Janet, I'm glad you're getting in to see the doctor. I have missed you and was wondering if you were unwell gain.
An idea for you to manage and perhaps help get your point across to the doctor - go somewhere quiet with pen and paper, then take some notes on how you feel. Jut write, let your mind roam about your body and mind, then simply describe how you feel.
I did this when I was on medications that didn't seem to be working for me - yes, ADs. I would find myself getting up in the middle of the night, feeling distressed and not wanting to disturb husband. I would grab pen and paper and I remember one morning sitting watching the sun come up. I had walked through the bush and was quite alone, watching the sun come up and just writing what was in my head. Writing it down made me feel a little better, but it was also very useful to show it to the doctor, who read it and immediately took me off the problem medications. I don't think he would have, if I hadn't been able to demonstrate the problems in this way.
For example - you expressed yourself to us here, in terms that have us deeply concerned for you. But you rang the therapist's office and sounded far more rational; you were presenting your public face and in so doing, underplaying the severity of your problems. Hey, its what we do... but in this case, you need to put the whole crud out on the table, spread it out for the doctor to realise.
So when you see the doctor, show what you have written (either here, or your own notes).
I remember I had written about a page describing thoughts that had a life of their own and would not listen to me. These thoughts were like another person talking to me non-stop, someone who wouldn't shut up and someone I couldn't walk away from. I couldn't think clearly, for the constant chatter of my own (but alien) thoughts.
Hang in there, Janet. Let us know how you get on. Don't kill Tony just yet, not until you have a better idea of whether he really is being a pain in the proverbial, or whether it's just your own extreme sensitivity due to medication overload.
I agree, a medication wash may well be needed.
Hang in there, hon.
Marg