Irritated

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Dec 2, 2013.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    It is a good thing I've held a "wait and see" attitude with Katie. I guess too many manipulative behaviors on her part over the years, too many lies........and I just will never be able to fully trust the woman.

    I took what she said/did at face value and let it go. With Katie, if she is putting on an act or lying it usually doesn't take too very long for it to be discovered.

    On Thanksgiving and Xmas her biomom is invited to join in on the family activities. Well, actually, she is welcome at any of them but I am rather forceful over these two main holidays as I don't feel it right for the woman to sit home alone while her daughter and family celebrate it with us. Katie would happily exclude her from everything given half a chance. I realize that biomom is Fred's ex seems weird to an awful lot of people, but we've never had any trouble getting along. So why not? Biomom came last year and seemed to have a great time. Unless she is a fabulous actor, I read body language / facial expression like an open book, the woman really enjoyed herself.

    So again I told Katie I expected her mother for the holiday dinner. The excuses, somewhat familiar, started again. Biomom wants to stay home alone for the quiet. That is the main one. When that didn't work, it was "she has nothing to wear" due to the fact I expected everyone to be dressed up for dinner. When I shot that down with I have a whole wardrobe I can't wear that will fit her........it was that she is "anti-social" and jealous and angry Katie and family were spending the day with us. Anti-social people do not walk up to total strangers and strike up conversations or walk clear across town to attend a large church they've never been in on their own. Biomom is very social, always has been. I countered this with the fact that she had no reason to be jealous or angry when she'd also been invited to spend the day with the family. So then Katie comes back with some bologna about M lecturing biomom about how she is hurting Katie with her jealous behavior and she needed to accept the invite, he'd bow out so she could come. (there are 6 of them if biomom comes, I can barely squeeze 5 into my car). I shot that down by pinning easy child down to go transport them.

    So all of Katie's family is here for Thanksgiving dinner.

    Now a bit of background.

    Katie can't make it past week 2 with her foodstamps regardless of whether or not we take her to aldi's or help her shop sales. I'm not even sure most times she makes it past week 1 to be honest. This was prior to the FS cuts.

    M is working, but his hours have been cut.

    Kayla "won" a tablet at bible school (it is in quotes because I suspect it is yet another lie), took care of it until Katie stepped on it while it was charging and broke the screen. It would cost more to repair the screen than to replace the tablet, which Travis told them.

    Katie is pushing hard that Evan loves me/adores me/is dying to spend time with me. Now I don't doubt he loves me, sees me as the fun Nana whatever and probably does want to come over here. This is the fun place after all. But not the way she is pushing it. He hugged me when he arrived and went off to play with Aubrey, which is fairly typical. lol I think I got a total of 3 hugs and 2 I love you out of the boy. Normal for age. Doesn't much impress me that he is dying to spend time with me. Know what I mean??

    Biomom looked like a homeless person. Now granted she has obviously lost quite a bit of weight (she just went through the denture process), but the sweat shirt and sweat pants were literally hanging on her. I know she has something better than that to wear as I picked them up for her when we went to the GW outlet in Dayton. Biomom has always taken pride in her appearance and tried to look her best. Her hair.......well, her appearance suggests that Katie didn't let her know until last minute she had been invited. She seemed embarrassed until the family deliberately didn't notice. I wanted to smack Katie. She was awfully talkative for an anti-social person. lol

    Now due to outrageous overtime hours, I bought xmas this year..... I picked up Kayla a tablet because she'd cared for the one she had and it had been broken by no fault of her own, plus it was an excellent price. I got the 2 yr warranty too in case something should happen to this one.

    Kayla lets it be known to Nichole she thinks she is getting a tablet for xmas from her dad.........then does the whole oops I let the cat out of the bag and better cover my fanny or it might not appear under the tree routine. Not long after M brags to Nichole about the great deal he got and was ready to pop his buttons buying her the tablet.

    Yes, they can buy a tablet when they can't feed their kids past the 2nd week of the month.

    Oh, no.....wait, it gets much better.

    Remember when I said easy child provided their transportation? M bragged to sister in law (he picked them up instead of easy child) about having bought the new playstation 4 (new system all the rage, expensive as heck) and all the games for it that are currently available and that his new xbox 1 (also a new system) would be arriving any day. sister in law literally bit his tongue but just couldn't believe what he was hearing.

    M at best is getting 40 hrs a week at min wage. They receive Alex's disability check of around 700.00 per month. There is biomom's disability check of the same amount. There are the food stamps which are also near that amount.

    Yet they can't afford food past the first part of the month.
    Katie tells me her FS have been cut dramatically. Not. I looked it up.....at most they were cut 15 percent. But there was a limit on families I believe to not exceed 60.00.
    They can't afford to do laundry to the point where it fills yard bags and all their closet space because she is so far behind.
    Nichole informed me last night that Kayla is sleeping on the floor/has been sleeping on the floor for months because "the boys spilled something on her bed and it stunk". Now sorry but Travis was a bed wetter for years. His bed never stunk. I know Katie told me she had an issue with bedbugs at one point.

    So you can't eat, can't afford to catch up on laundry (so you're always saying you need clothes for the kids), and can't buy your kid a bed but you can buy not one but 2 expensive gaming systems plus video games and a tablet for your daughter for xmas???

    I had seen indicators and had backed off the help nearly completely. Now that it is confirmed, Nana's pantry is closed to them. The family will no longer be picking up items for the kids as we find them. If you're going to waste your income you need to feel the natural consequences.

    I irritates me because They make more per month than I do, considerably. (I count in biomom's disability because I know Katie is controlling it)

    Yet I'm the one they look to for help.

    No more. Katie will be 34 come Jan. Time she figure it out. I won't be here forever.

    Side note: I've been waiting for 4 days for Katie to answer me on whether or not she wants to swap out the tablet I bought for what M bought (if it is cheaper) or me to just take it back. Not waiting anymore. I'm taking it back and getting a refund. phhht. Kayla will get some makeup ect instead. It put me waaaaaay over budget for her to begin with.
     
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Awww, what the HECK are they thinking?

    husband used to be like this... mother in law and father in law would just buy stuff. And so husband learned he could buy whatever he wanted, and the bills would take care of themselves. Except they didn't. So, he gets something fancy and I get mad. I finally confronted him about it because I was paying the bills. The fancy stuff stopped. He still has an itchy credit card... But he checks with me first.

    I know others who do this... One car family who really needed two and on food stamps and everyone got a tablet for Christmas last year. (6 kids)

    I guess I just don't understand... Needs come before wants.
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I left out two points.

    Katie has been telling me they go through food so quickly because biomom is raiding the kitchen consistently, even to eat random cans of cold veggies. A person doesn't drop approximately 30 lbs raiding a kitchen 24/7.

    Katie has now started that "kayla is dying to spend time with me". Swears she wants a sleep over during my xmas break. Now this may or may not be true. Kayla and I were exceptionally close and we still get along quite easily.

    But my xmas break will follow 170 hrs of work over the course of 3 wks. Is she serious??? Or just stupid? Aubrey likely won't get to sleep over this xmas vacation. Plus I have a rule that in town grandchildren do not sleep over. Visit, yes, sleep over no. Otherwise? I'd be stuck attempting to entertain Alex and Evan and worrying over what they get into while I'm sleeping. No.

    If Katie starts worrying that perhaps we're waining in our "relationship" she attempts to push the kids onto me. Doesn't work, but it doesn't stop her from trying. Lately I've been working and having so much other things to do that I haven't communicated with her much. Doesn't help that she doesn't want to start a conversation until like 20 mins before I leave for work. ugh
     
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sadly I completely understand the FS thing. GFGmom and her group collect FOUR FS allotments each month. At least two are sold for cash...which they use to eat out at Chili's, Red Lobster etc. Good Grief! How someone can be raised in a family of hardworking moral people and opt to "use the system" with-o shame...I don't get it! Sorry. DDD
     
  5. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    I don't really understand either. Maybe it's M dictating how money is spent? I sometimes have a game plan to the red cent of what we are doing with a paycheck, hubs has other plans and we get messed up and I get soooooo angry!
    Fortunately food is generally
    Our first purchase after bills have come out of his account.
    After we renewed our loan (yes LOAN) to catch up on bills and purchase any Christmas at all he has for the most part put the money in my hands, and I can pinch a penny till it screams. All three children have birthdays in November and December, on top of Christmas. They are well taken care of but we did not go over budget. We actually came in under budget but we did not buy Christmas presents for each other yet. I'm working now about 5 days a week, which is pretty much keeping us from bouncing the checking account

    Sorry didn't mean to make this about me
    But it sounds like he took two paycheck a and bought those systems. You can fight and rant and rave sometimes at people but they won't do right with their money.
     
  6. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Two brand new gaming systems???? Who does that????

    Yeah, natural consequences.

    Stick to your rules, let them figure it out.

    Let us know how it goes!
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Oh well crud. It managed to get worse.

    I didn't mention my suspicions in the original post because............well, I had clues, I had past behavior........but I'm working hard on trying to give the benefit of the doubt.

    Now she tells me M has been "laid off" (insert the word Fired) from his job as dishwasher at the upscale restaurant. To make it even worse? He has been laid off for weeks and supposedly did not tell her. Instead biomom and he have been filling out apps all over town and he's been pretending to go to work.

    My suspicions?? 1. They didn't renew their app for FS when it came due. (she is good for this stunt, then whines and somehow makes it welfare's fault) or 2. M lost his job again.

    Well, I was right on the job thing. But it wouldn't surprise me had she not bothered to renew FS a while back so now she is hurting double. I know much of what was on the menu her kids don't like (healthy food) and yet they ate tons of everything. There were barely any left overs at all when last year we were drowning in them.

    Do I believe He and biomom kept his unemployment secret? :rofl: The girl must think I have MORON tatooed across my forehead. Bold faced lie that one. Katie controls ALL money coming into that household. Pretty sure she'd miss his paycheck immediately.

    Explains why her designated "dishes" to prepare for Thanksgiving suddenly altered and while tasted good were more than a bit skimpy when they were main dishes and family favorites.

    I called her out on the game systems and games. Told her to take them back and get her money back, if it is on layaway to cash it in and get what moron man paid into them. I don't doubt they blew both Alex's and biomom's disability checks on those systems........and any xmas they bought.

    She is trying to say M kept the news from her to cover her guilt in all the money she's been spending. Uh, no. You control it, you have to hand it to him, you and I both know you know darn good and well what he is buying with it.

    So there they sit in their apartment. Her FS won't kick in until today (the 5th). We've a nasty winter storm due to hit tonight. Her kitchen is bare. They will already freeze if they lose power. Everything is electric in the apartment.

    Am I feeling any empathy? No. Do I know this was a huge hint to run them to the store when I wake up this morning (I just got off work at 3am) ? You betcha. Am I going to do that? Not a bat's chance in HE double hockey sticks. Am I going to feel eager to go fetch them if we lose power? Not likely. I'll just sit here and make them walk to me that 4 miles or more.

    I've been telling her this was predicted to be a nasty winter for months and to use extra cash to cover emergency supplies for power outage and the like. I've gotten nothing but excuses and a case of ramen noodles she asked me to hold as her emergency food. (yes, I had trouble not laughing at her, she has no way to cook it for heaven sake)

    She has hinted for a while business at the restaurant has been low and M might lose his job. I told her to start hoarding money. She buys outrageously expensive gaming systems and games instead and lord only knows what else.

    I have no trouble with detachment. What I have trouble with is not driving over to her house and smacking the holy snot out of her for being such an irresponsible self centered idiot.

    In this area M is not the problem. Yes, he is severely developmentally delayed and has a low IQ and disturbingly immature on many levels. But he does like to work and he works hard. No, he doesn't seem to grasp the concept of money in any more sense than a 5 yr old. Katie knows that, though, which is why she controls the money. Katie just lives for the moment and figures someone will always swoop to her rescue. She should know by now that doesn't happen in this family.
     
  8. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    I'm sorry Hound Dog that's awful!
     
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I cant believe the gaming systems! No one in my family is getting any of them this year because the old ones are perfectly okay. Normally Billy would be thinking about it but even he isnt. For one thing he cant afford it! Oh and a question, how are they using these games and tablets without internet? Or does she have it. She must have it because I know you have mentioned emailing her before.
     
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