gcvmom
Here we go again!
My difficult child 1 has really been having some trouble with personal boundaries and impulse control lately, and I'm not sure what to make of all this.
I wrote a short time ago about his taking my bra and underwear several times over the course of a week or two, based on the funny behaviors I observed during that time but didn't really know what was going on until his dad finally caught him wearing it under his clothes. (Hasn't done this again since getting caught as far as I can tell). I haven't addressed this and wanted to see if it would continue.
Before that, he took my cell phone to school without permission (he doesn't have his own and really wants one, but is clearly not ready for this responsibility). Drove me nuts not knowing where it was that day. He lost his Gameboy priviledges for that.
He downloaded some games onto my phone and accessed the internet with it -- all without my knowledge until I noticed my phone bill was $40 higher this month and then figured out what happened. Needless to say, I made him pay for the charges (he still had some birthday money and he gets an allowance of $1 per year of age every month.)
He got on my computer and played games until 2am one night -- so I set up a password to restrict his access. His dad thought he was ready for a TV in his room (against my wishes), and I caught him up watching cartoons at 1am on a school night! I unplugged the TV and took it out of his room that very minute.
He takes things of his brother's without permission -- games, mostly, but I caught him one day sneaking out of his brother's room with a handful of coins. We talk and talk and talk about how that's not right or fair. About how important TRUST is to have, and how tough it is to get that back once you break it with someone.
This morning, he tried interrupting me several times during a phone call (despite my repeated asking him to stop) to ask for money for his school book fair today (hadn't told me about it until today), and even went so far as to stick a note in my face while I was trying to finish up the call. When I hung up I said that since he was so rude I was not going to give him the money today and that he'd have to wait until tomorrow. Later today, I found out he took money from my wallet anyway to buy the book he wanted (he started out telling me about it in a round-about, half-truth way: I saved money from my lunch the last two days to buy the book, it only cost a dollar, well it actually cost about nine dollars, well, I actually took the money from your wallet). He tried to justify by saying he wanted to buy it for his brother's birthday (which is this weekend), it's a book his brother would really like (and he'd like it too) and he got the last one they had, blah, blah, blah. I told him he has to pay back the money, and that I was REALLY upset and disappointed that he would STEAL from me, and then try to LIE about it.
Thinking back, all of these behaviors were at least initiated in the mornings or evenings when his medications either haven't kicked in or have worn off. Most of the time he is remorseful and apologetic -- says he doesn't know why he did it, or sometimes he will defend or explain away his behaviors as if they are somehow justified. How much of this is the ADHD/impulse control, how much is normal teenage stuff, and how much is more serious in nature that should be dealt with in a clinical setting?
Thanks in advance for the feedback!
I wrote a short time ago about his taking my bra and underwear several times over the course of a week or two, based on the funny behaviors I observed during that time but didn't really know what was going on until his dad finally caught him wearing it under his clothes. (Hasn't done this again since getting caught as far as I can tell). I haven't addressed this and wanted to see if it would continue.
Before that, he took my cell phone to school without permission (he doesn't have his own and really wants one, but is clearly not ready for this responsibility). Drove me nuts not knowing where it was that day. He lost his Gameboy priviledges for that.
He downloaded some games onto my phone and accessed the internet with it -- all without my knowledge until I noticed my phone bill was $40 higher this month and then figured out what happened. Needless to say, I made him pay for the charges (he still had some birthday money and he gets an allowance of $1 per year of age every month.)
He got on my computer and played games until 2am one night -- so I set up a password to restrict his access. His dad thought he was ready for a TV in his room (against my wishes), and I caught him up watching cartoons at 1am on a school night! I unplugged the TV and took it out of his room that very minute.
He takes things of his brother's without permission -- games, mostly, but I caught him one day sneaking out of his brother's room with a handful of coins. We talk and talk and talk about how that's not right or fair. About how important TRUST is to have, and how tough it is to get that back once you break it with someone.
This morning, he tried interrupting me several times during a phone call (despite my repeated asking him to stop) to ask for money for his school book fair today (hadn't told me about it until today), and even went so far as to stick a note in my face while I was trying to finish up the call. When I hung up I said that since he was so rude I was not going to give him the money today and that he'd have to wait until tomorrow. Later today, I found out he took money from my wallet anyway to buy the book he wanted (he started out telling me about it in a round-about, half-truth way: I saved money from my lunch the last two days to buy the book, it only cost a dollar, well it actually cost about nine dollars, well, I actually took the money from your wallet). He tried to justify by saying he wanted to buy it for his brother's birthday (which is this weekend), it's a book his brother would really like (and he'd like it too) and he got the last one they had, blah, blah, blah. I told him he has to pay back the money, and that I was REALLY upset and disappointed that he would STEAL from me, and then try to LIE about it.
Thinking back, all of these behaviors were at least initiated in the mornings or evenings when his medications either haven't kicked in or have worn off. Most of the time he is remorseful and apologetic -- says he doesn't know why he did it, or sometimes he will defend or explain away his behaviors as if they are somehow justified. How much of this is the ADHD/impulse control, how much is normal teenage stuff, and how much is more serious in nature that should be dealt with in a clinical setting?
Thanks in advance for the feedback!