I've been in counseling due to my husband, difficult child and my own "down" moods for about 4 mo's. Part of it was anger and anxiety due to difficult child--you know how you dread the weekends when they're all home? And then husband would go out of town and leave us and that made me resentful, and then when I'd finally get time to myself, I'd be too frazzled to do my own work and it would just sit. The counselor said it was situation induced depression, or some such phrase, that indicated it was caused by something(several things) rather than something physiological or innate. Anyway, I can't recall what prompted it, but I finally told husband about the counseling and you know what he did? He got all angry and then teary eyed. I was hoping he'd say, "I'm so sorry you're going through this, what can I do to help?" But said, "So, you didn't trust me enough to tell me. Blah blah." Just like my mother used to do. It suddenly became all about him and his needs. I told him, "That is exactly why I didn't tell you. These were my issues--and you made it clear that you thought difficult child and I had our own issues--so I went to take care of my needs and get some instruction and tools." "Now I feel like a failure." "You're not a professional psychologist." "I know that but ... I can't believe you didn't tell me." He got very whiny and personalized everything, and I got upset and said, "This isn't about you. I was hoping you'd support me." Then he got angry and said that's why he doesn't like to say anything to me because it's always the wrong thing. I told him that was definitely the wrong thing, and he could easily learn to simply say, "How can I help?" but he got even angrier and clammed up and it turned into an argument. He is always high on caffeine and spins around like a top. I told him that, and that it makes me nervous. For awhile, he slowed down his speech and waited for me to indicate I could talk (I wasn't holding a kettle of boiling water for dinner and couldn't stop to talk at that exact moment) but now he's back to his normal pattern. It exhausts me to be around him. We went to counseling yrs ago for marriage issues. He changes for 6 wks and then backslides, so over 28 yrs, nothing has changed. He's still a workaholic. He was raised to think you provide the $ and house and that's all you have to do. It's not like he hasn't been "taught" or that we haven't done role playing. The counselor said to build myself an invisible plexiglass wall so that his neediness and excitement, and difficult child's anger don't get under my skin. Just let it bounce off. Easier said than done! But I'm a visual person, so sometimes I can really pretend there's a plexi wall there and it really does help ... sort of like watching TV. She also said I should stay calm and and hold my ground, by repling, "That is your opinion. I disagree." No extended conversation, just a simple statement. She told me I need to be more assertive when it comes to our schedules and try to rein husband in when he comes home with-a list of outside activities. (Actually, when he gets umpteen gazillion political invitations in the mail, I sometimes accidentally make them disappear, and then find out he's gotten duplicate mailings at his office.) She has lots of other ideas which are very good, but they are, of course, hard work and take practice, as you all know, since most of you have been through it. Anyway, my main thing is, what would you want your husband to say if you told him you'd been going to counseling?