Just a bit of an Update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, May 1, 2010.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Nichole and boyfriend have been back "together" for a few wks now. Well, not officially "together" until Nichole went to see her ob/gyn to get tested for STDs. That was part of their agreement.

    After that last ugly incident, there has been nothing. I'd like to say things have gotten back to normal, but they haven't. They've changed. Time will tell if it is for the better or not. But that last ugly incident where the kids were fighting and Nichole cut and then took off.........drove the point the rest of the way home for boyfriend.

    Nichole has talked to me quite a bit about all this mess now. Seems the original taking off to bff's husband's house stemmed from profound grief coupled with months of boyfriend taking her for granted, treating her like crappola, and refusing to talk over anything with her when she'd confront him and try to fix things between them. Bff's death brought it all to a head. She felt like she was getting nothing at all from boyfriend, and then when he wasn't there for her when she needed him to be emotionally, that was the last straw.

    She doesn't blame him for what happened. That is just what led up to what all followed.

    The last big blow out that had me hunting for her all over town.........When she did get home she refused to let it go until he would finally talk to her. She told him if they couldn't work together to bring their relationship onto an adult level they might as well end it. But that they both had to work on it together, and they both had to want it.

    They are now actually talking to each other about their relationship, what they each want, what they each need, and what they each hope for the future. And each of them are trying hard to listen as well and see the other side. They now realize how much they actually do care for each other and no longer take each other for granted.

    If they can continue on this path, I've no doubt their relationship will evolve to the adult level.

    They had a test moment recently. boyfriend will be graduating soon. He wanted to move to Dayton because his internship will be in that area and it would cut down drive time and gas expenses. Nichole having suddenly realized how important her family is to her and knowing how expensive it is to live in Dayton wanted no part of it. (we used to live there when they were younger) In the past this would have rapidly developed into an enormous blow out and each of them would dig in their heels, boyfriend would've done his utter best to manipulate her into going along with his plan whether she wanted to or not.

    But that isn't the way it went. They've been discussing it for more than a week. Discussing, not fighting. They've reached a compromise of moving to a small city that is almost half way. Close enough that Nichole is near family and her support system and closer to help with expenses. Win/win. And the small city is not that expensive a place to live.

    Both kids seem to be working hard. This has been a huge growing up lesson for both of them, and a very painful one at that.

    As far as I know, Nichole has made no moves to see psychiatrist. I don't know if boyfriend is sticking to the original agreement or not.

    And to just toss a monkey wrench into the whole deal..........

    Bff's husband has called Nichole twice. First time to ask if she'll be his housekeeper. (gimme a break) She shot him down fast. Then just yesterday to "see how she is doing cuz he still cares about her". She told him to leave her alone and stay away from her that he is the last thing she needs in her life right now. And that boyfriend is not going to like him calling her. I told her she may have to get a new cell so he can't call her anymore. His ego is badly bruised, and he has an ego big enough for 10 men. ugh

    Oh, and Nichole is looking into the respiratory therapy program. She said that after the disaster of boyfriend driving her crazy over the paramedic program she had not wanted to try for it figuring he'd not help or support her while she was in it again and it would be too much. She is really interested in it. And she was even before the paramedic program. Dunno if she'll take the plunge or not. But she has finished most of the base classes for it already and I don't doubt she'd pass the entrance exam.

    Oh, and she is happy for the first time in years. Not manic, not hypomanic. Happy. Her eyes shine. She looks like a young girl in love.

    So, I don't know where this will lead them. But it seems to have taught them something along the way.
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad things are looking up. Hugs to you and Nichole.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm glad Nicole seems to be back on track and that boyfriend is manning up--finally. Watching them struggle and grow is so much harder when they are adults because you can't step in and fix it all for them. You have to treat them the same way you do when they first learn to walk, let them stumble, fall, and get back up.
  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad to hear that Nichole is doing better. . . sounds like she and boyfriend have both grown from this experience.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    wow. How nice. I am so glad they are working things out, and that their relationshlp has grown.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    What great progress!
  7. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    Dounds like maturity to me. Glad boyfriend is finally becoming a man, that'll help a lot.