Do you set goals? and

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Charmedpea, Jun 12, 2008.

  1. Charmedpea

    Charmedpea New Member

    Hello Everyone,

    This week after we realized what was wrong with her we re-evaluated how to help her and how we do things our self.
    Punishment fits the crime sorta speak.

    We grounded her for not coming home on time the night before the overdose. After she was released from the hospital.

    first we took away everything, once I did some reading on her disorders, I told hubby we need to make the punishment fit the crime.

    Ok so we gave her back the computer for 1 hour a day, with me their the whole hour. and an hour on the phone a day. she was grounded from not going anywhere for a week. Their is a car show she wants to go to this weekend. We said ok, this week you must follow directions, no yelling, cursing at me, being disrepect. ETC. I told her yesturday to clean bathroom have it done before I get home.

    Well she got mad so she left when to friends house (i think) and didnt clean the bathroom.

    She came home intime for her softball practice which could only be 15min's because of doctors appointment. Which is the first one since she has been released from the hospital. Which she didnt want to go to. I said you promised me you would talk to her. Oh mom that is because I was hooked up to all that stuff in the hospital. when we got their she wanted me to go in. i told her no. I have gone into every appointment she has had. She needs to go in herself. Thank god she came out smiling. I kept waiting to see if she starts yelling at the dr. or walks out, or her mouth would start on the doctor as soon as she got in the car. None of that happened.


    Her coach knows what happened, and is working with us and is going to give her little goals to meet in softball to improve her game. She is very good at it. She definiatly puts her heart into it.

    Anyway, while we were driving, every person she saw, she would say *****, Oh I hate her, etc. I never realized how she doesnt like anyone. She has a hand full of friends that she gets along with. I told the doctor yesturday when daughter went to go into for appointment, what had happened and how do we enforce what she doesnt do or listen.

    If she gets mad she just leaves. Now a walk around the block to me is fine, its a cooling off period. As long as she doesnt get sidetracked.
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    OK.
    Did your daughter get a diagnosis and, if so, what is it and who diagnosed her? Has she ever seen a neuropsychologist.

    Are there are psychiatric problems on either side of the family tree? Any substance abuse?

    How was her early development--speech, large and small motor skills, eye contact, peer interaction, imaginary play?

    If you do a signature, like I did below, that will really help us help you :)

    Because of the nature of my son's issues, we worked less on discipline and more on his interventions and it worked for us! You need to pinpoint what the problem is and what is causing it (example: ODD almost never stands alone). Do NOT try to diagnose her alone.

    Others will come along :)
     
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Here is a link to info on creating a signature similar to mine below:

    http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8399

    I'm sorry you and your daughter are struggling. I remember that your daughter overdosed on Tylenol, but I'm wondering what the hospital recommended in terms of treating her. It sounds as if she's really hurting inside and her overdose was a cry for help.
     
  4. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Sorry, I don't have experience with the older kiddos yet. I just wanted to welcome you. I'm sure others will be along with great advice!
     
  5. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Just wanted to welcome you, although I'm sorry you have a reason to find us. You are right to try and find consequences that fit the behavior and unfortunately grounding a defiant teen requires constant supervision to enfoce. It's great that her coach is helpful and concerned and she can participate in something positvie like softball. You mentioned that she went to a friend's house. Are you concerned about her friends being a bad influence? What are the circumstances surounding the overdose (sorry if I missed a post with this info).

    Good luck finding the intervention to help you daughter be successful.
    Welcome!
    Christy
     
  6. Charmedpea

    Charmedpea New Member

    ok i'm going to do my best to answer & miss any questions. I hope the siggy thing works.

    concerned about her friends? Yes.
    here diagnosis came from Childrens Hospital, they told me to really consider the program PHP (Partial Hospitalization program.) To me it was a not something we had to think about it came highly recommend.

    The rest is in the siggy.

    It drives me nuts how she turns things around and makes me second guess myself. We really have to watch how we word things, and make sure we dont leave a gray area because if we do she will definitly find it and use it to her advantage.

    We met her guidance councler at the high school today. Very nice lady told her, her office is the safty zone. and the best peice of advice she gave her was to stay away from the jr. & sr's boys, their is a reason they try and date the freshmen, because the jr & sr girls know better and they wont touch them with a 10ft pole. boy's are yucky.

    she explained getting your credits and that their are a bunch of boys mostly in summer school trying to graduate. well wouldnt you know they have guts. We were walking out to the car and a couple of boys where hanging at their car and said to her are you attending this school in aug. I said see those are the boys the guidance councler was talking about.

    During the day except for the next 10 days while she is in PHP she is home alone. One of us is ready to quit our job just to keep an eye on her. Not that I think she will Overdose again. I think the hospital getting sick for over 8 hrs was enough. but I'm not in her head and if you would of asked me 2wks ago if she would of done it I would of said no.

    Dr. said she didnt plan the Overdose, it was impulsive, in the moment. So it can happen anytime anywhere.

    We are both working parents, But we were home when she overdosed.

    difficult child is out now with hubby practicing hiting the softball, game day saturday.

    Thank god for my mom. She lives close enough for the kids to walk over to her house. She has told my mom things she has never told me.

    I have to sneak my posts in when she is not home.
     
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