Got some news today...former boss died

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Dec 19, 2007.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I really dont know how I feel either.

    This man made my life a living hell towards the end of my employment and did/said some very unkind things towards me. He was apart of some very awful times that I really hate to even relive. However, he was the director of social services when I worked there and a human being and I kind of feel sad for his family that he has died.

    I do find it a bit ironic that he ended up having to leave his job not many months after I left mine on disability for "back pain" issues. We later found out he was popping dozens of pain pills a day.

    Now he has died and I have no idea why he died or what happened. A former coworker of mine just sent me an email. I wont go to the viewing or anything because I really dont want to see that many people from my old life.

    I just dont know how to feel. Its an odd feeling I guess.
     
  2. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    I know what you mean. There was a woman at my old job who was back-stabbing and self-serving. When a new boss came she moved ahead at the expense of others, including those we thought were her friends. She lied and manipulated her way up the ladder. She didn't do anything to me, but to a couple of my favorite coworkers who were demoted and basically forced to quit because of her embellishments. A few months ago, I found out she had cancer and is terminal. I have very mixed emotions - like you said I just don't know how to feel.
     
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Don't worry about how you should feel, just make sure you feel it and get it out of your way.

    Yes, he was a human being and it's sad that someone human has died.

    Yes, his family deserves your sympathy - mostly because they had to deal with him as well, but also because they loved him.

    Yes, he was a miserable person to make a difficult situation (your health) even worse.

    Yes, he got it back on him by having to experience what you did (the back pain deal) but most likely at a much less stressful way (because he gained knowledge and experience at your expense!).

    So, in order (as relayed above) the answer to your question: "I don't know how to feel" is: bad, bad, happy, happy.

    Mathmatically it comes out to: "sympathically apathetic".

    Hope this helps!

    Beth
     
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I agree with Beth. Feel whatever it is you feel and then let it go. You can respond to his death towards his family in a way that is comfortable to you. You certainly never owe a family your condolences, so if you're not up to that, then don't do anything. I would probably skip the viewing as well - I find them kinda creepy anyway.

    Sorry that you're experiencing such confusion over this meanie's life and death. been there done that and it's a very unsettling emotion.
     
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Ah yes, the good old days of the sociopath in the workplace... it's sad that a man died, probably in pain (mentally? at least physically) but death comes to us all. It sounds like a part of your life now in the past anyway. Whatever may have been wrong with him (or with anybody else's unpleasant sociopathic former colleague) sometimes you can't rationalise it; you just have to accept that that's the way things were. Not your fault, it was just them.

    A door has closed. Since that one closed, others have opened for you. This is like looking back through the window, at the scene you have already left.

    You're not meant to feel anything in particular except what your mind wants you to feel.

    Do what you feel you need to for YOU, Janet. He's beyond pain now.

    Marg
     
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Janet,

    Short of dressing in drag and doing the hoola on his freshly turned earth? I wouldn't worry about it. He was someone you worked with - you owe him nothing. You don't owe him an apology because he was a mean person and treated you poorly - You don't owe his family your pity - he's dead. He had choices in life to live and work and be nice to people and he was in pain - he chose pills and being mean as opposed to being nice and decent and taking medication.

    The chain we forge in life - doesn't mean you can't pity him, but I think you did that when you worked with him. And now he's gone. I think it's more a piece of YOUR life that you are feeling sorrow over. That time in your life can't be relieved either - and you did your best to cope with a jerk. Sometimes I think about the jerk I worked with for 7 years, his Type A alcoholic person, and how stingy he was. And I think- The best day in his miserable life was when he met me because I try to live by example - You did too -

    Not glad he's gone, not sad he's gone - he's just gone. So be it.

    You are a lovely person with a super heart - something to keep in mind about your own mortality - how others would view your deeds on earth when you go.

     
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks guys.

    I emailed the coworker who told me about this and we rehashed old stories about when we worked under him. Some were funny, some were a bit uglier...but all in all it was kind of like we were just going back memory lane.

    I guess I have a big heart because I tend to forgive people for what they have done to me and wish them only the best. I do hope that this man is in a better place now and now in no pain.
     
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