CRUD - the "agency" is at it again

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Nov 26, 2008.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Dude called me yesterday angry and lashing out -

    The caseworker had a chat with the foster dad and never bothered to call me. I was told via the caseworker telling foster dad who told Dude who called me that there is a BIG meeting Wednesday - UGH

    This isn't going to be good - and every time they call with "Meeting" - Dude gets besides himself.....yet THAT is not supposed to cause him to be upset or lend to his moods. Uffdah.


    Dude says he is NOT NOT NOT moving period - and they know he'll be homeless for Christmas. - NICE move agency.....nice.
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Star, I'm so sorry. Neither one of you need this aggravation. Where are they trying to move him to now? That place 200 miles away?

    Sending hugs and prayers.
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Oh Star, they just don't stop, do they.

    I'm so very sorry. The minute one thing settles down, they're up in your face with another.

    Sending many hugs, another coat of polish for your warrior mom armour, a pair of great big hob nailed boots to kick whatever needs kicking (I would be specific, if not for the board censors), and many many prayers for you and Dude.

    It just stinks!
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    They are still trying to get him to MOVE to that place 200 miles away.

    This is what it's all been about - and when we had that meeting they said they were going to get back in touch with everyone involved....

    Well Dude's been going to school, he's made it to one day of community service - he is STILL looking for a job - my word we went in Big Lots and he asked the manager right in front of me - said "I'm a good worker, I'm a quick learner." - you really hate to hear your kids begging. The manager said he had cut everyone's hours to the point of next to nothing....sorry." and Dude said "Well thank you anyway -keep me in mind when things change."

    I really don't know what to do. I've fought them already - they aren't going to concede, it's going to be what they want or nothing and we just do NOT get their illogical thinking - keeping him where he is is A LOT less costlier for them - unless like DF says - They know if they push for this awful place Dude will refuse and if he refuses he'll be in non-compliance and they can end his contract.

    I really don't get their thinking - he's finally doing good and making strides, staying out of trouble - and yet "let's just mess that up."

    I wish I knew who to talk to about this -and I hope I'm wrong, I hope they come in and say OKEY dokey - here's what we need....but I doubt it.

    I guess I could call caseworker - but why - ya know?
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Oh, wow, Star, this is terrible. I sure hope that the meeting has a nice surprise ending, perhaps seeing how things go through the holidays at the very least. I'm sorry you've exhausted all of your efforts. I will keep you/Dude in my thoughts and hope that a better decision is made in his best interest. How stupid to send him away so far from all the he knows. Ridiculous. I don't understand how these people think!
  6. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Star, do you think there's any mileage in going to the media?

    Unless by doing so, you're putting yourselves at risk of being found by people you'd prefer never to see again, it might be worth a shot.

    With all of the attention being paid right now to the lack of mental health services for older children, because of the Nebraska abandonment laws, the media might pick up on your story and be able to do something to help Dude and you.

    The light of public scrutiny might just get the agency to do what they should be doing, when no arguments about how well Dude is faring will win the day.

    Your mileage may vary, but unless it will really hurt you, it might be worth it.

  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have no happy upbeat thinking on how "the system" is messing with Dude. In fact, it really infuriates me that they would schedule a meeting during the holiday week. Hmmmm....maybe they think that eliminates your chances of calling in help or being prepared? Wouldn't surprise me much!

    Now the question is "what can we do to be prepared next Wednesday?" I think first you need to chill for a day or two so your mind is clear enough to start a new plan.

    Make a checklist:
    Person - Agency - Degree of Involvement - Position on Dude placement and progress.
    Buy a 3 ring binder, paper and plastic sheet protectors if you have the bucks.
    Make a page for each entry. Names, Numbers, Dates of last contact.

    Then, recontact each person who is "pro Dude" and after apologizing for the unGodly timing of your call request they fax a short note stating that they feel confident that it is in everyone's best interest that Dude stay as he is.


    Just had another flash of brilliance (lol) have Dude go to ??? anyone with a decent reputation in the community and ask them, flat out, "I must find
    a job this week so I can provide in writing that I am working. Even though
    you can not afford to hire me....would you please consider giving me a few hours of work each week without pay?"


    Have Dude make a list of EVERY person he has spoken to in his efforts to find a job. Name, address, phone number and company name AND their

    Now, I have to plan my TDAY menu so I can shop on the way home from work and feed 8 or 9 a lovely complete meal from scratch and never let them see me sweat! :D

    Chill out, Starbie. Use your business brain. Give it your best shot and then know that your best shot is all ya' got! Hugs. DDD
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Thank you all -

    Trinity - I don't know if I could do the news thing - because x's dad still exists somewhere here under a flat rock. I only see resemblences of him when it rains - on the sidewalk - squirming.

    D3 - Did you manage a fortune 500 company or something? I'm impressed with your ability to orgainze so quickly and with such accuracy - he's been using the letter you wrote - people take it but no one has offered a thing. I'll approach him about working for free. Actually that should show someone he's trying -
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Star, are you absolutely certain that they are going to move him? I know that is what has happened in the past, but I hate to see you jump to an erroneous conclusion. (My bad if you have the inside dope on this, by the way...)

    I would prepare for the worst and expect the best. Is it possible that they are going to put further restrictions on him, or extend a date or something? Were you able to talk to the fosters and see what it is that the agency said?

    On a different note, has Dude approached a church or the Salvation Army or other non-profit for a job? I hope I don't sound flippant at this late date. I'm just grasping at straws, as I'm sure you all are too.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Ah Witz you are my grounding stone - thanks. However - the agency that I called to help us had little more to say after speaking with them than - "They are going to move him and nothing you say will change that."

    When we won a reprieve that day I thought it would be until after the first of the year, that's what we asked for. Dude's been doing what he's supposed to do - but they haven't and they don't like to be reminded that they are not.

    I did stop at a place on my lunch 1/2 hr. and asked the manager if she would consider job training and write a letter of recommendation. She said she would. She can't pay him to start, but she will train him for a job,and I see it working into something for him. I left in tears. She said to bring him by on Friday.

    Keep your fingers crossed.
    I never ever would have thought about this idea if you hadn't suggested it D3 - and Witz.....:tongue: - I think I can make it though thanksgiving now without upset stomach.

  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    {{{{{{{{{Big hugs, lady.}}}}}}}}}}}}}
  12. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I am so sorry to hear this. My initial thought was trinity's thought, yet I can totally understand not wanting to go there with this.

    It is absolutely unreal. I wish i had some ideas but i do not.

    I'm just sending you hugs right now.
  13. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Honestly, my first thought was they wanted to move him to get him to drop out. It is a typical ploy. I hope I'm wrong. Maybe if you presented it to Dude that that's what they're trying to do, he'll agree to the move just to prove them wrong. Once there, you can fight and show how the move is bad for all involved and a really, really bad choice.

    Yes, I know the move will be detrimental to Dude but not as detrimental as having him come home or live on the streets. Maybe if he thinks there's a chance to fight this whole thing by going along and then fighting from there to get back to where he was, it might actually work.

    In the meantime, major hugs to all of you. I truly hope and pray something good comes out of all of this.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Hip Hip Hooray!! I am thankful for a few things this year....Dude's letter
    is one of those things. :D DDD

    PS: No,Starbie, I am a poor small business owner who at 68 is still wondering why to H I'm not the CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation. I also wonder how to heck I ended up parenting for five decades. ;) What a life!
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2008
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am keeping every body paart that crosses crossed. I hope that the agency will just get off Dude's case if he hasthat letter of job training. Take a recorder into the meeting with you.

    I am so sorry they want to move him before the holidays. I think they may have audits coming up and want as many "adults" off the books so they can say the "successfully" treated all of them. Because if it wasn't successful then the clients would still be on the books, wouldn't they? I also think they will do everything they can to get Dude to drop out of the program.

    Is there any way you can approach the governor or your state representative or even federal representative to intervene in this?
  16. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green


    *grabs Cloe's leash, a map and heads for the car*
  17. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Who thinks up this carp. Many hugs to you and dude (he can just deal with a hug though I imagine he won't like it).

  18. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Sending strength your way Star*

    I really like DDD's idea of everyone that knows Dude to write a letter appealing this latest development. Specifically the part about writing down all of Dude's strengths, and why it would not be in his best interest to move. Heck, all of Dude's board Aunties would write all who personally know him!! Boy that would be a stack of opinions!!!!

    Can you legally appeal the decision?

    I think our board should all pool our resources and develop a program for our difficult children that actually works, that is no cost, and which provides help for them indefinitely. We need a grant, a plan, a vision. Something in America needs to happen for these kids. Something.

  19. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    On the CNN hero awards last night the woman who has started a running club for homeless along her jogging route offered a extremely clear reflection of the thinking that this agency needs in bold went something like
    what has happened to this world that a person who acts toward others with caring respect and whatever she a "hero".
    The wall street crowd is getting an enormous bed of money, the banks are being
    helped out....I assume all the folks involved with that mess are motivated in part because they do not have other employments...putting out a person who has a
    host of disablility issues in mid-winter because they are not employed this year
    is beyond the edge of madness, cruelty, indifferance....what is the point of relocating this person so far from any supports that are in place for them?
    Their family? No point.
    Just stand your ground, my dear. Either they will figure out a new and improved plan, or make certain that over the holidays they are haunted by their cruel and
    meaningless choice here. Speak your truth. Answer their indifferance with truth.
    I think that the fact that you have done so much as has he himself ought to be in
    the consideration.
    I want this matter to resolve in a way that works for your family members. Until I read some new improved news on this my fingers are crossed, you are all in my prayers...and I will be shallow breathing...with some rough snort sounds errupting from time to time.