I just want to quit

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Woofens, Dec 3, 2008.

  1. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    I'm doing everything I've been told. We are trying to give difficult child J ways to channel his anger, ways to control his anxiety. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for him in Feb. I'm trying to get a referral for a neuropsychologist exam.

    I called the pediatrician today. Asked for a consult with one of the doctors. Explained why. The nurse calls back and says "she says he needs to see a psychiatrist." Well, DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I know that. We have an appointment, in Feb. We can't wait. We need help NOW. We need a neuropsychologist evaluation. We need to know what is going on with this kid.

    I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE I'm so tired of the constant fights, the rages, the violence. Maybe I should just give him to his dad. I know that isn't a good option, but I really can't keep doing this. I just can't. I feel like such a failure.

    We stripped his room on Friday, his 7th birthday. He bruised Moonwolf's ribs in the ensuing rage. He threw a matchbox car and barely missed easy child T yesterday.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. I cried on the phone to the dr office today. I'm having a baby in 7 months, I can't keep myself and the kids I have NOW safe.

    Sorry this really doesn't make much sense. The past week has been total horror. His case manager comes tomorrow. I'm gonna ask her what our options are now. I don't want him to live away from me, I just don't see how I am doing anyone any good keeping him here. I am just so lost and confused. I don't have any idea where to turn, what to do next. I'm heartbroken :faint:

    Jan
     
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Next time he starts a rage, take him to the nearest ER. Tell them you need help NOW!!!!
     
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Jan, I'm so sorry.

    Here is a link for help in Ohio:

    www.namiohio.org

    Hang in there. I'll be holding a positive thought for your family.
     
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh, gosh I'm so sorry you are going through this. You can't wait until Feb.- that's just unreasonable. I think I'd try calling a crisis center- maybe they can get you in with someone sooner. Also, maybe try a referral service- tell them it's an emergency. If that doesn't work, you could stretch things maybe a little and get him in a psychiatric hospital- as a last resort. Don't give up- hang in there!!
     
  5. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Jan,

    I am so sorry you are going through this. I, as well as most of us can relate to the frustration and exhaustion you are feeling. It just never ends!! Do you have a "Crisis Intervention Team" in your area? If so, the next time he goes into a rage call them!!! They will come out to your house and evaluate him right then and there. Make it seem as bad as you can, tell them you are afraid for your safety as well as the other children in the house. One time I actually lied and told them my daughter threatened to kill me. If they deem it an emergency they will bring him to the hospital and have him admitted. You can also bring him to the nearest ER on your own, but I have found it much easier to get an impatient stay when "The Team" is involved.

    I know how hard this is first hand. I am going through hell right now. My daughter punched me in the face on Sat and then took off. I haven't seen her since. The heartbreak we suffer is unbelievable. The daily life is absolutely exhausting, it drains the life right out of you.

    Hang in there. {{{HUGS}}} God bless. :)
     
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm so sorry to hear you are going through this as well. I agree with Andy on that one. If you brought him into an er while raging wouldnt' they medicate and then order testing?? the others would know more about that than i would.

    i agree though you need to keep the rest of you ok.


    (((((hugs)))))
     
  7. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Thanks Andy, SM and KLMNO.

    We did a psychiatric hospital stay in Oct. Didn't make a difference at all. If he goes back, the insurance won't pay. They are refusing to pay for the last 2 days of his first stay, because he didn't have any rages or violent episodes at the psychiatric hospital, they say that we could have dealt with this at home or by putting him in foster care. (That is exactly what the denial letter says). If we go to the ER, it is back in the psychiatric hospital :(

    Smallworld, thanks for the links. I am calling the NAMI helpline in the AM as soon as the kids go to school. The other link you gave me, they are all around 3 hours or more away from us, but some emails and/or phone calls can't hurt.

    He is asleep now, didn't do his homework. I have an IAT meeting for him tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully the teacher won't come down too hard on him for the missing homework.

    I know that being pregnant and emotional isn't helping, but I am worried about the safety of all of us, easy child's, me, Moonwolf and Moe, and of course, the unborn baby. My biggest fear is that he will will kick or hit me in the belly. I really hope the CM can offer some insight tomorrow.

    hugs,
    Jan
     
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Jan,

    Nami is a great organization, i've dealt with them. I hope they give you some assistance. their really awesome there.

    i hope you get some sleep tonight.
     
  9. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    Bran and Jennifer,

    You both posted while I was typing. I'll ask the CM tomorrow about the Crisis team.

    I cannot take him to the ER in a rage. I can't overpower him when he is raging. I would have to call 911 and get the police and e-squad involved.

    Bran, I have been reading your threads, and my heart breaks for you. I'm so afraid that something like that will happen with difficult child if we don't get this under control NOW. I just feel like I'm beating my head against a brick wall.

    Hanging on by my fingernails......
    Hugs,
    Jan
     
  10. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    yes they do need to be called if it's that bad, it's time sweetie, I never thought I'd have the strength to do it, but I did, more then once.

    <<<HUGS and Prayers>>>>
     
  11. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    Do you have him in swimming pools? Running? What worked for me was LOTS of out door time running around. DAily. A fully exurtive long play. Up hill is ideal. Honestly.
    Hot tubs. Get a massage therapist for him. Find someone who is honestly a massage therapist to give him massage...a series.
    Also I read to my ADHD son FOR HOURS daily. Books on tape are another way and a rice table or clay station so he can stay busy. Big sand box.
    I use to put my son in a blow up pool in the kitche when he was little. I used that and a bath. I found that going from hard physical play to a meal then a bath and then a long read was what worked.
    It is exhausting. I have yards of grey hair to prove it is stressfull.
    YOU CAN DO IT. Find someone who can help you regularly.
    I know how frazzled I have been (am)...this is the miracle. Mothers do not streatch to the edge of the universe but we are streached beyond our wildest imaginations. Use directive language as much as you can. Praise as often as you can muster a glimse of possitive behavor.
    Praise yourself.
     
  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Hon, I'm right there with ya.

    Prayers and hugs.
     
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Hang in there and keep bugging people, in a nice way! Are you on a cancellation list for the psychiatrist? If not call back and let them know you are very worried and the violence is getting worse. You would like to be called if there is cancellation if possible, you will take anything.

    DBSA.com
    sometimes can help as well with suggestions. CHADD also with doctors and support.
     
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Jan...many hugs. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this on top of the pregnancy.
     
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending gentle hugs. You have very realistic fears for your baby if you can't keep even the adults in the house safe. Keep going to the pediatrician. INSIST on taking him in, even if you have to just show up and sit in the waiting room until he has a rage and the staff SEE what is going on. I have done that, and while the pediatrician did NOT like it, she DID see that we needed IMMEDIATE services.

    And, honestly, if his rages are so bad he can't be transported, the calling 911 is NOT optional. It is your JOB to protect everyone from him - even if it means psychiatric hospital stays until he finally looses it in front of them. Keep being as squeaky a wheel as you can until someone helps.

    It may actually be time to have him placed in therapeautic foster care or a group home for people with disabilities. I KNOW you don't want to consider this. But what is worse: having him placed soemwhere where he may get help or having him live with-you with no one willing to help and him repeatedly hurting all of you and possibly SERIOUSLY hurting you or the new baby or one of the other family members?

    If all the adults in the house can't handle him, then he probably needs far more intense services. I am sorry. I KNOW how hard it is. But do you want to sacrifice everyone in the house to his moods and rages and violence?
     
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, Woofens, I am so sorry.
    I was typing in a reply last night, but difficult child walked up and wanted to cuddle (he actually wants a shoulder massage and to have his back scratched, our home version of brushing) and he so seldom asks me any more, I hated to lose the opportunity.
    More often, it's like you are describing in your note.
    I feel for you.
    Sometimes it's like a treadmill you can't get off.
    I don't know if you can get away for a day or two, but it makes a huge difference for me. Being subjected to that, day after day, would wear down Superman. :(
     
  17. Wishing

    Wishing New Member

    Ohio has a Waiver program. I don't know what his diagnosis is but I do know for children that have an autism spectrum diagnosis they can have extrahelp like a nurse's aide or a nurse depending on the degree of difficulty come into the home for at least 3 hours a day for 4 days a week. I* would call the public health department or a nursing health agency to see if you qualify. It means your income is waived-waiver program.
     
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