot younger than your daughter) that neither of them acted in a manner such as this.

    I think the BT may have a mental health issue herself. I'm so sorry that it has come to this for you.
  18. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thank you all for your support - it helps more than you know! (Well...maybe you DO know...LOL!)

    Just to update where we stand:

    husband sent an email to the Supervisor last night...along with a copy of the BT's email.

    BT sent three email messages to us this morning - she has not attempted to contact us since. No doubt she is confident that her letter to the Supervisor is going to make AAALLL the difference and will cast us as the bad guys and she, the BT, as the lone hero standing up for our poor abused daughter.

    Now, because of the holiday...I think the Supervisor's office was closed. Supervisor most likely will not hear of any of this until Tuesday...

    I think that we will have a quiet weekend, and then when Supervisor returns to the office to find this? I think the doo-doo is going to hit the fan.

    And if BT thought the devil was causing trouble for her before? Ugh! She may very well come back with something nasty at that point.

    If that happens, we are prepared to make a report of harassment to the police.

    I'm not too worried about defending ourselves because the BT's letter to the supervisor basically argues NOT that we were liars, but that her actions were justified due to our abuse. (among the "abusive" items listed? - the fact that we were not letting difficult child get a driver's license). BT also accuses the supervisor of failing to do her job properly. I think BT finally got enough rope to hang herself...her own words create more trouble for herself than husband or I ever could. And since I am certain she had to sign some kind of "non-disclosure" agreement...she may be in some trouble for circulating those confidential emails.

    Thanks for all the great advice!

    I will keep you posted...
  19. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    LOL! And I was abusive to my son because I took him to help me work one day (and paid him for it) and because I didn't cook his favorite meals for dinner oftern enough- and believe it or not- the GAL was insinuating I was an unfit parent for taking my elementary school-aged son out and teaching him to dance, until she learned it was with a county parks/rec program. HAHA! I told her to go ahead and call cps and see what they had to say about horrible parents like that. What idiots.

    I'm glad you're keeping copies of all that- keep them for a LONG time- you just never know....
  20. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I think you, like me, are a difficult child-magnet. Good grief!!! I'd give some thought to asking a lawyer friend to prepare a letter telling her to cease and desist. :winks: