i need help:(

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by disappointed mom, May 9, 2015.

  1. disappointed mom

    disappointed mom New Member

    :(I moved to United States four years ago with my two daughters 21 and25.they were a honor student, hard worker and artistic. my problem started when they got boyfriend .my younger daughter boyfrieds .her boyfriend stayed7 monthes in my house because i have told that he have a bad family.i prpvide everything for them and asked him to use this situation finish his study and find a job and save some money.he didn't work and I found out that he' is a smoker .he said its because of her health problem.he couldnt sleep at night(probably because he was Sleeping too much at the day time he didn't care so I kick him out then I find out that my daughter smokes .i cut all my support.she promiss me to quit .but she didn't.she it feels good and called me close minded also asked me to do some research to see weed not bad as i think .its a herbal and would be legalize next year .she thinks she Americanized.everybody who know my story asked me to kick her out .but i want to help her to be clean .its not the right wsy to live.they are part of mybody .i would appreciate if you give ma some idea.rhanks
  2. msangel53

    msangel53 New Member

    :mothers_day::angel2:I don't think I would kick her out for smoking weed, but she could move on to harder drugs, I would encourage her to get help, counsling , outpatient rehabs, aa meetings or na meetings..:notalone::group-hug:
  3. disappointed mom

    disappointed mom New Member

    The problem is She dosnt want to quit.
  4. msangel53

    msangel53 New Member

    :angel:well if she does not want to quit, jus don't enable her by giving her money., and PRAY for her, I have 2 addict sons, one is on Herion and the other is on anything he can get his hands on, and he is about to be homeless come tomarrow along with his girl friend and he threatens suicide everyday, all I can do is Pray for them and give it to GOD:angel::staystrong:
  5. Nature

    Nature Active Member

    I'm sorry you are having to go through this. As hard as it is, sometimes you have to be stronger and tough in order to help them. I know that compared to other drugs out there weed doesn't seem as bad but if she is doing it in your home without your permission then you have two choices - to accept it or give her an ultimatum - that she needs to move or accept the house rules. You will probably find that many use the words "enable" and that is the key. The easier it is for someone to do as they please then the other people "enable them" by doing nothing. I pray for you and your daughter and I hope that you find the support you need. I'll be thinking of you.
  6. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Disappointed Mom, welcome to the forum. We are glad you are here, and you will receive lots of ideas and support. In all of the ideas, take what you like and leave the rest, in other words, do what works for you.

    My thoughts: I don't like marijuana. I know it's legal in many states now, but I still don't like it. A lot of people, including my own son, can't smoke marijuana socially because he doesn't know when to stop. With any type of substance. I hear people talk about how marijuana makes people demotivated and lazy and slowly they stop taking care of their responsibilities and their lives get worse and worse. Is this the case with your daughter?

    Something that is clear to me today: My house, my rules. If my children want to do things I don't agree with or approve of, they will have to do it somewhere else rather than my own house. I know when kids are underage (mine are now grown), it's not nearly as clear. What can you do if you set rules and then they break them? For most kids, taking away privileges and curtailing freedoms works. For others---like my son as a teen---those things didn't work.

    If your daughter is over 18, and she is doing things in your home that are illegal and/or you don't approve of, that would be a deal breaker for me, in terms of her living there.

    You are the only one who knows your situation so please take my thoughts as suggestions or things to think about. Please keep sharing, we are here for you.