Can I whine please???/

[mrscatinthehat]

easy child will be turning 16 on November 1. As such we will have a party for her on the friday. She informed me that her "father" was coming on the friday and staying til Sunday. (Hope he finds a lovely hotel with bedbugs).

Now this pompous son of a so and so will be here to make him self look good (ick) to easy child's friends. Who knows what his real reason is for coming 1000 miles for a birthday that we already had a party planned. She doesn't intend on changing her plans just including him. Blech.

She is not even over joyed about it. As she said herself he has only come to one other birthday and that is when I turned 10 so why is he bothering now? I had to walk away. I don't bad mouth the man in front of her (she is figuring him out on her own bless her smart little self).

The problem I have is we are having the party at the bowling alley where she wants it and that is where my husband and I work. So now I have to have this person come there and potentially do who knows what kind of mind around the people that are my friends.

I like him 1000 miles away. I really do. Why can't he stay there and wait til Christmas when he has her this year to celebrate with her. Ugh.

Sorry just had to whine, whine whine.

This and I have to think about it for almost a month now too. Where is my happy place when I need it?

Beth

 

[susiestar]

Whine away, it has to be hard for you. Who knows why he is coming?

A friend of mine lived with her dad. On her 16th her mom gave her a really fancy expensive car. Didn't make any more payments on it, or pay insurance or anything. Friend's dad and stepmom were stuck with payments they did NOT agree to, and insurance that was WAY crazy, because who give a kid a sportscar that will go up to 90 in under a minute??

I was an adult before I realized the whole, drop off hte car and then the payment book came in the mail was understood by my friend. She was crying and thanking her stepmom for never ever telling her that her mom was a horrid person. (Stepmom was a prof who taugh summers to pay for the card!).

Anyway, I hope he comes, is ignored, leaves a nice and acceptable present. Make sure he does not ask your daughter to sign anything. Or give any personal info. The financial aid office at our university says more and more they are seeing kids who try for student loans only to find out that one parent took their info and got all sorts of loans, destroying the child's credit and hope of getting student aid or loans.

Hugs,

Susie

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))


Exes make messes.

Can I side with him for just one little second though? He lives 1K miles away. That could be the reason why he does not come around often. 10 was a big year, 16 is a big year. Count on her graduation and maybe her 21st.

Why is he coming? I don't know the history. Maybe he just wants to see his daughter for her 16th birthday. Maybe he has not been able to see her as often as he liked and he feels very guilty.

I hope he comes, has a pleasant, non-confrontational visit with his daughter, and that she has an unforgettable party. I pray that between now and then, you are able to find peace. After all, worrying about it will not change the outcome. Nothing wrong with a little whine now & then, but don't waste your energy dwelling on it. She will pick up that energy.

 

[tiredmommy]

Beth,
I think this is one of those situations that it's best to take the high road. Whatever your issues with him, he did father this child and has chosen to travel a great distance to spend time with her at her birthday. Try to think positively that perhaps he's realized her childhood is all but gone and it's now or never to forge a relationship with his daughter. This doesn't forgive him for any wrongs he has committed in the past, but leaves the door open enough for him to prove his worthiness or unworthiness to easy child. I understand her being less than thrilled about his coming, but it will be a testament to her growing maturity to accept him graciously into the fold.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Well I will let it go but alas I don't trust the situation. I will just deal or not deal with it when he is here. I just found out tonight and was not overjoyed by it. Oh well.

Beth

 

[Star*]

I'll brb I have to find something that you really need to read. I think it's on my outlook at work so it may be Monday before I get it to you. Leme go look.


To all that are mother's, have mother's or wives or those who teach....a good piece of wisdom

I'm Invisible - but God sees me.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30 , please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going . she's going... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean.

My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.

I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees." In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book.

And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder.

As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself.

I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

thank you

beth