Just for discussion: Adult sons and daughters living at home
- Thread starter dashcat
- Start date
hearts and roses
Mind Reader
[/QUOTE]O.M.G! 
You know, the fact that the schedule was real is even funnier![/QUOTE]
I know! Hahaha!!!
You know, the fact that the schedule was real is even funnier![/QUOTE]
I know! Hahaha!!!
svengandhi
Well-Known Member
Once my son's girlfriend hit the age of consent, I started letting them stay over here because the alternatives - the car, her house, a public place - were worse. I tried talking to her mom but all she said was "our grandchildren will be so cute." So I buy the condoms. They've been together almost 5 years now. I was pleased when I asked her what a friend named his child and she said "Birth control reminder is what I call her." I'm less unhappy that he's sexually active now that he's 22 and she's 19 and I have to admit that if i tried to insist on waiting till marriage. they'd probably get married and that's an even more unsettling thought than them just having sex.
My D is still a virgin at 20. She thinks I was, too, and I won't disabuse her.
The other boys are not sexually active.
My D is still a virgin at 20. She thinks I was, too, and I won't disabuse her.
The other boys are not sexually active.
M
mrsammler
Guest
My rule for children, male or female, is that they can sleep together in my home if they are living together in their own home. Period, end of discussion. I've told them that, prior to that condition, I consider it rude and uncouth of them even to ask me if they can do it--they should know better (and they do--none have ever had to ask me).
One time, about 5 years ago, I came into the living room in the wee hours and found that my late-teens daughter's boyfriend, also late-teens and a very nice kid (now her twentysomething live-in fiance'), had moved from the sofa to her inflatable queen-size mattress on the floor and was sleeping with her there. I nudged him with my toe, got his attention, and pointed at the sofa and snapped my fingers--no words were necessary. He got up and moved back to the sofa and never tried this again.
I should add that, as a divorced Dad, I live in a 1-bedroom condo (in a highrise in a big American city) that can sleep as many as 6 via sectional sofa, inflatable mattress, king-size bed in my bedroom, summertime hammock on one of the balconies, etc. But the only privacy to be had is in my bedroom, and that's where *I* sleep. So it's not like it's really an issue.
One time, about 5 years ago, I came into the living room in the wee hours and found that my late-teens daughter's boyfriend, also late-teens and a very nice kid (now her twentysomething live-in fiance'), had moved from the sofa to her inflatable queen-size mattress on the floor and was sleeping with her there. I nudged him with my toe, got his attention, and pointed at the sofa and snapped my fingers--no words were necessary. He got up and moved back to the sofa and never tried this again.
I should add that, as a divorced Dad, I live in a 1-bedroom condo (in a highrise in a big American city) that can sleep as many as 6 via sectional sofa, inflatable mattress, king-size bed in my bedroom, summertime hammock on one of the balconies, etc. But the only privacy to be had is in my bedroom, and that's where *I* sleep. So it's not like it's really an issue.
SuZir
Well-Known Member
This really seem to depend from the situation you are in and lifestyle you are having, I notice.
We have often over-night guest, or ages and all sexes. We and our kids also quite often spend a night under someone else's roof. Sometimes our over-night guests are not people we would know that well. For example last one was a son of my husband's friend. he was having University entrance exams in the city near us and husband offered to give him a place to sleep and some rides from and back to airport. So to be honest i don't really mind a unfamiliar face in my breakfast table and in the end it doesn't matter, if that unfamiliar face is having sex with my son or not. So their friends, both male and female and romantically involved or not, are welcome and can stay a night. And we have often had sons' friends with us on our boat to keep them company, doesn't really matter that nowadays those friends are often their girlfriends. Last time we were on our boat we had also husband's little sister and her family with us and difficult child was with his girlfriend. Our boat is small and there are three sleeping cabins. One with wider mattress (sister in law slept there with her husband and their two small kids) and two with bunkbeds. And you can bet that when two people had to share on 2,5 foot wide bed, those people were difficult child and his girlfriend, not me and my husband. They had easy child sleeping in upper bed and I'm quite sure there was no sex involved
I also have no worries of getting stuck with living with my children. Local social security makes it so, that it is no financial necessity ever to keep living with your parents. Our difficult child is already out of the house and pays his own rent and I can see him back only temporarily (for example if his sport career would melt and he would be going to Uni sooner than later and then got a summer job somewhere near here and came back home for summer or something like that.) easy child I hope will stay with us until he is around twenty (High school takes more time here and then there is military, he will be around twenty or twenty one when he is through with those.) But i really don't have to worry for them staying over their welcome.
We have often over-night guest, or ages and all sexes. We and our kids also quite often spend a night under someone else's roof. Sometimes our over-night guests are not people we would know that well. For example last one was a son of my husband's friend. he was having University entrance exams in the city near us and husband offered to give him a place to sleep and some rides from and back to airport. So to be honest i don't really mind a unfamiliar face in my breakfast table and in the end it doesn't matter, if that unfamiliar face is having sex with my son or not. So their friends, both male and female and romantically involved or not, are welcome and can stay a night. And we have often had sons' friends with us on our boat to keep them company, doesn't really matter that nowadays those friends are often their girlfriends. Last time we were on our boat we had also husband's little sister and her family with us and difficult child was with his girlfriend. Our boat is small and there are three sleeping cabins. One with wider mattress (sister in law slept there with her husband and their two small kids) and two with bunkbeds. And you can bet that when two people had to share on 2,5 foot wide bed, those people were difficult child and his girlfriend, not me and my husband. They had easy child sleeping in upper bed and I'm quite sure there was no sex involved
I also have no worries of getting stuck with living with my children. Local social security makes it so, that it is no financial necessity ever to keep living with your parents. Our difficult child is already out of the house and pays his own rent and I can see him back only temporarily (for example if his sport career would melt and he would be going to Uni sooner than later and then got a summer job somewhere near here and came back home for summer or something like that.) easy child I hope will stay with us until he is around twenty (High school takes more time here and then there is military, he will be around twenty or twenty one when he is through with those.) But i really don't have to worry for them staying over their welcome.
hearts and roses
Mind Reader
Hahah, this reminded me of the first time I allowed easy child's then boyfriend to stay over because we went to a late show. He got the couch and easy child was in her bed. Early the next morning I woke up and found him on the floor...the HARD WOOD FLOOR, lying next to easy child's bed! All he had was a thin blanket, he must have been terribly uncomfortable. I did a slight throat clearing and he hopped to it, jumped up and went back to the couch. Lucky H wasn't the one who discovered him!
Tiredof33
Active Member
It depends on the ages and responsibilty for me. Teens in high school NO - and I actually had a big problem with this with my son - never my daughter.
My difficult child son tried several times to move other female difficult children having problems at home into my home. One was a friend's girlfriend and her job for the summer was walking distance from us. Within 2 weeks the boss was at my house because she wasn't going to work and she was getting phone calls and other friends dropping by at all hours. I was leaving for work and they were staying up all night and sleeping all day. That was when I went to PJ and water in the house.
After 2 very long weeks I called her mother and told my difficult child son and her that if she wasn't out of my house in one hour I would call the police to get her out. The mother says (I had never met her) 'you mean she is not paying rent' OMG! she is not working HOW is she going to pay rent.
Another was a teen mother living close by - she tried to move in about 5 times and I kept saying 'GO HOME'! I wasn't about to support a teen and her child.
I was not happy when I would wake up and find a strange male friend on my sofa - and things were dissappearing from my home - we fought over this a lot.
My difficult child son would even change my answering machine to something vulgar and personal to him like it was his home and I was visiting!
I'm not hung up on the marriage license - marriages don't always last either - but not teens, one night stands, and I will not be supporting them.
My difficult child son tried several times to move other female difficult children having problems at home into my home. One was a friend's girlfriend and her job for the summer was walking distance from us. Within 2 weeks the boss was at my house because she wasn't going to work and she was getting phone calls and other friends dropping by at all hours. I was leaving for work and they were staying up all night and sleeping all day. That was when I went to PJ and water in the house.
After 2 very long weeks I called her mother and told my difficult child son and her that if she wasn't out of my house in one hour I would call the police to get her out. The mother says (I had never met her) 'you mean she is not paying rent' OMG! she is not working HOW is she going to pay rent.
Another was a teen mother living close by - she tried to move in about 5 times and I kept saying 'GO HOME'! I wasn't about to support a teen and her child.
I was not happy when I would wake up and find a strange male friend on my sofa - and things were dissappearing from my home - we fought over this a lot.
My difficult child son would even change my answering machine to something vulgar and personal to him like it was his home and I was visiting!
I'm not hung up on the marriage license - marriages don't always last either - but not teens, one night stands, and I will not be supporting them.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I have thought about if I would feel different if I had girls. Probably. I know I had boys on a rotating schedule in my house when I was a teen. Most of them as a fairly young teen were long term relationships but when I was in the late 16 to all of 17 age, no those were all what would now be called friends with benefits.
As far as my kids, they didnt actually have girls staying here until they were grown. Yes I know they had sex. I am sure of it. I would bet that Keyana was conceived here. Probably McKenzie too. Oh Im sure McKenzie was. Hey...that is something to feel kinda neat about I think...I have the bedroom where she was first a little wee thing...lmao. I dont care. We never heard them because we are at one end of the house and all the other bedrooms are at the other.
I know that my dad didnt mind Tony and I coming to his house when we visited and they let us sleep in the same bed even though we never married. However we always had the boys with us. Sometimes that meant we didnt and one of us took one kid and the other took another. I can say I have never had sex in my dads house though. I mean the house he moved into with my step-mom. I dont mean the house I grew up in. Thats a totally different story.
I imagine the boys will be stricter with the girls. Boys know what boys are after but once a girl hits adulthood, I would rather they be prepared and be honest. I would rather they stay where they are than drive home after drinking or with someone who has been drinking just to get home for some curfew. That is something I always told my kids...you can always call me and it will be a no punishment violation. I will always come get you no matter the time because I would rather come get you alive than have to come get you dead.
As far as my kids, they didnt actually have girls staying here until they were grown. Yes I know they had sex. I am sure of it. I would bet that Keyana was conceived here. Probably McKenzie too. Oh Im sure McKenzie was. Hey...that is something to feel kinda neat about I think...I have the bedroom where she was first a little wee thing...lmao. I dont care. We never heard them because we are at one end of the house and all the other bedrooms are at the other.
I know that my dad didnt mind Tony and I coming to his house when we visited and they let us sleep in the same bed even though we never married. However we always had the boys with us. Sometimes that meant we didnt and one of us took one kid and the other took another. I can say I have never had sex in my dads house though. I mean the house he moved into with my step-mom. I dont mean the house I grew up in. Thats a totally different story.
I imagine the boys will be stricter with the girls. Boys know what boys are after but once a girl hits adulthood, I would rather they be prepared and be honest. I would rather they stay where they are than drive home after drinking or with someone who has been drinking just to get home for some curfew. That is something I always told my kids...you can always call me and it will be a no punishment violation. I will always come get you no matter the time because I would rather come get you alive than have to come get you dead.
I would have the same rule for a boy as I do for my girls. No sleepovers with the opposite sex in my house unless they are married. They can always opt to stay in a hotel. Having said that, my difficult child does spend the night with her boyfriend at his parents' house. I'm not crazy about that either but she is 27.
~Kathy
~Kathy
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Kathy....question? If you were my parent, would you allow Tony and I to sleep together and if so, how many years would it have taken to get to that point? Remember we met when I was 21 and a half and he going to turn 21 in two months. By the time we ever went to my fathers house, we already had my son from my first marriage, and Jamie who was at least 6 months old. That meant we had been together over two and a half years at that point in time. Longer than my first marriage had lasted.
dashcat
Member
Janet,
I know you didn't direct the quesiton to me, but since I'm not allowing sleepovers here, I will answer (speaking strictly for myself). The difference with you and Tony - versus my difficult child and whoever is the current boyfriend - is that she LIVES here. If she was on her own and living with a signfiicant other, I would probably alllow them to room together when visiting, depending on the duration of the relathionship. As to how long that would be, i really can't say, but I know I wouldn't enforce separate bedrooms on a clearly committed, long term relaionship.
What I wont' sand for, is a kid who lives with mom but lives AS THOUGH she is on her own. I know you made different decisions with your sons, and I respect your right to do so. In my own personal situation, that is where I draw my line in the sand.
Dash
I know you didn't direct the quesiton to me, but since I'm not allowing sleepovers here, I will answer (speaking strictly for myself). The difference with you and Tony - versus my difficult child and whoever is the current boyfriend - is that she LIVES here. If she was on her own and living with a signfiicant other, I would probably alllow them to room together when visiting, depending on the duration of the relathionship. As to how long that would be, i really can't say, but I know I wouldn't enforce separate bedrooms on a clearly committed, long term relaionship.
What I wont' sand for, is a kid who lives with mom but lives AS THOUGH she is on her own. I know you made different decisions with your sons, and I respect your right to do so. In my own personal situation, that is where I draw my line in the sand.
Dash
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Dash...I probably wouldnt have allowed living with situations if Jamie's situation hadnt set the precedent for it several years in advance of Cory coming along.
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welcometowitsend
Member
This thread has brought a smile to my face. Some funny stories here!
WARNING: GROSS too much information IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ
difficult child started asking for girlfriend to sleep over when he was 15 and they'd been dating for 2 months. Uh, no. And he couldn't figure out why. He would have sex and wouldn't care/realize that we could hear. There are issues with masturabation and I've had to talk to him about appropriate times/places/discretion/clean up... that sort of things. Not that masturbation is bad just that there's a time and a place and he still hasn't figured that out yet.
Anyway, my rule is no sleepovers here. Once you are 16 (because they can legally move out on their own at that age) then you can leave the house and stay out all night but I must know where you are. Because he has no impulse control I told my difficult child no girls in his room.... he told me he is bisexual - I said, ok, no girls or boys in your room.
Once he is out on his own and if they are living together/married (regardless of opposite or same-sex because it's legal here) and they come to visit then they can share a bed but otherwise - NO. Same goes for easy child when we get there.
WARNING: GROSS too much information IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ
difficult child started asking for girlfriend to sleep over when he was 15 and they'd been dating for 2 months. Uh, no. And he couldn't figure out why. He would have sex and wouldn't care/realize that we could hear. There are issues with masturabation and I've had to talk to him about appropriate times/places/discretion/clean up... that sort of things. Not that masturbation is bad just that there's a time and a place and he still hasn't figured that out yet.
Anyway, my rule is no sleepovers here. Once you are 16 (because they can legally move out on their own at that age) then you can leave the house and stay out all night but I must know where you are. Because he has no impulse control I told my difficult child no girls in his room.... he told me he is bisexual - I said, ok, no girls or boys in your room.
Once he is out on his own and if they are living together/married (regardless of opposite or same-sex because it's legal here) and they come to visit then they can share a bed but otherwise - NO. Same goes for easy child when we get there.
welcometowitsend
Member
Stepto2 - OK, you made me laugh too! I am sitting in my quiet house in my office laughing out loud - feels good, actually.
Let's make a pact to never let Onyxx and my difficult child meet, shall we?
OK, you made me laugh too! I am sitting in my quiet house in my office laughing out loud - feels good, actually. Let's make a pact to never let Onyxx and my difficult child meet, shall we?
