This is my stradigy for problem solving. If it keeps ME awake at night I call any 24 hour number and talk to whomever is there. That way I am gathering input from others who either have had a similar situation or who are acquaited with what is out there.
The child and family services here is a voluntary participation state run agency that is linked to the court ordered CPS. I would not hesitate to call and discuss what your families needs are and learn what they can offer you or what you need to do to get some of what you do need.
DEfinately update all the doctors and any school providers that are part of the mix for your difficult child. They may have some ideas or referrals. For example the familiarity with the specific people in that system may tip you as to who is best for the youth you are getting help for.
Although your difficult child may not be agreeing to interventive help YOU may ask for the interventive help for YOU. I lucked out when I called for crissis intervention for my son but he would not cooperate. The crissis worker who came to my home and did attempt to talk with my son offered me excellant ideas that were not unlike ideas I read about on this site, but with the life
experiaces coupled with the interactive contact with my difficult child I found myself
empowered to look at the behavior very personally.
The question became whose problem is it and what is my part?
I did contact the police and reported that my son was beyond parental control. That is a chargable offense which he could be arrested for and could be required to go befor a judge. Also he was not coming home.
When the police did talk to him the facts were very clearly described to him by the officer. ANd that included the fact that as long as he was living in my home that my rules,my curfew ect were "the law". My son was offered the alterantive of going into a shelter and I was given the number to call.
BReaking things and threatening and assaulting me were also discussed with my son as crimes.
GEtting the services, which I did apply for and we do have for intensive home therapy...which lasts about five months...
THe fact is it IS all on you as the parent to act. ANd for me I will not have my son leave my home feeling that it is in anyway the person who he disrespects, harms in anyway "fault" when HE is faced with a legal issue as a result of his behavior.
Plus I do not have to pay for frills. I have to provide food that is nurishing, but he does not have to like it. I have to prpovide clothing,but these things do not have to be what he likes either.
I told him that anything he wants to keep has to be put away neatly or I will dispose of it at my discreation. ANd I did toss some of the things he would leave out making it very clear I mean what I said.
ANd I grounded him. No phone. No tv. No internet. No vedio games. ANd I told him that if he was not happy and behaved to stay in his room. I asked him if he had anything to read in his room. Which he did.
After one day he was apologetic and demanding to know what he had to do to get back the priviledge he wanted the most. I did as the conselor recommended. I said "That is not my problem. I do not want to talk about that." HE then said he wanted to talk to our home conselor and I said "good she will be here in two days"
And I left him alone with his problems.
When he was emotionally distressed and asked I did let him call a crissis line. And talk to his father on the phone.
You can turn this around...best case senerio...or if he is not willing or able to deport himself sensibly then YOU can decide that his choice is intolerable and let the systems have there influence. Both alternatives are the difficult child
choice and YOU are the one who decides if you are going to "let him" learn to control others or to control himself.
If calling for help "backfires" and the folks who come into your home discover that you are inadiquate to parenting children and take them I think
that that may not be the worst case senerio. THe worst case senerio is
teaching a child/teen that abusive behavoir is tolerable. In the long run
it is your daughter in law, the girlfrends or boyfreinds and your potential grandchildren you are looking out for who are ahead of you in time and behind your course of choices whatever you fear now.
So educate yourself and get the help you need. All of it. DV,mental health, behavioral,ect...
Best of luck and you will make a good choice for you and your family.
The child and family services here is a voluntary participation state run agency that is linked to the court ordered CPS. I would not hesitate to call and discuss what your families needs are and learn what they can offer you or what you need to do to get some of what you do need.
DEfinately update all the doctors and any school providers that are part of the mix for your difficult child. They may have some ideas or referrals. For example the familiarity with the specific people in that system may tip you as to who is best for the youth you are getting help for.
Although your difficult child may not be agreeing to interventive help YOU may ask for the interventive help for YOU. I lucked out when I called for crissis intervention for my son but he would not cooperate. The crissis worker who came to my home and did attempt to talk with my son offered me excellant ideas that were not unlike ideas I read about on this site, but with the life
experiaces coupled with the interactive contact with my difficult child I found myself
empowered to look at the behavior very personally.
The question became whose problem is it and what is my part?
I did contact the police and reported that my son was beyond parental control. That is a chargable offense which he could be arrested for and could be required to go befor a judge. Also he was not coming home.
When the police did talk to him the facts were very clearly described to him by the officer. ANd that included the fact that as long as he was living in my home that my rules,my curfew ect were "the law". My son was offered the alterantive of going into a shelter and I was given the number to call.
BReaking things and threatening and assaulting me were also discussed with my son as crimes.
GEtting the services, which I did apply for and we do have for intensive home therapy...which lasts about five months...
THe fact is it IS all on you as the parent to act. ANd for me I will not have my son leave my home feeling that it is in anyway the person who he disrespects, harms in anyway "fault" when HE is faced with a legal issue as a result of his behavior.
Plus I do not have to pay for frills. I have to provide food that is nurishing, but he does not have to like it. I have to prpovide clothing,but these things do not have to be what he likes either.
I told him that anything he wants to keep has to be put away neatly or I will dispose of it at my discreation. ANd I did toss some of the things he would leave out making it very clear I mean what I said.
ANd I grounded him. No phone. No tv. No internet. No vedio games. ANd I told him that if he was not happy and behaved to stay in his room. I asked him if he had anything to read in his room. Which he did.
After one day he was apologetic and demanding to know what he had to do to get back the priviledge he wanted the most. I did as the conselor recommended. I said "That is not my problem. I do not want to talk about that." HE then said he wanted to talk to our home conselor and I said "good she will be here in two days"
And I left him alone with his problems.
When he was emotionally distressed and asked I did let him call a crissis line. And talk to his father on the phone.
You can turn this around...best case senerio...or if he is not willing or able to deport himself sensibly then YOU can decide that his choice is intolerable and let the systems have there influence. Both alternatives are the difficult child
choice and YOU are the one who decides if you are going to "let him" learn to control others or to control himself.
If calling for help "backfires" and the folks who come into your home discover that you are inadiquate to parenting children and take them I think
that that may not be the worst case senerio. THe worst case senerio is
teaching a child/teen that abusive behavoir is tolerable. In the long run
it is your daughter in law, the girlfrends or boyfreinds and your potential grandchildren you are looking out for who are ahead of you in time and behind your course of choices whatever you fear now.
So educate yourself and get the help you need. All of it. DV,mental health, behavioral,ect...
Best of luck and you will make a good choice for you and your family.
