SuZir
Well-Known Member
difficult child's adventure at abroad seems to have a good start. I try not to get my hopes too high; it is well known that when moving abroad, it is three months mark, when things tend to turn sour. And difficult child is only half way there, so it is common to honeymoon first. But I'm still cautiously optimistic about this.
It is a huge help that sport wise he has been doing very well. Makes a world of difference to his mood and also makes it so much easier to get comfortable with his team. Last fall was so horribly rough both off and on the field and on-field troubles definitely carried to off the field too. difficult child's new coaches seem to have rather tough love approach, but are not unreasonable. And difficult child feels they are reasonably fair, which is huge thing. difficult child has always had very hard time tolerate perceived unfairness.
Big thing is also that difficult child and his American flat mate come along well. They have been able to negotiate clear ground rules (I have an understanding that difficult child's sport psychiatric who spent two days there helped with that a lot) and are happy to share a flat and spend lots of time together. Which they better do anyway. Language situation in the team is worse than I even thought. There are only three guys who voluntarily speak more English to difficult child and his flat mate; and two of them are much older, other one old enough to be their dad and less than two years younger than I am.
difficult child has also been surprised how wearing it can be to try to communicate with mixing German (which he doesn't speak so well) and English (which he does) and try to understand a mix of local language (which he doesn't understand a word), German and English. His flat mate doesn't speak anything but English and bit od Spanish and is even more lost so difficult child has to try to communicate for him too. But this language mishmash and dealing with it greatly increases difficult child's need for down time. Which is just as good I guess, because apparently there is nothing to do in their tiny town. I can imagine that. It is about 30 000 people and no University or anything. Of course hundred mile radius there is probably about 10 million people there, so it is not middle of nowhere, but still not much to do, when you just have couple of hours and no time to drive anywhere.
While difficult child is not currently continuing his trauma therapy full force and just chats with his therapist via Skype twice a month, he does continue to work with more practical things with his sport psychiatric. Latest was his social media clean up after an embarrassing situation for future benefit. Apparently sport psychiatric taught difficult child how to appraise which can be put where. I'm not sure if I should be proud or offended or just laugh my butt off for how he is to do it. difficult child is not always so good judge in how things will be received, but he does know how I will likely react. So that is a base for difficult child's new social media rules. If he thinks something he writes makes me roll my eyes, it is still borderline okay for his public Twitter. If I'm likely to start to sigh, it doesn't belong to Twitter, but can still be put to his 'private' (with 900 friends) Fb account. And if I start to grit my teeth, it is only okay for his new much more private, private FB page, that doesn't have his name or picture. And in the end, if it would make me start my sentence with 'sweet, dear child' it should not go to anywhere in Internet.
I'm not sure if I want to know, which one came up with essence of that grading...
What they are working now, is practical issues of that language barrier. They are trying to find tactics for difficult child to not be bothered and stress out about the chatter over his head that he can't understand. And how to communicate nonverbally when he has excluded himself from the chatter around him and when he wants to be included and wishes that someone would translate him the essence of what is being talked about.
difficult child does have some issues with whacky GA group he is coerced to participate, but he does have a jail free card for that. He visited briefly home a week ago and had an appointment with his psychiatrist and psychiatrist promised him that she will make a call and end that, if difficult child wants. difficult child doesn't want to make waves yet though. He wants to have even stronger position in his coaches eyes before that.
When visiting home, difficult child seemed reasonably calm and was very chatty. That tends to be a good sign. And he is working for his goals and is determinate.
So all in all; difficult child is doing well thus far.
It is a huge help that sport wise he has been doing very well. Makes a world of difference to his mood and also makes it so much easier to get comfortable with his team. Last fall was so horribly rough both off and on the field and on-field troubles definitely carried to off the field too. difficult child's new coaches seem to have rather tough love approach, but are not unreasonable. And difficult child feels they are reasonably fair, which is huge thing. difficult child has always had very hard time tolerate perceived unfairness.
Big thing is also that difficult child and his American flat mate come along well. They have been able to negotiate clear ground rules (I have an understanding that difficult child's sport psychiatric who spent two days there helped with that a lot) and are happy to share a flat and spend lots of time together. Which they better do anyway. Language situation in the team is worse than I even thought. There are only three guys who voluntarily speak more English to difficult child and his flat mate; and two of them are much older, other one old enough to be their dad and less than two years younger than I am.
difficult child has also been surprised how wearing it can be to try to communicate with mixing German (which he doesn't speak so well) and English (which he does) and try to understand a mix of local language (which he doesn't understand a word), German and English. His flat mate doesn't speak anything but English and bit od Spanish and is even more lost so difficult child has to try to communicate for him too. But this language mishmash and dealing with it greatly increases difficult child's need for down time. Which is just as good I guess, because apparently there is nothing to do in their tiny town. I can imagine that. It is about 30 000 people and no University or anything. Of course hundred mile radius there is probably about 10 million people there, so it is not middle of nowhere, but still not much to do, when you just have couple of hours and no time to drive anywhere.
While difficult child is not currently continuing his trauma therapy full force and just chats with his therapist via Skype twice a month, he does continue to work with more practical things with his sport psychiatric. Latest was his social media clean up after an embarrassing situation for future benefit. Apparently sport psychiatric taught difficult child how to appraise which can be put where. I'm not sure if I should be proud or offended or just laugh my butt off for how he is to do it. difficult child is not always so good judge in how things will be received, but he does know how I will likely react. So that is a base for difficult child's new social media rules. If he thinks something he writes makes me roll my eyes, it is still borderline okay for his public Twitter. If I'm likely to start to sigh, it doesn't belong to Twitter, but can still be put to his 'private' (with 900 friends) Fb account. And if I start to grit my teeth, it is only okay for his new much more private, private FB page, that doesn't have his name or picture. And in the end, if it would make me start my sentence with 'sweet, dear child' it should not go to anywhere in Internet.
I'm not sure if I want to know, which one came up with essence of that grading...
What they are working now, is practical issues of that language barrier. They are trying to find tactics for difficult child to not be bothered and stress out about the chatter over his head that he can't understand. And how to communicate nonverbally when he has excluded himself from the chatter around him and when he wants to be included and wishes that someone would translate him the essence of what is being talked about.
difficult child does have some issues with whacky GA group he is coerced to participate, but he does have a jail free card for that. He visited briefly home a week ago and had an appointment with his psychiatrist and psychiatrist promised him that she will make a call and end that, if difficult child wants. difficult child doesn't want to make waves yet though. He wants to have even stronger position in his coaches eyes before that.
When visiting home, difficult child seemed reasonably calm and was very chatty. That tends to be a good sign. And he is working for his goals and is determinate.
So all in all; difficult child is doing well thus far.
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