PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
I am having an issue in my marriage and trying to figure out how to handle it.
My husband was in outside sales. He was home a lot, made his own schedule, and it was great. He was gone five nights a month but I had grown used to that.
Then the Plant Manager of his shop was fired and they begged my husband to take the job. I knew he wanted it. He is in his element and is probably going to be the best Plant Manager they have ever had. He debated over taking it and decided to take it saying he wanted to stop traveling and be home with his family - especially since Connor won't be a baby forever and he didn't want to miss anything. (Yes, he is QUITE the grampa!!)
Talk about the opposite. I NEVER see my husband anymore. He leaves very early in the morning. He doesn't get home until late and by the time he gets home and showers, it is 8pm by the time we are eating dinner (which I am completely not having anymore - he will need to reheat his dinner - I am not eating at 8pm every night). He is awake maybe an hour and a half, sometimes not even that long, before he is asleep. It HOOVERS and I am resenting this job - BIG TIME. I know it shows - it must. I am that aggravated over it.
Luckily, I babysit a lot at night while daughter is working so I am not just sitting by myself - I enjoy that time with my grandson. Husband makes jokes about an empty nest and all I can think is thank GOD I do not have an empty nest or I would be ALONE ALL THE TIME. I don't like being alone. Once in a while, maybe, but certainly not all the time.
Tomorrow night I have the night off from babysitting so I wanted a dinner date with my husband - yeah, guess what time that will be? Especially since he wants to drop off dinner for the second shift at his work first (at 7:30pm!). Which means we will get to enter a restaurant at 8pm for yet another late dinner. I mention chores I have to do with daughter Saturday morning so he jumped on that and plans to work since I have things to do anyway. Big surprise.
Yeah, there are trade offs. I do have all of my family under my roof and I am enjoying that very much. I have a new Expedition that I am in love with - husband has the truck now. But what I really want is time with my husband.
I am hoping all of this coincides with him being new to the position and trying to prove himself worthy. I get that. But part of me is worried that this will be the way it is now and what will happen once the kids are gone? What a lonely existence that will be for me. I've lost interest in pursuing my career. I busted my butt for five years and got NOWHERE. So, I now work my job and no overtime - instead, I spend that time with my kids who mean way more to me anyway...
I know I shouldn't be mad. It is not like he is going out with the guys or anything like that. He has always been completely devoted to his family and providing for his family. But I cannot help being SO resentful right now. It is a HUGE change and I am not handling it well.
Any advice? I really don't want to lay all of this on him and make him feel guilty. I know how he is. He would carry it on his shoulders and that is not fair.
Maybe I am just venting here so I won't vent to him...
My husband was in outside sales. He was home a lot, made his own schedule, and it was great. He was gone five nights a month but I had grown used to that.
Then the Plant Manager of his shop was fired and they begged my husband to take the job. I knew he wanted it. He is in his element and is probably going to be the best Plant Manager they have ever had. He debated over taking it and decided to take it saying he wanted to stop traveling and be home with his family - especially since Connor won't be a baby forever and he didn't want to miss anything. (Yes, he is QUITE the grampa!!)
Talk about the opposite. I NEVER see my husband anymore. He leaves very early in the morning. He doesn't get home until late and by the time he gets home and showers, it is 8pm by the time we are eating dinner (which I am completely not having anymore - he will need to reheat his dinner - I am not eating at 8pm every night). He is awake maybe an hour and a half, sometimes not even that long, before he is asleep. It HOOVERS and I am resenting this job - BIG TIME. I know it shows - it must. I am that aggravated over it.
Luckily, I babysit a lot at night while daughter is working so I am not just sitting by myself - I enjoy that time with my grandson. Husband makes jokes about an empty nest and all I can think is thank GOD I do not have an empty nest or I would be ALONE ALL THE TIME. I don't like being alone. Once in a while, maybe, but certainly not all the time.
Tomorrow night I have the night off from babysitting so I wanted a dinner date with my husband - yeah, guess what time that will be? Especially since he wants to drop off dinner for the second shift at his work first (at 7:30pm!). Which means we will get to enter a restaurant at 8pm for yet another late dinner. I mention chores I have to do with daughter Saturday morning so he jumped on that and plans to work since I have things to do anyway. Big surprise.
Yeah, there are trade offs. I do have all of my family under my roof and I am enjoying that very much. I have a new Expedition that I am in love with - husband has the truck now. But what I really want is time with my husband.
I am hoping all of this coincides with him being new to the position and trying to prove himself worthy. I get that. But part of me is worried that this will be the way it is now and what will happen once the kids are gone? What a lonely existence that will be for me. I've lost interest in pursuing my career. I busted my butt for five years and got NOWHERE. So, I now work my job and no overtime - instead, I spend that time with my kids who mean way more to me anyway...
I know I shouldn't be mad. It is not like he is going out with the guys or anything like that. He has always been completely devoted to his family and providing for his family. But I cannot help being SO resentful right now. It is a HUGE change and I am not handling it well.
Any advice? I really don't want to lay all of this on him and make him feel guilty. I know how he is. He would carry it on his shoulders and that is not fair.
Maybe I am just venting here so I won't vent to him...