fall out from mediation

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Liahona, May 14, 2012.

  1. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Most of you know x is a manipulative swear word and because he didn't get what he wanted from the mediation is upset. He has told difficult child 1 that he has a 50/50 chance of being killed on the job this week! Actually told him he might fall off a cliff he is working next to. Can I scream now? I would be grateful if x threw himself off a cliff. difficult child 1 isn't to that point yet. Though he isn't as upset about it as x would want him to be. difficult child 1's main concern is 'can I bring my toys from x's house here if he dies?' I told him yes. difficult child 1 doesn't let go of ideas though and after one is PLANTED like that he will go over and over it until he does get himself worked up. I'd better call the school. difficult child 1 has been doing so well there too. :sigh:

    And of course I can't really say anything to change difficult child 1's mind that x isn't really going to die. The best I can do is try to keep his mind somewhere else.

    This reminds me of when I was married to him and he'd say things like 'you hate me. You just want me to kill myself." I told him "Yep" and I walked away. He had a gun with him at the time.

    And I can't get hold of the therapist! His office changed to a different town, but his boss said he is still planning on doing therapy with difficult child 1. I can't get a hold of him though to make an appointment. Haven't been able to for weeks and now we really need an appointment. I am mad.
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Update- The therapist just called me back and set up a time for an appointment on Wednesday.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Well, at least...
    1) he called back, and
    2) it's not a "two weeks from now" appointment...

    Those transition points drive me crazy - we have enough craziness dealing with difficult children, don't need the rest of the world to turn difficult child on us too!
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Just awful. No normal parent would say that to a child even if it was true. I doubt most police officers or fire fighters etc. say to their kids, well today may be the day someone kills me honey! good grief.

    Hopefully what is naturally happening is that as he continues to use these kinds of emotional threats they are just losing some of the effectiveness. I LOVE that he thought it through, well, the worst that can happen? Dad dies and I have to figure out how to get my stuff. (I know he would be devastated but you know what I mean, he is maybe getting old enough to realize that there is just as strong a chance it wont happen so maybe he (praying so) is not quite as scared as those times when he told him that difficult child could die or get hurt while camping or whatever it was they were doing....AARRRRGGGGG).

    How you keep your sanity when someone is so cruel to your child I just dont know, I suppose it is what we all have to do, just get through it, pray, lean on friends, and cope with it as best as we can. I hope the mediator agreed upon, joint therapist will hear of this....would love for difficult child 1 to bring it up during a session!
  5. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I just had the thought that difficult child 1, when he was younger, would say things like he was going to kill himself. Maybe I could have difficult child 1 remember those times and why he would say those things to us. Then maybe he could put the dots together and realize that x is saying these things not because he is really going to die but for the same reasons difficult child 1 would say them to us. (He was mad at us.) That line of reasoning could really backfire though if difficult child 1 hasn't processed the why of his suicide threats from years ago. It is also a very fine line though and I'm not comfortable with it. One slip up and difficult child 1 would go to x with "mom says you tried to scare me because you were mad". Even if it were true I'd get in trouble with the court for pointing it out to difficult child 1. I might have to leave this one to the therapist.

    Buddy, its the joint therapist that has the appointment with him. This will come up in therapy.
  6. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Saying things like that to ANY kid can be damaging, let alone what it does to a difficult child! I'm sorry that x is doing this to you and to the kids.
  7. bigbear11

    bigbear11 Guest

    Its hard to believe that anyone would say such cruel things to a child. Do they have to see him? Seems like this type of abuse could get whatever visitation denied.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Bigbear... there's a whole history behind this case. The good news is that therapist is involved again in joint counselling... and the therapist has the ability to affect visitation rights... so, we (on this board) are sure hoping therapist hears and sees what needs to be seen and heard...