It's OK, Star. I may see autism and Asperger's under every rock, as my kids claim, but I've also been preaching that it's not necessarily a bad thing to have. But it IS a bad thing to be struggling in life and not know why.
I don't interfere, but I do keep my eyes open and quietly draw my on conclusions. If the opportunity arises, I will find out more and hopefully get into a conversation, but only if the opportunity arises.
Because I got involved, I was able to confirm my opinion of difficult child 1's best friend's Aspie diagnosis and from there able to get both of them enrolled and eventually through a college course. For the friend, it was his start in college in the absence of the school graduation that had been unfairly denied him due to a teacher's discrimination against him over her own fears.
One of difficult child 3's best friends was diagnosed because again, I spoke up and then organised for as much help as the family would accept. That kid is now doing well.
Mind you, I have made some mistakes. The kids at difficult child 3's drama class have a range of diagnoses but the majority are on the autism spectrum. I organised a picnic, about three families turned up. The kids had fun, the parents had a great day out. But I remember showing one girl my sudoku book, me idiotically thinking that all autistics are bright and capable with logic like difficult child 3. Nope. This girl sat patiently while I explained how to do sudoku. Then she took the book from me, flipped through it, found the answers at the back and patiently explained to me that all tat brain power I was expending was really not necessary; all I really needed to do was transfer the numbers one at a time, following the answer at the back. THAT was how you do it, none of the mental labour.
She wasn't advocating dishonesty; she's not smart enough for that. But for this girl, she is always going to have to find the easiest, most logical way through the problem. She has to use every bit of help she can. But I was most amused by her polite, patient explanation to me tat I was doing it wrong and making so much more work for myself than I needed to.
I felt shamed. And delighted. She's a darling girl. And if you watch Black Balloon, she's one of the lions.
Marg