T
toughlovin
Guest
Hi all,
Well my difficult child made it back to the sober house. I got up early to drive him to the airport. I was dreading getting up real early and the drive in traffic but i ended up being really glad I did it because we ended up having a really good interaction.
At one point he said he was sorry for being such a pain in the a**.... I laughed and told him he was a pain in the a** but what I really wanted was for him to get better and get his life together, that would make me happy.
I told him I would stop and buy him coffee.... we talked about how he would not be able to take that through security.. he said I dont' suppose you have a couple of dollars. I said it may sound ridiculous but I am not giving you any money, even a couple of dollars. He said it was not ridiculous and said no more about it.
On the way to the airport I missed a turn, which is kind of painful... thank goodness we had a gps. Anyway I wsa mad at myself and started swearing. He laughed, clapped and was excited, He said he has never heard me swear like that... which is kind of shocking because it is not all that unusual!! But he remembers me admonishing him for his bad language and its true when he was younger i was pretty careful about my language. Anyway that kind of opened up something between us.
I told him I thought he thought I was really judgemental and I really was not.... and that led us into a relaxed but real conversation about his drug use. He said he doesn't see him being completely sober for the rest of his life.. he wants to be able drink champagne at his wedding or smoke a joint with friends. I was ablel to say some people can absolutely do that but i think you use drugs to avoid your feelings and your problems. He said that was true but he was talking about once he got his life together, that he knows he needs to be sober to get his life together.
I said well he doesn't have to decide about the future now... that is why they talk about one day at a time. He talked about how he likes one day at a time, but doesn't buy the idea that one drink or one joint will kill you....
So ok he is not there yet... but I think a lot of addicts struggle with the idea of never ever using anything again. That is why "one day at a time" is so important. And it may be that he will get his life together and then decide to try that one joint and will really relapse and have to learn the hard way. But he is acknowledging that for right now to get his act together he needs to be sober. That is huge.
We got to the airport and he told me to get out so he coudl give me a hug. He gave me a big hug, I told him this is his journey but we support him in his journey and that we should have more conversations like that one... and he said yeah I enjoyed that conversation.
So I feel relief... relief that he went back, relief that I saw the side of him I like today, relief that he at least reailzes the needs to be sober to get his act together, and that even with the last week he still seems to want help.. He still has a long way to go and I know that anything can happen... but he conversation today felt real and honest.
TL
Well my difficult child made it back to the sober house. I got up early to drive him to the airport. I was dreading getting up real early and the drive in traffic but i ended up being really glad I did it because we ended up having a really good interaction.
At one point he said he was sorry for being such a pain in the a**.... I laughed and told him he was a pain in the a** but what I really wanted was for him to get better and get his life together, that would make me happy.
I told him I would stop and buy him coffee.... we talked about how he would not be able to take that through security.. he said I dont' suppose you have a couple of dollars. I said it may sound ridiculous but I am not giving you any money, even a couple of dollars. He said it was not ridiculous and said no more about it.
On the way to the airport I missed a turn, which is kind of painful... thank goodness we had a gps. Anyway I wsa mad at myself and started swearing. He laughed, clapped and was excited, He said he has never heard me swear like that... which is kind of shocking because it is not all that unusual!! But he remembers me admonishing him for his bad language and its true when he was younger i was pretty careful about my language. Anyway that kind of opened up something between us.
I told him I thought he thought I was really judgemental and I really was not.... and that led us into a relaxed but real conversation about his drug use. He said he doesn't see him being completely sober for the rest of his life.. he wants to be able drink champagne at his wedding or smoke a joint with friends. I was ablel to say some people can absolutely do that but i think you use drugs to avoid your feelings and your problems. He said that was true but he was talking about once he got his life together, that he knows he needs to be sober to get his life together.
I said well he doesn't have to decide about the future now... that is why they talk about one day at a time. He talked about how he likes one day at a time, but doesn't buy the idea that one drink or one joint will kill you....
So ok he is not there yet... but I think a lot of addicts struggle with the idea of never ever using anything again. That is why "one day at a time" is so important. And it may be that he will get his life together and then decide to try that one joint and will really relapse and have to learn the hard way. But he is acknowledging that for right now to get his act together he needs to be sober. That is huge.
We got to the airport and he told me to get out so he coudl give me a hug. He gave me a big hug, I told him this is his journey but we support him in his journey and that we should have more conversations like that one... and he said yeah I enjoyed that conversation.
So I feel relief... relief that he went back, relief that I saw the side of him I like today, relief that he at least reailzes the needs to be sober to get his act together, and that even with the last week he still seems to want help.. He still has a long way to go and I know that anything can happen... but he conversation today felt real and honest.
TL