Get used to it!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by krazylilworld, May 16, 2007.

  1. krazylilworld

    krazylilworld New Member

    "Get used to it!" my difficult child 1 says about his using pot. I have put him in drug counselling and it doesn't help because he will still go out and use. Not to m ention the fact that he has also been caught stealing and drinking. :mad: I told him he gets picked up by the cops again that I am not going to bail him out again but of course he knows I would. The thing that bothers me the most is that he has snuck drugs and alcohol into my house and proceeded to coerce(not sure if I spelled that right) my 12 yr old into drinking and puffing. what should i do? :sad:
     
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Well, THIS I can help you with.

    Next time he gets picked up by the cops? DO NOT bail him out. In fact, tell him if you find drugs in your home, you are going to call the cops. Then do it. You can't make him go to treatment, but you can let him know you mean business.

    I am speaking from experience. As a former pot-smoking rotton teenager.
     
  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    when my son told me to get used to hearing him say the F word all day...I let him move on and move out.

    your son is problem too young to let him move out.
    however you can still be the boss.

    tell him to get used to you calling the cops if he does anything illegal and to get used to you not bailing him out.
    he can also get used to you using the juvenile justice system to house him if he continues to introduce his brother to the drug culture.

    dang it fight back. save your other son.
     
  4. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    say this:

    I will do anything I have to keep you and your siblings safe.

    I will tell your probation officer everything. That means everything from 5 minutes late on curfew to a disrespectful attitude. No secrets.

    I will call the police, your probation officer, the school or anyone else
    I think can help me keep you safe from drugs.

    Nevertheless, this is non-negotiable.



    GET USED TO IT
     
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Do not bail him out again. I speak from experience of someone who wishes they hadnt and if you dont when he is a juvy you may save him from time when he is an adult. Let him hit bottom now.
     
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I agree with the others. He is teaching your younger one the same behaviors, so if you don't get him straightened out by not bailing him out and not allowing him to use drugs in your home, you will be dealing with two of them soon. Ask yourself if you can handle two of them doing this to you??

    If he gets arrested, don't bail him out. If he's drugging in your house, call the cops. Do it once, and he will believe you!!! Then tell him to "get used to it"
     
  7. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    I have zero experience with-dealing with-drugs so no help there. Sorry.

    Your son is putting your family at risk in more ways than one. If CPS were to learn of difficult child's behavior (allowing/encouraging 12 yr old to drink and drug), not to further alarm/complicate things for you, but you run the risk CPS pulling all your kids from the home.

    Just something else you may want to factor in to your planning/intervention.

    It shouldn't be so hard to parent our kids. Hugs
     
  8. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Hi Krazy,

    Welcome, this is the right place to come to.

    Let me add my voice to the chorus: mean it when you say you won't bail him out. You have to steel yourself to resist. It will be hard, but remember that going bail is enabling him to continue, buying you more (and worse) trouble down the road and endangering your 12yo. And do call the cops when you catch him smoking/drinking.

    Very best wishes, and we're pulling for you. We all know what it's like.
     
  9. amstrong

    amstrong New Member

    Welcome!

    I have had experience with the "no bail out" policy. My difficult child stayed out of trouble with the law until he was 18 and had to go to "big boy" jail. When called by difficult child to ask if I would get him out of jail, I said no. Was arrested on a Sunday nite, and stayed in jail until Tuesday's court date. I did go to court so he would be sure I saw him being led in in bright yellow scrubs, flip flops and shackles. The prosecutor let me come up to her desk when the case was called and smirked when I told difficult child he looked like u know what and smelled even worse. You see, not only did I make him stay in, I refused to take him any soap, towels, deodorant or clothes. It was a lesson in humility that really worked. As this was difficult child's first offense (caught with pot paraphanalia), the prosecutor told him he could take a 4 week drug/alcohol class, pass a drug screen and it would be taken off his record. He took the class at his own expense resulting in zero $$ left in his savings account. She also told difficult child that not all kids his age had parents who cared enough to let them face their own consequences and that he should be glad to have me! It was very difficult to do because he was in there with some really nasty people whose offenses were way worse than his but I do believe he learned something. We have always told him that as long as he lives in our home, we had better be the first call he makes if he gets arrested (so we know he is alive) but not to expect our help in getting out. He can call others the next time he is allowed to use the phone.

    If this is the tactic you choose, lay it on the line, be prepared to stick to it and do it if it becomes necessary. It won't be easy but you CAN do it-and it may be just the thing your difficult child needs to wake him up!

    Hugs,
     
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