in a stupor (again)

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by amazeofgrace, Sep 14, 2008.

  1. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    I know the "whoah is me's" are coming back. Sigh..... sigh..... sorry playing my violin on Sunday:restless:
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2008
  2. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Hey girl

    Don't even go there at this point. Trust it will all happen in due time. You are still young............let the difficult children get past their troublesome points........and there will be prince charming:D
  3. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    sorry for my "stinkin thinkin" I am trying to climb out of this pity pit.
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2008
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Even if your prince never arrives your life is far from done. There is a whole world out there post children and marriage to explore. Start making a list of all you want to do once you are able. Start a small fund---$1 a day to make it possible. Start looking into book clubs, civic clubs, events that interest you. One day it will be possible to "live" again, and girl, you want to be ready!!!!
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Hey totally understand........

    We are all there, in one way or another. I was admiring a man's, um, backside today as he was driving his motorcycle - and then I thought - yea, right. Let's just get all these other things in check in your life..........and then, maybe, you can lust after that man. :redface:

    It comes and it goes. Sometimes I just want to be wrapped up in a man's arms 24/7 and then, thankfully most of the time lately, I remember that is just a dream, a fantasy. There are few men willing to take on the challenges of a difficult child, or a woman that has raised one. It will take time, diligence, and patience to find that person.

    I don't know where that leaves you and me........but I get the violin playing. In fact, there are days, I have a cello.
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Amaze - You are a special person. You do not need anyone to define who you are. You find your interests - what will make you happy just being you? You know that some people who have a connection to a special someone do not have much time for themselves. You go out and do those volunteer projects you may have wanted to get involved in, take some community or college courses just for fun (it is cool when everyone else is taking the class for career reasons and you are only there for fun. been there done that), find a hobby. Be happy being you and your Prince Charming will come through if it is meant to be. The true Prince Charmings are looking for Princesses who are happy and go after their dreams (just don't let them know that they are one of your dreams). Go have fun!
  7. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    well being Josh Holloway is married, I guess I am going to be going it alone, but I know I will keep busy, it's just difficult child's really do keep me from even trying to do many things. At least I am going to school for me, and this week the teacher showed uP!
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2008
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Wasted WHAT?????? OH NOW COME ON -

    In that 16 years - YOU created 2 beautiful boys - albeit their attitudes are a little damaged - but you were supposed to have a help-mate and instead got an inmate.

    And.....if you really feel that you wasted your life - then here's the GOOD PART. You're ONLY 36. If you live to be 80 - not even 1/2 of your life is gone - SO GET BUSY - find a what you can to kick your own arse into gear.

    (hard I know)

    but can be a doobie too! (you are too young to remember ROmper room)

    As far as seeing couples - heres a question I want you to sit and think about -

    When you were MARRIED (it was not good) right? Mostly -

    So when you HAD a man - did you look longingly at other couples and think -ahhhhhhh I wish I had that. ANd you know what? ALL THOSE OTHER people you see in the grocery and out have problems too. Some worse than yours - maybe it was just "their day" to get along - and you happened by like a Kodak camera. Fast forward to their home a week from now - and she's dressed like trailer trash Barbie and he's tellin her despite her 20 lbs weight loss she's a fat hog, and they have no money and he hates his life, and etc.....

    Don't ever wish for someone elses life - because you get someone elses problems. Wish for your own life to be the best it can and then ask yourself WHO in the world is going to do that for you? um.......ONLY YOU. And maybe your MOm and dad on occasion by taking you to Ryans and buying the family the buffett so you get out of dinner and cleaning.

    YOU CAN DO IT............I WILL HELP =

    And as far as where x is - he's where he needs to be.

    I'm sorry you are not.

  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Yay, Star. You said it well.

    Life is over at 36? Because you're finally out from under the thumb of a man who made your life a misery and made a slave of you? No, darling, your life is just beginning.

    YOu have been with this man all your adult life, but you stopped developing, stopped growing the moment you hooked up with him. Now is the time to enjoy the last of your childhood and adolescence, without anyone interfering.

    Yes, you have two children, but how old are they now? How long before they are legally adults?

    I remember Jane Seymour from days of old (see, I'm a lot older than 36). She had two children, I remember one was called Katie and had lovely red hair. I had a daughter about the same age with the same sort of curls, I remember. And where is my daughter now? She's grown up, moved away years ago, still calls now and then, stayed overnight on the weekend while we looked at wedding dress shops, but she is living her own life. She is an adult who relates to me as an adult.

    My other kids - I had difficult child 3 late. He is now 14. He needs me a lot less, but husband & I are resigned to him always being around. However, we have a lot more freedom now than even a year ago. If I have a doctor's appointment now, I can go by myself and not worry about difficult child 3 while I'm away. Fourteen years ago, difficult child 3 was a real handful. Twelve years ago he was a handful - a big one. Now I can sit back and know that soon, the workload will be even easier.

    OK, my kids will always need me in some way or other, but they are moving away from me now.

    I've told you about my oldest sister and her abusive husband (who is still living in her town). She threw him out, but began to regret it as she saw him remarry, still get on with his daughters at least, she watched while he had a happy family life and a partner and really resented being single. When she threw him out she was over 50. They had just had their 25th wedding anniversary. They never got to 26. And at 50, after spending years keeping his house, raising his five kids, paying his bills (which turned out to include bills he spent on his mistresses) she had had enough.

    But what could she do? She got back to work, also got involved in her local church and other volunteer work, she was there for our parents as they got old and frail, she watched as her children left the nest and became independent. She had two difficult children in there which worried her a lot, but they were of an age where all she COULD do was worry - and be there to mind the grandchildren who occasionally visited, children born to a series of different women who came to love my sister.

    She finally found another man, through her volunteer work. Neither of them was looking for someone else. She had given up looking and was resigned to being miserable and lonely. He isn't someone I would have chosen, but he makes her happy and for that, I am very grateful to him. He loves her, he cherishes her and will go out of his way to keep her from any more pain.

    In between, my sister was lonely and unhappy, but she used the time to fill her life. The main reason she was so lonely - because her first husband had so thoroughly convinced her she would be nothing without him, and that even WITH him she was barely tolerable. There are times when her self-esteem still beats her up.

    She filled her life, as it emptied with the kids' increasing independence. She went back to her art, she discovered her talent for compassion for others and became a grief counsellor. She worked her way up the promotion ladder at work and became invaluable to her employer.

    And one of the best things - once she had thrown her ex out, old friends who had kept their distance came back. She had friends again, who stood by her through the increasing humiliations of his outrageous behaviour in the small country town where they live. But because she was so thoroughly separated from him, nothing he did ever made an impact on her reputation. Not any more.

    My sister had ten more years' being downtrodden than you have endured. Plus, she was 50 when she had to start again. She has just turned 70 this year and had a blast at her birthday - inside her head, she is no older than she was when she was 25. She barely looks 50. But in so many other ways, she is younger and more carefree than I have ever seen her before. Incredibly busy, but loving every minute of it.

    When we visited her last month, I wandered into the church building during the weekend fair my sister helped organise. Nobody knew me - I was just one more stranger. I looked around the murals on the wall and a woman who was serving coffee said, "Oh, you're admiring the art work? They're done by a lady at this church. She's a wonderful lady, she does so much - and so talented! I don't know what we'd do without her." I got a fifteen-minute saga on how much my sister does, then my sister walked in, and the lady turned to introduce me. The look on the lady's face told me more than anything she had said in the previous fifteen minutes.

    If my sister had never thrown her husband out, none of that would have been possible. (He never liked her being involved in the church or the community - someone might tip her off to his affairs.) And the enjoyment my sister is getting out of life, that I could see so clearly on her face - would not be there.

    In that 25 years, she learned a lot too. It was not wasted. She learned a lot about human nature, about diplomacy, about how people can take advantage of you. She became a Warrior Mum, then a Warrior Grandma. Then she became a warrior, in general - using all the skills she had learned both during those 25 years, and after.

    Amaze, birth is a painful process for the mother and the baby. Right now, you are going through a re-birth - and it is painful. The baby doesn't know, nor can fully appreciate, just what amazing adventures lie ahead in what we call Life. But soon, that baby will be so busy living, that there won't be time to be afraid or in pain. Not for long - too much adventure.

    You're going to be sad at times, feeling disheartened at times. That is natural. You're entitled. But there is so much more, and you're only on the brink. Find yourself, find your own footing and be kind to yourself.

    it's about time someone was.

  10. Star*

    Star* call 911


    READY? (clap, clap) nod -OKAY

    THE PLACE YOU NEED TO BE (ugh-pivot hips forward, gyrate 360)

    YOU CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT GIRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlllllll(swoosh pom pons up by boobs)
    YOU CAN DO IT, PUT YOUR MIND TO IT, (one hand bent on hip one hand pointing to brain) wink....SO GLAD YOU'RE IN OUR WORLD.

    (squad goes crazy, random jumping, shaking pom pons)

    GOooooooooooooo AMAZE -

    Cheer squad leaves....but one princess left behind - (SOMEONE...SOMEONE GET ME A GATORADE) fans hands as if that shall cool me off.....HELLOoooo (valley girl tone) SOMEONE IS SUPPOSED TO GET MY GATORADe......I'm A PRINCESS.....I just did a cheer........I'm improving someones life - HELLOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo. Stomps off, gets OWN gatorade angry that no one is waiting on me hand and foot. SHEEZ.
  11. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    I remember the magic mirror!!!!


    Star you're my cheero!:cheerleader:

    You gals are the best, I wish we all could just have a cup of coffee at the shop around the corner together!:coffee:
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Amaze...after Useless Boy and I divorced, I swore I would never never never get married again. I put my energy into going back to school for my credential, bought my house, found a job I really enjoyed, started a singles group at church because it was just too much like Noah's Ark, everybody two by two, hung out with my new girlfriends from church, took line dancing lessons, and just generally had a good time. Then, out of the blue...enter Hubby. We went to high school together, but I hadn't seen him in 20 years. We were married 5 months later, and that was 8 years ago.

    My point things that you want to do, that you find fun and interesting. Make a whole bunch of friends. Enjoy your classes, take care of you, and everything else will fall into place. Many hugs.