d/h home again

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by guest3, Jun 15, 2007.

  1. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    this is the 3rd day (this week) he's called out using his dying Dad and difficult child II as an excuse. He has not gone to see his Dad or difficult child II (not even called him) He is just here binging and sleeping. And he had the "bells" to call me worthless for not making the coffee this morning! I have been sleeping in difficult child II's room. I am feeling little for d/h right now.

    difficult child II is supposed to stay at hospital now until Monday. I am still worried about him because of the tics we saw and no one else apparantly has. So the Dr. raises Depakote another 125 without even telling me. I really want to pull him today but counselor is trying to talk me out of it, because they will watch his Depakote levels while he's there.

    I am sad because difficult child II was disappointed and now he's feeling home sick. I also think he's pretty bored there because there is not alot for him to do.

  2. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    I'm so sorry for how your husband is acting. Does he have a history or binge drinking like this?

    I replied to your other post about difficult child.

    Looks like we'll have matched anxiety levels on Monday with both of our difficult child's being discharged!

  3. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    Sadly d/h does have history 4 DWI's and began drinking at age 12. Many a counselor has told me he's too "intense" with how he handles both difficult child's. I am really in a place now where I have a lot of tough decsions to make, sigh..............

    We've been married for 16 years this August and I always stuck it out for the kids, only to realize it's probably done them more harm then good.

    I did call in the "Big Guns" I called our Pastor this morning, I was terrified, there's nothing the man hates more then to hear from wives whinning about their husbands, so I kept it short and sweet and I am going to get cleaned up now, because there's a good chance he'll be showing up here at some point today.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh honey.

    I know you already know this, but your husband is an alcoholic. This statement lovingly comes from a fellow alcoholic. He needs help. Unfortunately, he will not get it until and unless he thinks he needs it.

    If he does not, you may need to consider alternate plans, because staying with him is NOT in the best interest of the children. My most sincere prayers and biggest hugs go out to you.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I agree with BBK. My husband quit drinking, but only after I kicked him out for 12 months, 4 of which he was in jail for DUII. I told him he could have a family, or drink, but not both. He will not quit untill he wants to . Hugs, and good luck.
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    So sorry you are going through all of this....when it rains, it pours. I, also, had an alcoholic husband for years - I know the pain you are going through, and how whether we can immediately see it or not, it impacts our children. Big hugs to you, and lots of courage, to make the choices you want to make........it is so hard in the beginning.........but well worth it in the end.
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry things are so difficult right now. Hugs and prayers being sent your way.
  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I am so sorry. I agree with-BBB, etc. Good luck with-the pastor. Why would you/he think you're a whiny wife? You're living in h*ll and carrying this burden all alone. Wish I could be there to help you make your decision.
    by the way, I can tell you what I would have done with-the hot coffee if my husband had said that...
    (Sorry, I realize that's not terribly supportive, but you shouldn't have to take that kind of abuse.)
  10. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I've been through this too, for twenty years, so I know what you're going through.

    I was another one who took all the abuse and thought I was doing a good thing by trying to hold it all together "for the kids". With the benefit of hindsight, I can see now that the kids (and me too!) would have been so much better off had the "marriage" ended a decade before it actually did! I did them nothing but harm by allowing them to grow up in that atmosphere.
  11. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    day 4 and it's his birthday today well "happy birthday"
  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    OK. So, what are you going to do?
  13. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    mmmmmmmmmmm not bake him a cake. LOL

    seriously I am hoping to ask him to leave 2morrow prior to bringing difficult child II coming home.

    spoke to d/h's sister and was told I am being heartless and the reason difficult child's have problems. So no support coming from his side.

    so one day at a time
  14. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    sorry the smurf had to go way too happy after this week, time to armour up
  15. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I like that, your new warrior picture.

    Of course your sister in law is going to say it's your fault. This way, she does not have to look at her brother.

    You have all the support in the world from us here. Prayers and hugs coming your way, this is not easy.

    GO Warrior mom!!
  16. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>the gloves came off yesterday :warrior:, this was brought on by d/h not coming with me to see difficult child II (who seemed ok, but had been giving the staff a run for the money all morning and has become a tatoo artist, the kid has written on every inch of his body!)


    I told d/h if he did not get his act together that I would call DYFS worker (we have an open case - but no charges were pressed) and tell him he'd been binging and that he needed to be removed b4 I could bring difficult child II home (dirty I know-My sister's suggestion - Sister is a DYFS worker in another county) but it did get his attention.

    Our Pastor had a death in the family so he never had called but d/h called him and left message yesterday. So that's one step. The next will be going to an AA meeting, although I firmly believe d/h needs to be on something for anxiety. He seems to have biggest problem with seeing his Dad in hospital (he has no relationship with him at all) but d/h just does not handle "hospital well".

    But another positive&gt;&gt;&gt; :bravo: D/H DID go to work this morning</span>
  17. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    That is good!

    No doubt, your D/H is going through a LOT. But, that does not excuse him from being a parent. And it does not make it ok to drink away his responsibilities.

    I'm sober going on 4 years. I know it is tough, but it is doable.

    Good for you for taking a stance. Way To Go, warrior mom!
  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He needed that kick in the tush if you ask me.

    Good for you!
  19. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    it was "kick in the tush" or "frying pan to right side of head"
  20. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat