Have no idea if I need:
- a swift kick in the seat of the pants
- to be shipped off to some other planet as an unfixable human
- two weeks of uninterrupted sleep
All three?
Ditto what Malika said.
Your first priority needs to be meeting your own needs. No one else can meet your needs and you can't effectively care for others when your needs are being ignored. It took me a very long time to realize that. I had heard it a million times, "Take care of you first" but always felt pulled in so many other directions that there was little time left to care for me first. And often, that is the case - it's a reality.
However, just like scheduling an appointment in your date book, you need to schedule "IC time" to rejuvenate, recharge your batteries.
I realized, quite by accident, that my H likes when I need his help. Not in the "can you fix that squeaky door" way, but if I need his support or call on him to take over when I am just unable. It wasn't until the later years of difficult child's BS that I threw up my hands and just said, "Can you please handle this?" and then leave the room, go for a drive alone or lie down for a power nap with my white noise sound machine at full blast to drown everyone/everything out. This natural occurrence actually helped mine and H's relationship a bit because he felt needed and was contributing more into the parenting end of things. It made me appreciate him more as well in that regard instead of me shouldering all the parenting. It's exhausting and I hadn't realized just how much I was leaving him out in the parenting department.
The house? Can you splurge and have a cleaning crew come in once a quarter and do the deep cleaning stuff (cobwebs, scrubbing, etc), making the weekly and monthly stuff not feel so overwhelming. If you call some cleaning companies, many of them have introductory specials, spring cleaning type of specials. Or, alternatively, call every one out for weekend cleaning spree. Even little ones can do some cleaning. Buy a box of HUGE garbage bags and do a clean out - toss anything that hasn't been used or played with in the last 9 months. Buy some cheap bins at the dollar store and put other things into storage to declutter. If your house is less cluttered, it makes daily living easier and helps create an atmosphere of calm. And then, make a chart up for daily, weekly, monthly chores that need to be done and assign those jobs so you're not carrying the whole burden of maintenance. easy child is my bathroom girl, H takes care of the outdoors (shoveling snow, raking, cleanup in the yard, etc) and garbage. We all do our own laundry, but I do the household laundry as well and clean the house. I often ask H to help me, but I prefer to do things my way so I happily take on more of the inner household stuff.
Do you have the resources (family or money) to get away to a hotel one night a month? Just to be responsibility free and sleep in, etc.? Can you have family or friends take the kids for a night for some alone time? Maybe you could start a cooperative situation with a neighbor or friend or family member to get that time alone.
You have to keep in mind that everything will not work its way out all at once. You need to get a plan together and make it happen. That doesn't mean you won't falter along the way or slip back into a period of feeling overwhelmed but you may feel better as you gain more control over these issues. Perhaps making a list of most important to least important, make a list of age appropriate chores for the kiddos, schedule YOU time and then do it! Bring H on board, supporting one another is a relationship builder.
Hugs and you don't need to be 'fixed' - you're perfect as you are, just exhausted.
, what time do you go to bed?
