SuZir
Well-Known Member
My difficult child has always been borderline difficult child, troublesome kid but not enough to meet any diagnose and not clearly special needs. He only came clear difficult child when he turned 17, became compulsive gambler and started stealing. So of course I think did I parent him wrong. Of course no use to cry over spilled milk, but it has made me more wary with my easy child.
One of difficult child's more bothersome characteristics even before gambling was his smugness, entitlement and arrogance. His crash and burn has helped with an attitude considerably but it is certainly not an experience I would want to my easy child, who is a good kid. Today I anyhow went totally off on him, because something he said really reminded me of difficult child's attitude. Now I'm wondering if I was too hard on him.
There we live kids under 15 can work very limitedly and even after that kids usually work only summers (we have very few kid suitable part-time jobs available and it is also considered that school is their work.) With this economy many companies are seriously limiting their summer intern programs. That brings college students to typical High School student summer job markets so anyone under 18 is seriously out of their luck when looking for summer jobs. Almost only way for them to get a summer job is that parents get them one through their connections. My husband's employer gives employees' kids some summer jobs. For younger ones they have four week landscaping job opportunities and husband got one of those for our easy child (yes, easy child made an application, had an interview etc. but it was a done deal even before that, they just pretend to recruit to teach kids the skills.) It will teach easy child a lot and start his CV and help him to find work next summer and summer after that and when he really has to try to compete internships, he will have a nice CV to show. So easy child is very lucky little boy to have that job. Collecting garbage, mowing lawns and tearing up weeds is of course not very glamorous job, but it is much more than most of his peers have.
Today I overheard him at the phone talking with a friend and complaining how it sucks that he has to work and all the others are on vacation and can hang out on the beach etc. How stupid his job and boss is and how stupid me and husband are for making him to apply for the job. On and on. I flipped. I have been very stressed because of difficult child on the last few days and it may have something to do with it, but I would have been angry anyway. I yelled at him about his attitude, how ungrateful and entitled brat he was behaving like etc. And grounded him for a week and told that I would seriously discuss with his dad on suspending his monthly allowance. easy child got teary and shouted on me why I was punishing him on something so small, when difficult child is being 'the bad kid' and that it is not fair that he is treated harshly because of difficult child and how he is not difficult child. Apparently part of it is, that he feels that he is compared to difficult child in his sport and because everyone in those circles knows what difficult child did and because it is considered so against 'the code' also easy child gets some heat because of it. But mostly it was that he thinks I was too hard on him because of difficult child.
Ugly fight all together and made me think, if easy child does have a point. Am I too harsh with him, because of difficult child? Or is he just being typical teen and not liking to be called on his bad attitude and trying to shift my attention? What are your experiences on parenting PCs along with difficult children?
One of difficult child's more bothersome characteristics even before gambling was his smugness, entitlement and arrogance. His crash and burn has helped with an attitude considerably but it is certainly not an experience I would want to my easy child, who is a good kid. Today I anyhow went totally off on him, because something he said really reminded me of difficult child's attitude. Now I'm wondering if I was too hard on him.
There we live kids under 15 can work very limitedly and even after that kids usually work only summers (we have very few kid suitable part-time jobs available and it is also considered that school is their work.) With this economy many companies are seriously limiting their summer intern programs. That brings college students to typical High School student summer job markets so anyone under 18 is seriously out of their luck when looking for summer jobs. Almost only way for them to get a summer job is that parents get them one through their connections. My husband's employer gives employees' kids some summer jobs. For younger ones they have four week landscaping job opportunities and husband got one of those for our easy child (yes, easy child made an application, had an interview etc. but it was a done deal even before that, they just pretend to recruit to teach kids the skills.) It will teach easy child a lot and start his CV and help him to find work next summer and summer after that and when he really has to try to compete internships, he will have a nice CV to show. So easy child is very lucky little boy to have that job. Collecting garbage, mowing lawns and tearing up weeds is of course not very glamorous job, but it is much more than most of his peers have.
Today I overheard him at the phone talking with a friend and complaining how it sucks that he has to work and all the others are on vacation and can hang out on the beach etc. How stupid his job and boss is and how stupid me and husband are for making him to apply for the job. On and on. I flipped. I have been very stressed because of difficult child on the last few days and it may have something to do with it, but I would have been angry anyway. I yelled at him about his attitude, how ungrateful and entitled brat he was behaving like etc. And grounded him for a week and told that I would seriously discuss with his dad on suspending his monthly allowance. easy child got teary and shouted on me why I was punishing him on something so small, when difficult child is being 'the bad kid' and that it is not fair that he is treated harshly because of difficult child and how he is not difficult child. Apparently part of it is, that he feels that he is compared to difficult child in his sport and because everyone in those circles knows what difficult child did and because it is considered so against 'the code' also easy child gets some heat because of it. But mostly it was that he thinks I was too hard on him because of difficult child.
Ugly fight all together and made me think, if easy child does have a point. Am I too harsh with him, because of difficult child? Or is he just being typical teen and not liking to be called on his bad attitude and trying to shift my attention? What are your experiences on parenting PCs along with difficult children?