Jlady, so sorry it's so frustrating. It should be something that makes you feel better. Something that is validating. I think that's why the therapist is acting like a cheerleader. I've gone to therapy and have loved the cheerleading part, because sometimes that's the only person who 1) will sit and listen to all the &%%##$%, 2) can encapsulate it into 25 words or less to help me clarify, and 3) support me when I feel like I am in this stuff all alone.
Obviously, it is just one more chore for you.
Find another therapist, or write down your specific goals. I'm a big one for making lists. I also love to read, so if the therapist recommends a book, I'm off to order it immediately.
I'm sorry you feel like you have to defend yourself. The therapist may ask you why you did something, but it is supposed to help the therapist clarify the activities that took place, as well as get you to think about what happened, and to put things into perspective.
The therapist isn't berating you, is she? Or is it more like, "Why did you do that, when just last week you told me you weren't going to do that?"
They're supposed to help you stay on task.
Good luck!