difficult child is off to North Carolina

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MrMike, Oct 23, 2013.

  1. MrMike

    MrMike Member

    difficult child decided to visit a friend living in N. Carolina. He has little money, and decided to do a ride-share thing, where he found someone on a ride-share website who was looking for a passenger on their trip down south. difficult child will pay him money for gas, and hopefully get to where he is going. I gave him gas money and a little extra, and he is on his way. He doesn't seem concerned that he has little money, and is riding down there with a stranger. I suggested the bus, but he was not interested.

    The good and the bad .... The Good is he wont be around to irritate/abuse us for awhile (we dont know how long that is).
    The Bad is that he is taking a risk doing this with a stranger, little money, and no way (as of now) to
    to get home.

    I think he is running away from himself and his condition. I think the friend he is visiting will get sick of him and kick him out just as all his other friends have done. I think he will call at that point asking for us to buy him a bus ticket to get him home.

    But what do I know, I'm only his clueless parent who knows nothing!

    Pray for me
  2. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Prayers going up, Mr. Mike.

    For both of you, and for all of us.

  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Prayers for you, your difficult child and as Cedar mentioned for all of us.

    The scenario will likely play out the way you imagine it will. Sigh. However, in the meantime, really enjoy the time you have of freedom from difficult child antics! Really! Take advantage of the time to regroup, rest, relax and have FUN! These are YOUR moments now, grab them and run with them and stay here in the present moment, no use worrying about what will or may happen, when that shows up, you can deal with it then.............but for now...................woo hoo, you're FREE!
  4. MrMike

    MrMike Member

    Well, he made it ok, and is likely very tired from his drive down there. We will see how long he stays, and how he gets back home when the time
    comes. It is nice having a break from him. That's all for now I guess. Feeling sort of a letdown now that he is gone for awhile. Not sure what to do with the freedom and lack of stress. I'm sure I'll find plenty of good things to replace that stuff with though. :)
  5. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Mr. Mike, that is what detachment is about, too. Somehow, we need to figure out a way to believe our kids will do the right thing FOR THEM. In my experience, it never once looked like the right thing, to me. Against all the odds sometimes, the kids pop back up at some point, and we're back in the game. Anxiety, anger, the futility of it all ~ all that stuff comes back so strongly that we might never have had a break from it, at all. Maybe this is a time to attend an Al-Anon or NAMI meeting, or to read about detaching from the choices and behaviors of people we love so much it breaks our hearts.

    Wishing you and your family well, Mr. Mike.

    If you continue posting about what you are going through emotionally now, in this crisis-free interval, there will be someone here who understands.

  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    MrMike, I know that feeling of letdown after difficult child shenanigans subside for awhile............all that walking on eggshells and holding our breath...........waiting for the other shoe to drop...............is, at least, temporarily gone................life is sort of in a holding pattern as we try to bring back color, energy, vitality............which has been on hold for awhile as we trudge through..............that reality impacts all of us MrMike, in one fashion or another..............so what I've learned is to take a deep breath, blow out the recent past and it's shaky reality and do your level best to get yourself back on your own track..............

    This roller coaster our kids force us to be on is so jolting to us because of the ups and downs that they live in that we are never prepared to join them in. I don't think we can really get used to it because we are not in the head space they are in but we are forced to live in it with them.

    You are in counseling. You are in the NAMI group. But, for me it went beyond that..........I had to do more to keep myself healthy and balanced. I still do a lot because my daughter is still "out there." One thing that helps me a lot is to take short trips, get a different perspective, a drive to the ocean for the day, a hike in the woods.........different scenery. Make it a point to connect with your wife and have a date. Get as much exercise as you can. Be outdoors. Meditate if you can. Breath deeply. Acupuncture helps me to find deep relaxation. Watch sports with guy friends...........keep yourself occupied in activities which bring you peace and pleasure and do that as much as you possibly can. difficult child's take up a lot of our time and energy and we have to combat that with a real focus on ourselves.

    Take this time to re-energize yourselves. Good luck. And, as Cedar mentioned, continue to post now too, it helps.