BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Jena, I'm also one who tries to fix everybody and when I go into that mode...I get progressively more useless, although I'm trying hard to be helpful to everybody. I get so wound up that I practically get brain freeze and don't know what I'm doing and just can't do it anymore...so I have no choice but to take a break and let others take care of themselves or force husband to pitch in by not trying so hard anymore.
You can not possibly fix all of these people. You can not be a lay therapist to husband, easy child, and difficult child at the same time. You can not handle all of this without stressing yourself out so badly that you probably won't even make good choices anymore. Now I'm not you, so I'm not SURE you can't handle this, but I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. When I have ONE child upset, it takes up all my time. If I had to psychoanalyze three people at once and try to fix their mental health problems (without a degree) at one time, I couldn't do it. A few times I just lost it and got into my car and drove away, not sure where I was going, but not sure I wanted to go back. Of course, I did. When I got back, the house was quiet. Hub was done feeling sorry for himself. Daughter was sweet as pie. Son was helpful. And I saw that all of them could survive at least for short periods of time without my constant focus on them. The little drives were ME time in the middle of chaos. I stopped at the coffee shop and sat down. I read the newspaper to get my mind off my problems and see that there were other problems. I called a friend on my cell phone and there was no commotion in the background. Finally, I called husband and quietly asked him if it was time for me to come home yet....that I needed it to be peaceful, that I had feelings too, that I also had a breaking point.
If you have to spend all your time fixing everybody else, you probably will be less effective at it than if you forced others to take care of themselves. People tend to step up for themselves when they have to. At least husband and easy child probably can. You can not go on being all things to all people without taking good care of yourself as well. The first thing I'd do, if this were me is detach from husband's little tantrums. You don't need to be taking care of an adult. (((Hugs))). Hope things get better for you and I hope you understood what my post meant. It's still very early
You can not possibly fix all of these people. You can not be a lay therapist to husband, easy child, and difficult child at the same time. You can not handle all of this without stressing yourself out so badly that you probably won't even make good choices anymore. Now I'm not you, so I'm not SURE you can't handle this, but I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. When I have ONE child upset, it takes up all my time. If I had to psychoanalyze three people at once and try to fix their mental health problems (without a degree) at one time, I couldn't do it. A few times I just lost it and got into my car and drove away, not sure where I was going, but not sure I wanted to go back. Of course, I did. When I got back, the house was quiet. Hub was done feeling sorry for himself. Daughter was sweet as pie. Son was helpful. And I saw that all of them could survive at least for short periods of time without my constant focus on them. The little drives were ME time in the middle of chaos. I stopped at the coffee shop and sat down. I read the newspaper to get my mind off my problems and see that there were other problems. I called a friend on my cell phone and there was no commotion in the background. Finally, I called husband and quietly asked him if it was time for me to come home yet....that I needed it to be peaceful, that I had feelings too, that I also had a breaking point.
If you have to spend all your time fixing everybody else, you probably will be less effective at it than if you forced others to take care of themselves. People tend to step up for themselves when they have to. At least husband and easy child probably can. You can not go on being all things to all people without taking good care of yourself as well. The first thing I'd do, if this were me is detach from husband's little tantrums. You don't need to be taking care of an adult. (((Hugs))). Hope things get better for you and I hope you understood what my post meant. It's still very early