Hi Wish--
I often read all the posts for inspiration and guidance, but don't post as much. I am also sorry to hear you are having issues. I am too, but minor "I'm getting older" things that are very surprising to me, such as waking up in the morning with a pain in my foot that I didn't have the day before. Just weird stuff. Take care of yourself and feel better.
My 23 year old son, soon to be 24, just left his 5th rehab again against the wishes of the facility. He is back in town, although due to previous lying, stealing, verbal abuse, etc., he can no longer stay in my home, so he is bouncing from couch to couch while he waits to get an interview in an Oxford House here in Tampa. He did start an IOP program, and as far as I know, he is sober and attending meetings. His problem is bipolar disorder type 2 and all the drug dependencies he has in an effort to stave off depression. I love him more than I love my own life, but I am working hard to establish boundaries and practice "detaching with love". I know he needs to learn consequences of his choices and I am allowing him to do that. I have come to the conclusion that my picking up after him and continuing to prop him up has only led to infantile behavior and I need to let him grow up, whether that means jail, or choosing to live on the street, or whatever else. I do continue to pay for his prescription medication for his emotional illness. That's it.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all the parents that are trying very hard to do the right thing for their adult children. May God hold our children in the palm of his hand. That is my wish for this holiday season.