Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by PatriotsGirl, Apr 19, 2011.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Holidays are weird for me because difficult child has not been gone that long. She was home for Christmas (a month - long enough to rest up, get her loot and off she went again before Valentine's Day).

    Now we have Easter this weekend. We are not a religious family, so we really don't do anything for Easter. I usually get the kids a little something and we normally had an egg hunt.

    Now, difficult child is not living at home and my other child is almost 14. I did get them each a little something, still undecided on the egg hunt. To be honest, my heart just isn't in it this year...and I feel they are getting a bit old for it anyway....

    My trouble is, while I would like to tell difficult child she can come over to visit and have dinner, she is not allowed to stay the night. I am unsure I want to deal with that drama. If she was here and then told me she had nowhere to go and I had to tell her to hit the bricks on down the road. How do you handle these situations? I want to see her, but it may hurt more than anything else. Especially if she doesn't look good. I just don't know what to do. :(
  2. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    This is a tough one. If you think you can invite her over and stick to not letting her spend the night, then by all means do it. Just spell it out to her in advance so she knows the deal and you have to stand by what you tell her. If you don't think you can do that, then I would just let it go this year. Maybe if she isn't coming home you could go out for a nice lunch or dinner to make the day special in a different way, or go see a movie for fun.
  3. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Hi PG, This sort of situation is pretty familiar. Our rule was that difficult child was not invited to the house at all if she was out using, because we would not have her around easy child 1 in that state. One time she took off on Christmas day itself after opening presents - she had been home less than a month after rehab, and had preplanned for a guy she knew from there to pick her up. Said she was going to an NA meeting. I won't even try to describe how much it hurt us, especially easy child 1, when she didn't come back.

    It is different in your case since your dtr has no child there but in my opinion it would be very stressful to have her in for just a few hours knowing that she was going back out into the same situation.

    So sorry you are having to live through this.
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    You know, I think you hit the nail on the head. It would probably be completely heartbreaking knowing she is going right back to a place with no electricity or food. I don't know if I could get through it, honestly. I was an emotional wreck all weekend because she told ne she hadn't eaten in days. I can only imagine how I would handle bringing her back to where she is staying and probably have her in my car crying not wanting to go back. Ugh.
  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Just invite her over for your Easter dinner regardless of whether you celebrate much. A dinner will at least insure she had a good meal that night without meaning, stay over for a while.
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Could you all go out for a nice Easter lunch? This way you could pick her up and go to a restaurant, then drop her back off where she is staying and she won't be at your house to ask to spend the night. Just a thought. I know going out for the holidays can be expensive, so I don't know if it's doable for you or not, but it might make it a little easier so you can see her, but not have her in the house.
  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    husband and I talked and we are going to invite her over for dinner with the understanding that she cannot spend the night here. Going out to dinner may be a really good option, though!

    She has a much more important crisis right now. She posted on Facebook this morning pleading for her friends to help find her dog. Apparently she lost her dog last night. I have no idea how and to be honest I am reluctant to find out. She will be completely devastated if she cannot find Sophia.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I like the going out to dinner option too. Good meal, family time and no way for her to spend the night.

    I hope she finds the dog.
  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I hope she finds her dog. I know when my son's cat was missing this past winter he was beside himself but she showed up like 3 weeks later.
  10. compassion

    compassion Member

    I have clear boundaries and try to have no expectations. I am having a simple dinner from 1-3. The kids say they want to help cook but i will be fine if that does not happen. I love Easter and will enjoy it irregardless.