I have known about 4 people that had one parent desert them at an early age and reappear later in life when they start to realize they won't live forever. My children's father has had no contact with them for almost 20 years. I gave my daughter away at her wedding and she did invite her dad and he came as a guest. She and her new husband (first and only time he was to meet him) gave him their address and telephone number and invited him for dinner. He was to call and never did, my daughter never heard from him again. About 10 years ago my son was visiting Atlanta and called him to visit while he was in town. His dad said no! I can't understand why, unless, dad thought son was looking for some place to live, which was not the case. My son said the call was about 1 minute long. 16+ years ago I had a phone call from one of the dad's relatives. His mother was dying and was asking for him, no one knew how to reach him. His family had zero contact with me and the children because they did not believe in divorce, but I was very surprised that they had no contact with him. He had remarried and was living with her parents so I called the mother and asked if I could give his family their number, I knew their name and they were listed in the phone book. We had a nice conversation and I asked her if he knew he had 2 grandchildren and she said yes, he did receive the birth announcements. I told her he had zero contact with his kids. He has never paid child support. It ticked me off that his family was calling ME to pass messages after they had totally ignored us. I told the mother to let ex-husband know that I would never pass messages for him again, regardless of the situation. That I did this time for his mother, not for him. This week there was an obituary for his oldest brother in the local newspaper, the ex was listed and the town they live in. He has remarried again and now is 60+ years old. I have discussed several times with both of my children that I know he will be looking for them in his laters years, and I still believe that. During those conversations both of them said they don't feel anything for him and don't care to hear from him. He only has 1 sister in law living in this small town and I guess that was the reason for the obit. My phone is listed in hubby's name but I am involved in a lot of charities so people know I'm here, easy to find me. The obit made me think about what I will say when I am contacted for my children's phone numbers. He knows my family members living here and has called my sister asking for my number before, she didn't give it to him. 5 years ago I would have come back with a smart retort just to make him mad so I could call the police when he threatens me, which he loved to do. I would have wanted to get even in some way. Yesterday while working in the yard I reaffirmed the message to my self that I last gave him many years ago. I do not feel like it is my responsiblity to help him contact his children, but I am not angry any more. I had already told him I would not pass messages. They are all adults and I will tell him and his family that it is between them, I do not want to get involved. He has had both of their contact info and should have kept it. This time I can say that, and believe it, without spite or hatred! Just thoughts of how much he missed in their lives by walking out and never looking back. His choices, his losses!