Pam, this becomes Basket B (if he can learn - he may not be able to take it on board yet). In other words, when he is calmer, you sit and talk through the logic of it. Simply say to him,"Let's talk about that problem yesterday. How did you feel?" Now, that can be a dangerous question because it can reawaken his anger. But you need him in touch with his feelings a little. Then ask him, "Let's look at my actions in this. If I had been choosing to make you angry, can you think of ways I could have been more successful? What sort of things could I have done, to make you angry?"
Try to have some possibilities already lined up, some silly ones too. For example, you could have chosen to fire water pistols at him and his game system 9which could have risked fusing it and totally wrecking it).
Next question - "Why would I choose to make you angry? I don't like it when you are angry, it makes me sad and upset too. Can you think of any reason why I would choose to upset you?"
Then if you have been able to get across that you would not choose to make him angry, and even if you did, you would choose more effective methods, you spread it out before him. "So I would not choose to make you angry. If I were going to try to upset you, I could find more effective ways that could keep you angrier for a lot longer, and give me a lot more of what I want - you not playing games so much. So can you now see that it really was an accident?"
Next step - "What can we put in place, to help us avoid this problem in the future?"
There are two problems to avoid - first, the problem of difficult child believing everything is designed deliberately. Second, the problem of how to avoid the game crashing when a fax needs to be sent. You can say, "Now we have discovered, albeit painfully, that sending a fax will clash with your online play. What should we do, next time I have an urgent fax to send? What can we agree on together, now?"
Involving him as much as possible gives him some sense of control in the situation, without actually giving him total control. He becomes an equal collaborator which, given the importance of his gaming to him, is showing him respect for his activities and, hopefully, modelling this respect for him. These kids learn by imitation. How you treat him sets the pattern for how he treats you. For example, if at some time in the past you (or someone else) took the attitude with him that he has chosen to misbehave deliberately to cause you distress, than that could explain why he is now choosing to see your actions as deliberately upsetting him.
The method suggested should dovetail neatly with the professional therapy. Next session, tell the therapist of the incident and any subsequent conversation. by the way, what I suggested has nothing to do with discipline. It is planning strategy, nothing more. Whatever difficult child says to you, however angrily he speaks, do not punish or get angry back. If he gets too angry, stop the process. But you want him to think, at least for that moment.
As I said before, he may not be ready for this. But it is the way to go forward, when he is ready.
Marg